I now consider,
Luxury- five hours of sleep
I'll be happy then

it must be
the shared loneliness
the craving for warmth
the longing for love
and then there is time
and distance too
but there is us
and i hope it’s enough

she sings of broken dreams and loneliness
she smells of *** and cigarettes
she takes me high, she takes me low
she is the belle i can’t let go
she dances for me when she is high
she tells me she loves me but it’s a lie
she gets me high yet she let’s me down
but still she is the belle i can’t let go

93
it can be a drop of clear fluid
or a cut, a rip, a wrench
but when you said your last goodbye
oh darling
my heart bleeds through my eyes
and suddenly, tears
it means saline solution
and at the same time a laceration
and my heart, oh my good heart


it tears...

This is me
and too bad
i am no Cupid
to shoot an arrow
into your **** heart
to make you fall in love
with nothing but all of me

I've been trying to write stories
then my mind wanders into fantasies
I could not find a perfect subject
so I looked everywhere for an object

But still..

Another writer's block
tik tok tik tok said the clock
write a line, write a line
and find a rhyme, find a rhyme
Oh! I found a dime, I found a dime!
Lets buy some wine!

tik tok tik tok said the clock

Delete the first two verses
Because it was all nonsense
Please give me a concept!
In return I will try to write you a sonnet
Said, I WILL TRY to write you a sonnet

tik tok tik tok said the clock

I am running out of time
I am running out of lines
Sorry for the rumbling
I really am struggling
Couldn't find a perfect subject
So my papers here are wrecked

maybe I've been caring
     more than I should
     that's why I'm hurting
     more than I should

Wish

i asked the genie
if i could get a five wish
instead of three
“my lady, the more the wish,
the more you greed,
so now let me grant your wishes”
and so I told the mighty genie
“don’t let him forget me”
“don’t let him forget me”
“don’t let him forget me”
that’s it, now tell me if it’s greed

I said “no” for the first time
At first it doesn’t seem right
I felt so guilty
And kept saying sorry
I felt so sad
It felt like I was so bad
It consumes me, guilt
It felt like it was my fault
As for the second time
It was a lesser crime
Still, there was a guilt feeling
But it somehow felt freeing
To say no without explaining
To say no without minding
To say no because you simply don't like it
To say no when you truly mean it

i was falling fast and hard
i have to second think why
then i remembered, it started to rain
oh, i’m a raindrop!

.
.
*“found you”
someone once told me
“did you, did you??”


you’ll find me
between pages of a book
disguised in poetry
good or bad i maybe

you’ll find me
read between the lines
of your favorite songs
happy or sad i maybe

you’ll find me
in gardens, orchards
a nurtured flower
or just an ugly **** maybe

you’ll find me
look at the sky
i’ll be dancing among the objects
a dead star or the sun i maybe

you’ll find me,
traces of me
you’ll know it

i know, i know
you’ll find me,
wherever i’ll be
whatever i am

i know, i know
somewhere in this world
in the perfect time
i know, i know that
someday you will find

no matter how small
no matter how simple
your act of kindness
is always appreciated

How dare you to comeback just when I decided to forget you?

a cloudless sky as clear as your eyes
ohh i see you are a belle in disguise
in you, there is quiet and hurricanes
flowers, rainbows and rains
ohh you a belle in disguise
tiptoeing between truths and lies
don’t let them take whatever remains
don’t let reality put you into chains

there is us
and somebody told me
that it should be enough
but there is culture,
religion and perspective too
there are diffeences
and us would not be enough
there must be respect,
understanding, acceptance
there must be more than just an us
there must be more than just love

let these sobs
speak for the tiredness i’m feeling
let these tears
fill the emptiness i’m feeling
just let it be, let it be
eventually, the sobs, the tears
will soon tire and will finally
find their way to stop

do you think you’re
saving me from heartbreak?
love, didn’t you realized?
the moment you said you love me
you already broke my heart

this is not a poem
but a declaration
of defeat, a concession
the things i can’t change
the feelings i can’t make
as i comeback to this world
i’m not even whole, not even healed
from whatever diagnosis
from whatever disease
that sicks this life
that plunges the heart and mind
i swallowed pills, the happy ones
i even injected acceptance
i’m not even sure if it will lead to healing
or just a temporary silencing
of the chaos, of the storm
that lives within my soul
but whatever it might be
wherever it might take me
i now understand that not all lost battle is a defeat
and not all who concede are weak
and now is my turn, ohhh
i concede to this beautiful life

