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Em Nov 2015
Her kind of lonely wasn't the kind you just feel
It was the kind of lonely she went searching to resolve

It wasn't out of the ordinary to find her roaming around
looking for traces of him in the dust on the china cabinet
or in inanimate objects around the house

it wouldn't be peculiar to hear the lull of his favorite love songs playing through the thin walls of her one room apartment.
or to see her wipe away a tear as she opened the door
and invited you inside

It wasn't a rare sight to see her folding up the clothes he had left behind
Or typing paragraphs upon paragraphs of things she wished she would've said
Unfolding his clothes
bunching them up
throwing them in the corner

I can still see her hiding that stuffed animal he won for her at the fair
stuffing it in her closet
burying it under a pile of clothes and her own broken promises
entombing it deep enough to forget

Similarly, I still see her hiding the guilt she had found
I see her shoving it under her pillow
burying it under stardust and her own nightmares
keeping it close enough to remember

It wouldn't be bizarre if you caught her refolding his clothes
just 'one more time'
Putting them back in their drawers
Texting him
deleting the text before it sent
debating throwing out his old toothbrush

I remember quite clearly a time when she drank twenty bottles of water
all in succession
just to feel full again
I remember her holding her breath
until she'd turn blue
claiming she missed the way he took her breath away

Her kind of lonely wasn't the kind you just feel
it was the kind of lonely that drove her to insanity.
2.0k · Mar 2017
word vomit on mental illness
Em Mar 2017
It's like you have a Lego house.
You're just an itsy bitsy tiny little lego guy.
You've been working really ******* this Lego house.
Every day it seems to get a little better, a little bigger.

And then one day you see storm clouds
And something just feels off,
like you feel it the moment you open your eyes in the morning
but you ignore it because you think it'll go away,
you've been here before,
it's probably just another tiny storm.

But you've underestimated it.
it's​ not just a tiny storm
it's a monsoon
and now it's ripping apart your Lego house from the inside.
And you don't call anyone for help
because they'd say
"oh, again?"
So you stand there
watching this monsoon tear down something that's taken you weeks to rebuild.
But you understand the routine.

When it's over
you rest.
Because that's all you can do.
And when you wake up
you add that very first Lego block
And you start building again.
You don't know where it is
You don't know when it'll be back
But you keep building
Because that's what they tell you you have to do.
Em May 2018
I present myself "promiscuously" when i feel like my body isn't my body

When the predatory shadows swallow up my mind and convince me that my body belongs to anyone but myself

So i post that "revealing" photo, i send that ****, I go out wearing as little as i can possibly get away with

I do this as an attempt to take back my body
to look years of trauma dead in the eyes and say "*******"

i own this body; this body is my own.
Em Dec 2016
Wake up!
Open your eyes
draw back the curtains

In the darkness
no one can hear you dream.
1.0k · May 2017
Untitled
Em May 2017
I only eat yellow foods
because maybe if I swallow a little bit of sunshine
it'll chase away the storm
790 · Oct 2016
Lunar Eclipse
Em Oct 2016
Once, you were here
holding me
and it felt as if time had stopped,  
as if we were transported to some alternate reality
where the sun and the moon
both rose and fell in perfect unison
much like our slow, weary breaths.

For a moment we thought
that nothing could wake us
from this perfect daze
but the ticking of the clock
brought us back to Earth.

So the next morning
when the moon had already gone
the sun rose alone
and so did I.
Em Jan 2017
I could say that I like art
But what I'd mean to say is
I like how it makes me feel
I like when it appeals to my own aesthetic
Or makes me see through someone else's eyes
I like that I don’t have to necessarily understand a piece to enjoy it
I like how looking at a photograph can take you back to a memory
Or how a film can make you feel empathy for someone you’ve never even met.

It's simple to say that I like music
But what I’d mean by that is
I like how it makes me feel
I like that a good beat can leave my feet uncontrollably
Tap, tap, tapping
And a soulful lyric can leave my heart dizzy for days
or how a good, solid forte piano can bring me to the edge of my seat
I like that an arrangement of notes can make me long for a place I’ve never been
or that feeling I get when I hear my favorite song come on at the store

It'd be safe to assume that I can say I like dance
But what I actually mean is that
I like how it makes me feel
How the delicate motion of someone else’s body set to music can move me to tears  
and when the beat of the music travels through my own limbs like an electric current
when it leaves me out of breath
or how positively free I feel when I'm dancing alone to Beyoncé in my underwear

It wouldn’t be too far of a stretch for someone to maybe possibly say that there's an itty bitty sliver of a chance that
I like you
I mean
I like how you make me feel
Like my whole body is on fire and I’m caught in a rainstorm
like my stomach is full of ants but it’s okay because I’m an anteater
Like a little kid who lost his mom at the store but somehow found the candy isle
Like I’d spend a whole day just trying to make you laugh

I like that art, music, and dance make me think of you
and that that’s all I’m left to think about
art, music, dance
and you
666 · Sep 2016
Dream Boy
Em Sep 2016
You've invaded my dreams.
You've built a home in my subconscious.
How I wish this were a romantic gesture,
As if to say
"I cannot even dream a world without you"
On the contrary, these are no visions of lust or adoration
but of spite
and dismay.
You've become my nightmare.
The mental image of you strikes fear into my bones,
wakes me up from my sleep
in a puddle of sweat
and because it is a dream
no matter how fast I run,
how hard I hit,
how loud I yell,
you're inescapable.
So I beg of you
Please, please
Leave the haunting to the ghosts.
588 · Dec 2015
frag uno
Em Dec 2015
She wasn't the kind of person who fell in love slowly.
It was more of an immediate transportation
into love than a leap or a fall
She fell in love fast
She fell in love so fast it was hard to keep up.
Em Oct 2017
Em, I love you to the moon and back.

