Baby we drew a map to happiness,
How come we got lost in the way??

Violet

these violets are for you
to cover violet bruises he caused you
these violets are blue
not the color of kick he left you
these violets are true
not like him, untrue
these violets are flowers
not the color of violence
so please, these flowers are for you
you deserve love not abuse

no matter how small
no matter how simple
your act of kindness
is always appreciated

Forgetting easily is a gift
and a



















**Curse

Before I tucked myself to bed last night
I made sure my muse was safely locked
This morning, I thought I was blinded by light
But my muse was really gone! Shocked!

Frantic, I ran all over my room
To search for my runaway muse
I need to find it or else I'll be doomed
Because my muse, I can not lose

All I did today was searching
Pen and paper, scratch, edit, revise
Blurred lines, incoherent thoughts, all formed nothing
Words, I can't compromise

So if you find this a nonsense
Blame it to me and my missing muse
As much as I want to make sense
I could not because my mind, I can't use

Would you be the one
To end all the “what ifs”
And all uncertainties?

Would you be the one
To stay on the shore
Amidst the waves of storms?

Would you be the one
To dye my hair
When we get old and grey?

Would you be the one
To call me baby
Even when we reach ninety?

Would you be the one
To pull my wheelchair
When I can’t walk straight?

Would you be the one
To defy the gravity
To steal the stars in the galaxy?

Would you be the one
To prove the world and persist
That forever exists?

Would you be the one?
Would you be the answer
If I was the question?

whatever curves and carbs you’ve got
didn’t i tell you, i love you and your scoliosis
i love you just the same, or maybe more
oh my fainthearted belle
when will you realize that from a cocoon
you are now a lovely butterfly?
if you only saw, if you only believed
belle, you are a beautiful metamorphosis

I've been trying to write stories
then my mind wanders into fantasies
I could not find a perfect subject
so I looked everywhere for an object

But still..

Another writer's block
tik tok tik tok said the clock
write a line, write a line
and find a rhyme, find a rhyme
Oh! I found a dime, I found a dime!
Lets buy some wine!

tik tok tik tok said the clock

Delete the first two verses
Because it was all nonsense
Please give me a concept!
In return I will try to write you a sonnet
Said, I WILL TRY to write you a sonnet

tik tok tik tok said the clock

I am running out of time
I am running out of lines
Sorry for the rumbling
I really am struggling
Couldn't find a perfect subject
So my papers here are wrecked

it must be
the shared loneliness
the craving for warmth
the longing for love
and then there is time
and distance too
but there is us
and i hope it’s enough

This is me
and too bad
i am no Cupid
to shoot an arrow
into your **** heart
to make you fall in love
with nothing but all of me

maybe I've been caring
     more than I should
     that's why I'm hurting
     more than I should

do you think you’re
saving me from heartbreak?
love, didn’t you realized?
the moment you said you love me
you already broke my heart

I said “no” for the first time
At first it doesn’t seem right
I felt so guilty
And kept saying sorry
I felt so sad
It felt like I was so bad
It consumes me, guilt
It felt like it was my fault
As for the second time
It was a lesser crime
Still, there was a guilt feeling
But it somehow felt freeing
To say no without explaining
To say no without minding
To say no because you simply don't like it
To say no when you truly mean it

How dare you to comeback just when I decided to forget you?

.
.
*“found you”
someone once told me
“did you, did you??”


you’ll find me
between pages of a book
disguised in poetry
good or bad i maybe

you’ll find me
read between the lines
of your favorite songs
happy or sad i maybe

you’ll find me
in gardens, orchards
a nurtured flower
or just an ugly **** maybe

you’ll find me
look at the sky
i’ll be dancing among the objects
a dead star or the sun i maybe

you’ll find me,
traces of me
you’ll know it

i know, i know
you’ll find me,
wherever i’ll be
whatever i am

i know, i know
somewhere in this world
in the perfect time
i know, i know that
someday you will find

i was falling fast and hard
i have to second think why
then i remembered, it started to rain
oh, i’m a raindrop!

look at the mirror
look at yourself
filled with broken poetries
from shattered dreams
and shattered heart
those deadbeat words
that never made it to your mouth
now choking you to death
those bloodstained verses
for unheard horrible screams
lurking in your head
look, look at yourself
my beautiful belle in disguise
the monsters you’ve tried to hide
the tears you’ve failed to free
look, look at the face you’ve faked
why can’t you just say you’re weak??

