haven't been writing
been too busy working
finally I have found my place,
my grind, my groove
I've made friends
I've made money
but most importantly
I've made myself proud

I fail at life so hard
I say I want a job
But when I get called my anxiety takes over and makes me want to be invisible.
My mind is muddled and my soul is sad
Why, at life, must I be so bad

Tired physically.
Tired emotionally.
Tired of *******.
Tired of money.
Tired of ****** drivers.
Tired of ****** people.
Tired of headaches.
Tired of back pains.
Tired of anxiety.
Tired of depression.
But most of all,
I'm just tired of being tired.

Perhaps instead of thinking negatively, I'll think positively today.
Negativity is embedded in my brain like my DNA is to my body.
I've got to kick these thoughts of mine, I forget I can control them.
Subconscious, it's time for you to
SHUT UP.

Tangled, sweaty
Breathing heavy
I can feel your love drip onto my skin
My heart bursts with emotions I didn't know exist
Immense love like this is always tricky
But what's life without being risky?
After the love has been made,
we tangle up in embrace,
I trace your back, spine, up to your beautiful face
Those blue icy eyes keep me alive
I want nothing but to do this for the rest of my life

I was really born with green eyes
They resemble emeralds
But it seems the biggest green eye I have
is the eye of jealousy
I see beautiful people doing beautiful things
Making art, making jewelry, getting photographed
All while getting paid to do what they love
Half of me wants to be happy for them
but the darker half gets glowing green eyes
My biggest dream is to do what I love while supporting myself and my loved ones
Yet people as young as my age are already doing it, and have been for all of their life
Makes my soul wary and weak and just want to sleep
I'm so jealous of all of you

I found out I have a couple of best friends today
I like to compare that to having quarters instead of pennies
Time to start being grateful
I have everything I need