1.
i fear you more than i love you
2.
sometimes i wish you were dead so that i wouldn't have to leave you but i wouldn't have to live with you either
3.
i went to dinner with a friend you forbade me to see. when i hugged him, his body was neither as soft nor as warm as yours and i didn't like it very much. there was no ****** tension; only liberation, and deep, deep guilt.
4.
sometimes i lie to you about my phone being out of battery. it's on airplane mode because i need some time to myself and you don't like it when i ask for "alone time". why do you need alone time, you always ask. i don't know how to explain it to you anymore.
5.
i wish i had never met you because i am in a cycle of evil and fear and guilt and pain and sure some days you make me feel loved but mostly you just drive me insane. insane, not in the oh my gosh i'm so in love way but in the i don't know what's real anymore way.
6.
i feel weak because i am not strong enough to leave you.
7.
i feel strong because through it all, i have survived.
don't read into this- it's just a poem.