there is us
and somebody told me
that it should be enough
but there is culture,
religion and perspective too
there are diffeences
and us would not be enough
there must be respect,
understanding, acceptance
there must be more than just an us
there must be more than just love

this is not a poem
but a declaration
of defeat, a concession
the things i can’t change
the feelings i can’t make
as i comeback to this world
i’m not even whole, not even healed
from whatever diagnosis
from whatever disease
that sicks this life
that plunges the heart and mind
i swallowed pills, the happy ones
i even injected acceptance
i’m not even sure if it will lead to healing
or just a temporary silencing
of the chaos, of the storm
that lives within my soul
but whatever it might be
wherever it might take me
i now understand that not all lost battle is a defeat
and not all who concede are weak
and now is my turn, ohhh
i concede to this beautiful life

let these sobs
speak for the tiredness i’m feeling
let these tears
fill the emptiness i’m feeling
just let it be, let it be
eventually, the sobs, the tears
will soon tire and will finally
find their way to stop

amidst the sea of strangers
everything seems blurry, the only vivid is your face
.
my heart almost breaking my ribs
wanting to explode, it can’t resist
.
i wanted to be near you, i wanted to be yours
i wanted you to be mine, i wanted an ‘us’
.
so i wrote poems for you
everything in this galaxy
.
everything that can put to life
this blazing love
.
i wrote poems for you
i couldn’t count
.
i wrote poems for you
because it’s all i can do
.
i wrote poems for you
to lessen the pain of not having you
.
because somebody owns you
and i am trying live somehow
.
so i wrote poems for you
it’s my only way to get by

a leo and a libra
f*ck the constellations
the loose ends
don’t matter anymore
it was destiny, fate




fate has lost faith in us

The morning shines
The sun is beaming
Everyday she blossoms
Like flowers in spring

Contagious smile
A lovely laughter
My heart will fly
At the sight of her

To open my eyes and see her
Oh I can stay like this forever
She is my morning coffee
That wakes every part of me

She is a beautiful dream
But I like mornings better
Because everytime I wake up
I know she's real

10 months,
oh time flies so fast
i have been counting the days
since you left me jaded in this place
and out of tears and pain
i cursed the angels for taking you away
how could they?
how could they turn my sunshines into rain?

i thought it was the sun
but it was your smile
oh you’re a culprit in disguise
you stole the sun’s shine

Shame shame shame
Shame on those who reads leaked scripts
Shame shame shame
Shame on those who spreads leaked photos
Shame shame shame
Shame on those who watches leaked episodes
Shame shame shame
Shame on me xD

Drowning in depression
I could not swim
It was deep, very very deep
I could not see the depth
*Darkness, I am sinking

Don't ask me why I stop giving you attention,
When in fact you never gave an appreciation.

Don't ask me why I didn't fight
I know you will only say it wasn't right

So please don't ask me why I left
When in the first place, you never asked me to stay.

misconstrued
instituted
marginalized
muted

they call me sick
they call me freak
disorders are not just an adjective
for you to be abusive
lucid, disillusions
more than just unsettled hormones

too many assumptions
too many misconstructions
they think they know me
those petty eyes

if i don’t get cured
don’t laugh at me
i’m still a human being
just like you

Ms. Yin, meets Mr. Yang
Heaven and hell, it's a bang
I can hear the angels' sweet voices
But tempting is the devil's whispers
To whom shall I pray,
to blow the tedious night away?
To whom shall I listen,
to see the far glisten?

The angel promised a paradise,
told me to be kind and take each sacrifice
The sinister said, like the sun I will arise,
power and might, but you know the price

I admit, sometimes I'm losing hope
wanted to confess and talk to the pope
But then, an ill voice spoke
told me to get a rope or a dope
When I want an easy way out,
I listen to the ill voice, even in doubt
When my angel seems to abandon me,
In the darkness I flee

Is it immoral to stick to the dark side,
when fading is your guiding light?
Is it wrong to cling to the dark side,
when you find comfort in it and just want to hide?

I wish I am her
I wish I can hold you again
I wish I can touch you again
I wish I can kiss your lips again
I wish I can taste your mouth again

I wish I am her
I wish the stares are for me
I wish the flowers are for me
I wish the letters are for me
I wish the "i love you's" are for me

But darling, I know
When we're together
You wished that she was me
You wished that I was her

I've read a post on facebook about a girl who committed suicide. As per the narrator, she was a good person, a good leader, a good friend and as they can see a perfect daughter. But little did they know that she was suffering because of her parents. Her parents were dissappointed because she was not intelligent enough to graduate with flying colors, the pressure was too much that she wasn't able to carry it all. So she ended it all by taking her life away.