The morning shines
The sun is beaming
Everyday she blossoms
Like flowers in spring

Contagious smile
A lovely laughter
My heart will fly
At the sight of her

To open my eyes and see her
Oh I can stay like this forever
She is my morning coffee
That wakes every part of me

She is a beautiful dream
But I like mornings better
Because everytime I wake up
I know she's real

a leo and a libra
f*ck the constellations
the loose ends
don’t matter anymore
it was destiny, fate




fate has lost faith in us

Drowning in depression
I could not swim
It was deep, very very deep
I could not see the depth
*Darkness, I am sinking

Ms. Yin, meets Mr. Yang
Heaven and hell, it's a bang
I can hear the angels' sweet voices
But tempting is the devil's whispers
To whom shall I pray,
to blow the tedious night away?
To whom shall I listen,
to see the far glisten?

The angel promised a paradise,
told me to be kind and take each sacrifice
The sinister said, like the sun I will arise,
power and might, but you know the price

I admit, sometimes I'm losing hope
wanted to confess and talk to the pope
But then, an ill voice spoke
told me to get a rope or a dope
When I want an easy way out,
I listen to the ill voice, even in doubt
When my angel seems to abandon me,
In the darkness I flee

Is it immoral to stick to the dark side,
when fading is your guiding light?
Is it wrong to cling to the dark side,
when you find comfort in it and just want to hide?

Don't ask me why I stop giving you attention,
When in fact you never gave an appreciation.

Don't ask me why I didn't fight
I know you will only say it wasn't right

So please don't ask me why I left
When in the first place, you never asked me to stay.

whatever curves and carbs you’ve got
didn’t i tell you, i love you and your scoliosis
i love you just the same, or maybe more
oh my fainthearted belle
when will you realize that from a cocoon
you are now a lovely butterfly?
if you only saw, if you only believed
belle, you are a beautiful metamorphosis

I wish I am her
I wish I can hold you again
I wish I can touch you again
I wish I can kiss your lips again
I wish I can taste your mouth again

I wish I am her
I wish the stares are for me
I wish the flowers are for me
I wish the letters are for me
I wish the "i love you's" are for me

But darling, I know
When we're together
You wished that she was me
You wished that I was her

Shame shame shame
Shame on those who reads leaked scripts
Shame shame shame
Shame on those who spreads leaked photos
Shame shame shame
Shame on those who watches leaked episodes
Shame shame shame
Shame on me xD

~
*The world has reached it's death
"Wake me up when the world is green again"*
Billion years have passed
But still, she's in a deep sleep

look at the mirror
look at yourself
filled with broken poetries
from shattered dreams
and shattered heart
those deadbeat words
that never made it to your mouth
now choking you to death
those bloodstained verses
for unheard horrible screams
lurking in your head
look, look at yourself
my beautiful belle in disguise
the monsters you’ve tried to hide
the tears you’ve failed to free
look, look at the face you’ve faked
why can’t you just say you’re weak??

I've read a post on facebook about a girl who committed suicide. As per the narrator, she was a good person, a good leader, a good friend and as they can see a perfect daughter. But little did they know that she was suffering because of her parents. Her parents were dissappointed because she was not intelligent enough to graduate with flying colors, the pressure was too much that she wasn't able to carry it all. So she ended it all by taking her life away.


It makes me sad whenever I hear/read stories like that. Sometimes, I think that they are so brave, but sometimes I think they are just stupid to do it. But who am I to judge??