        I love you to the moon and back too.

Oh, I know you do. Poor thing.
468 · Sep 2016
B.S.
Em Sep 2016
B
as in baby
as in babe
as in I adore you
as in be mine forever
as in maybe just till tomorrow
as in not anymore
as in strangers
as in strange
as in
S
462 · Jan 2016
another impending farewell
Em Jan 2016
Is your heart made of gummies?
Are your fingernails made of daydreams
and your toenails made of nightmares?
Are your cheeks made of play-doh, perhaps?
Do your eyes leak waterfalls?
Is your nose full of gold?
Can your wingspan measure how much you'll miss me
Or even how long you'll be gone?
Can your mind measure the distance?
Will it remember me at all?
437 · Jan 2017
prove me wrong
Em Jan 2017
convinced myself I've already met the person I'm going to end up with
everyday searching for someone to prove me wrong
Em Nov 2017
you know how people put grease in jars?

yeah, my mom used to do that

yeah. I wish I could do that with my feelings because I just love you SO MUCH*

I understand
400 · Nov 2015
A Dangerous Lie
Em Nov 2015
Every empty "I love you"  
that shot from her mouth
Every blast from her tongue
was like a bullet that
could puncture any flesh
tear open any wound
Though, there was never enough meaning
behind it to give it the power to ****
so, it ricocheted
off of my sturdy cheekbones
and rolled
down my hallow chest

Those three overused words
crumbled into dust
and the cloud of false infatuation
dissipated at my feet
386 · Oct 2016
Be gentle
Em Oct 2016
If I should fall in love with you
Please hold me close as lovers do
But hold me soft
For my heart is sore
From the callous man that came before
306 · Nov 2015
Dear, dad
Em Nov 2015
Some time ago
I was reading this novel
It talked about how when you die
you're kept alive through the stories people tell about you.
So, I suppose,
in a way you're still here.
The stories people tell about you
are phenomenal to say the least.

One of my absolute favorite things
is the way my mom's eyes light up
when I do something you used to do,
and the way you can hear the nostalgia in her voice when she tells one of your legendary tales just one more time.

I LOVE hearing stories about you

I would read a whole book ten times over if I could
Every anecdote makes it feel like you're more like my dad and less like just a story.

Perhaps I'll share my adventures with you some day.
302 · Dec 2016
A Love Song
Em Dec 2016
I want to find out what you love
I want to see your face light up
when your favorite song comes on
I want to watch the music carry you away
I want to catch your eye
while you're dancing halfway across the room
shouting lyrics that I've never heard before
but will hear again and again
when I replay this moment in my head

I want to be who you love
I want to see your face light up
when our favorite song comes on
I want to carry you away
I want to look into your eyes
while we're dancing across the room
cooing lyrics I've heard a thousand times
and will hear a thousand more
when we wake up tomorrow and play it again
285 · Aug 2016
You're my new nightmare
Em Aug 2016
I've had nightmares 4 nights in a row and in 2 of those nightmares you were the star.
I wish I was ******* you, I wish I was making it up, I wish I didn't have the urge to staple my eyelids to my forehead
because to wake up and not feel insane is something I daydream about.
256 · Apr 2018
love isn't premade
Em Apr 2018
There's something in you
that I thought was made just for me.

As if somehow
when the gods made me and you,
they carved a piece of my heart
and gave it to you.
Or took a piece of your soul
and gave it to me.
When I met you,
I felt I was done searching because
there you were
mine.
My love.

But nothing in you
is made just for me.
It's for you, and only you.
You have no obligation to me
or any other person.
You are a whirlwind.
You are a forest fire.
You are a star refusing to flicker out.
You are a love of a lifetime
destined to touch far more hearts than mine.
237 · Nov 2016
Untitled
Em Nov 2016
be weary if you so choose
to live by the moon
for it's cold
and it's dark
and she's gone way too soon
166 · Nov 2018
fuck a heart, amirite?
Em Nov 2018
you love her
you love her
you love her, you do

And you know
that she loves you
You know it, you do

And you know why
She does that
you know it, you do

somewhere
She’s sorry
You know it, you do

But she hurts you
And Turns
Your heart shades of blue

when she makes out with that boy
tucked away by the quiet cold outside the bar’s backdoor

when she ***** that girl she’d been dating months prior to you
Just to make sure you’re the one that she loves

when she has that *******, the 3 minus you



You’ll know you’re a *****
a ******* fool
But you’ll be ****** up
Beyond love-struck
There’ll be no help for you

— The End —