It makes me sad whenever I hear/read stories like that. Sometimes, I think that they are so brave, but sometimes I think they are just stupid to do it. But who am I to judge??

And to all the parents, you are suppose to know, support and understand your children, not to chain them and definitely not to cause them to die..

this is my personal opinion, so an advance apology for the sensitive topic

~
*The world has reached it's death
"Wake me up when the world is green again"*
Billion years have passed
But still, she's in a deep sleep

I was like a high school student
Afraid of leaving my comfort zone
Afraid of change and adjustment
Afraid of what awaits, the unknown

But this is reality, this is real life
I chose to work in a corporate world
So I have to deal with it like its my wife
And wait how my life will unfold

I am a grown up now
A professional, dealing with business people
Being stupid is not allowed
And it kinda freaks me somehow

Because I act stupid sometimes
And I am a bit antisocial too

so many times
cupid has shot your heart
yet it was all a failure
now you don’t trust him
whenever a new arrow
plunges into your heart
you failed to feel
and now you’re looking
for love in all the wrong places
oh my darling belle
rest easy your heart
believe me, someday,
someone will be worth
that pain of an arrow shot
someday, he will find you
and when he does, he will love you
the way you deserve to be loved

i’ve got the brightest halo
amongst the devils mob
and behind these smiles
are the sins i hide

I am not pretty
That’s why you’ll never notice me
Don’t mention my hair
Don’t ask my day

Typical ******
Always on the corner of window
Don’t ask what music I listen
Don’t ask the poems I have written

Don’t ask me, don’t notice me
Because I am easily mistaken
Mere questions, I thought was an attention
A little attention, I thought an affection

Maybe that’s the reason
Why I easily get attached to people
Who shows even a little interest
Who shows even a little care

I always long for affection
That's why I am always mistaken

i’m jealous
of the kid
who once lived
in this heart

Pushed the button to 6th floor
With my new dress, new hairstyle
Plus my most winsome smile
Cheerfully, i opened the door

Shocked expressions upon my entrance
Wide eyes, stares of awe
Made me feel like I was in trance
"I know, I look wow"

That moment took quite long
They start to eye me like I don't belong
Then I also start to comprehend
I do not know the faces of these men

Slowly, the smiles turns into a loud burst of laughters
My face, form blazing red to color of ashes
As I realized I was in the wrong room
To save myself, I laughed along with them

With an apology
I tried to exit gracefully
All the confidence I gather for today
Was all at once eaten away
Because I was a fool
For entering a wrong room

you’re still here
why do i miss you?
but the words are trapped
afraid to reach you
if there’s a place
where unspoken words go
it’ll be crowded
with all the words
i wish i can tell you

---
I do not fit
I do not belong
They could not get my wit
It's the right kind of wrong

I can't comment
I can't put a heart
I can't repost
I can't add to any collection
What's wrong with HP?

"If I lay here
if I just lay here,
would you lie with me and just forget the world?"*


I never knew that song before, until you sang it to me
It used to be our favorite song
And now, I could not listen to it without remembering you

As the lyrics flow to my ears
I was drowning in my own tears
Even if it brings so much hurt
I played the song again
to reminisce our memories
to remember our love

I pressed play again and again
to rewind our story
And it hurts so much
that our relationship has now become a story

It saddens me that to be with you again is to go back to our memories
It saddens me that to be with you again is to play the song again
It saddens me that this song can bring so much emotions and feelings, but never an *us

i’m tired of you leaving and coming back
and me accepting you like nothing happened
i’m tired of starting again and breaking again
and collecting pieces again and starting over and over again
i’m tired of investing then detaching
then boom it’s a ******* **** cycle
i’m tired yet i still go back and back and again and again
and forget and forgive again
i’m tired of you changing your mind
and me not even changing a heart
i’m tired, i’m so ******* tired
but I love you, i love you still
i love you with every ache of this heart
i love you with every stain and scar
i love you with every fiber of my existence
yeah i’m tired, but i said i love
and when i say i love you, i mean it forever

They keep asking me
Speechless
I pretended, searching for an answer
How could I tell them?

I was just lost all those years

i wish
we are invisible to time
because when it caught us
hands of clock seems to hurry
hours into minutes
minutes into seconds
then suddenly our moments are passing..
lost in time..
fleeting..