He painted me with the faith
Color  to make me as his wish
I was so glad he believe me
I would be real in his sketch

He hold me, croon for me
Dance and smirk with me
He comes close to share his emotion
I feel proud as I shine in his passion

Hey!!!

Where are you going leaving me alone?
I could not be here without your shadow
I feel suffocation in this canvass
I would be scared in this dimness

I am so isolate without your hug
You make me smile blush me up
Now I can't be happy nor can cry
As the tears will take identity of my
The only thing you left for me
The only thing I can carry for you
That makes me feel alive in this canvass

Aged loneliness
between two slices
of cold reality .

When my body is strong enough
I sleep around
Go out with boys who are tough
I make lots of sound

When my body is strong enough
I get high
Let guys be rough
I close my eye

Now my body is weak
I look around
Too sick to speak
I won't make a sound

Now my body is weak
I look at a boy who smiles
I turn my cheek
For the daily trials

But when I look back he still smiles
And I can't help but smile too
I think we could run for miles
In reality I could move a foot or two

But this happens every time I fall ill
And we never talk when I'm well
But I'll smile at him still
Only time will tell

If he becomes more than a childlike attraction in my life...

I want nobody to ever have to see me again and I want to never have to see anyone again
I want to sing in the woods and sleep by the fire and shower in the rain and dance to a nonexistent tune
I want to be sometimes alone but never to be lonely I want to be content but never ecstatic and never broken down never concerned
I want to be with so many people all that I love, but none of them broken as they are. They're there just for me to love and have.
I want a blanket and tea and shelter from demons that live in my heart.

Dancing around the kitchen
And through the eons of lives we'd forgotten we'd shared
Becoming again one another's addiction
With love blatantly declared

Inhaling the spring sunlit air
And absorbing the memories we made alone
Truly listening to what the other has to share
And looking at what is shown

Artificially corrected vision
Does not influence the natural inspiration
Nor the precision
With which we build our creation

We walk
We are; ain't
We talk
Paint!

We smile when we want to
Not when we're told we should
We act true
And we are good

A pair
An alliance
Breathing the same air
Unrestrained by some invisible fence
~live together peacefully~

What Relapse feels like
Relapse- a proper noun that steals your attention and commands your obedience

Every person that was a part of your recovery had been lying
The recollection that it did not **** you but it did not make you stronger
Reliving the moment it stopped your living and when it prevented your dying
The feeling that you will not survive much longer
That is how relapse feels

The first taste of fruit after a long and barren winter
A moment of peace in a life measured in seconds
The perfectly straight lines of a newly aligned printer
A demand for piled servings and SECONDS!
That is how relapse feels

The need of a familiar place; of a familiar face
Desire for someone to hold you tight
The need to go far away; to go to outer space
Desire to leave this world for the light
That is how relapse feels

It's a ripping motion
Between wanting it to end and wanting its intensification
Between having to much and too little emotion
And the worlds between the brain speak languages with no translation
That is how relapse feels

It feels so good just to be so bad
The beauty in the human body's ability to mend and to break
It feels so bad just to be so sad
And the repulsive face of being awake
That is how relapse feels

It's a tearing
It's a tugging
It's a pulling
It's a shoving

Relapse is looking at the sky and thanking God for the ability to be alive
ten minutes before a battle in the head
asking if it's worth it to survive
ten minutes before tears stain so silently alone in bed

It's a promise broken
It's every moment spent clean wasted
It's the truth unspoken
It's the loss of happiness that had barely been tasted

That.
That is how relapse feels.