And to all the parents, you are suppose to know, support and understand your children, not to chain them and definitely not to cause them to die..

this is my personal opinion, so an advance apology for the sensitive topic

i thought it was the sun
but it was your smile
oh you’re a culprit in disguise
you stole the sun’s shine

I was like a high school student
Afraid of leaving my comfort zone
Afraid of change and adjustment
Afraid of what awaits, the unknown

But this is reality, this is real life
I chose to work in a corporate world
So I have to deal with it like its my wife
And wait how my life will unfold

I am a grown up now
A professional, dealing with business people
Being stupid is not allowed
And it kinda freaks me somehow

Because I act stupid sometimes
And I am a bit antisocial too

misconstrued
instituted
marginalized
muted

they call me sick
they call me freak
disorders are not just an adjective
for you to be abusive
lucid, disillusions
more than just unsettled hormones

too many assumptions
too many misconstructions
they think they know me
those petty eyes

if i don’t get cured
don’t laugh at me
i’m still a human being
just like you

10 months,
oh time flies so fast
i have been counting the days
since you left me jaded in this place
and out of tears and pain
i cursed the angels for taking you away
how could they?
how could they turn my sunshines into rain?

i’ve got the brightest halo
amongst the devils mob
and behind these smiles
are the sins i hide

I am not pretty
That’s why you’ll never notice me
Don’t mention my hair
Don’t ask my day

Typical ******
Always on the corner of window
Don’t ask what music I listen
Don’t ask the poems I have written

Don’t ask me, don’t notice me
Because I am easily mistaken
Mere questions, I thought was an attention
A little attention, I thought an affection

Maybe that’s the reason
Why I easily get attached to people
Who shows even a little interest
Who shows even a little care

I always long for affection
That's why I am always mistaken

Pushed the button to 6th floor
With my new dress, new hairstyle
Plus my most winsome smile
Cheerfully, i opened the door

Shocked expressions upon my entrance
Wide eyes, stares of awe
Made me feel like I was in trance
"I know, I look wow"

That moment took quite long
They start to eye me like I don't belong
Then I also start to comprehend
I do not know the faces of these men

Slowly, the smiles turns into a loud burst of laughters
My face, form blazing red to color of ashes
As I realized I was in the wrong room
To save myself, I laughed along with them

With an apology
I tried to exit gracefully
All the confidence I gather for today
Was all at once eaten away
Because I was a fool
For entering a wrong room

---
I do not fit
I do not belong
They could not get my wit
It's the right kind of wrong

i’m jealous
of the kid
who once lived
in this heart

I can't comment
I can't put a heart
I can't repost
I can't add to any collection
What's wrong with HP?

you’re still here
why do i miss you?
but the words are trapped
afraid to reach you
if there’s a place
where unspoken words go
it’ll be crowded
with all the words
i wish i can tell you

When mind spilled the words
The two hands will do the work
Tool for poetry :)

Hey Yats, are you there??

Yes*, he will always answer back..


That's where I got his nickname
He always STAY for me, so I called him YATS


Time passes by,
Growing up away from each other
The "always" turns into "sometimes"


But we managed to keep each other
And whenever we had a time to meet,
It always feels HOME


I still call him Yats,
He may not be physically present
but I know, he will always be there
He may not always stay, but I know
I just know, he's there..

amidst the sea of strangers
everything seems blurry, the only vivid is your face
.
my heart almost breaking my ribs
wanting to explode, it can’t resist
.
i wanted to be near you, i wanted to be yours
i wanted you to be mine, i wanted an ‘us’
.
so i wrote poems for you
everything in this galaxy
.
everything that can put to life
this blazing love
.
i wrote poems for you
i couldn’t count
.
i wrote poems for you
because it’s all i can do
.
i wrote poems for you
to lessen the pain of not having you
.
because somebody owns you
and i am trying live somehow
.
so i wrote poems for you
it’s my only way to get by

Worry about things
Gives you something else to do
But leads you nowhere

another one for you
.
.
*
kiss me quick
hurry, your kiss is the air
that i breath
kiss me quick
i’ll die if you don’t
kiss me quick
my lungs need to be filled
oh darling, kiss me quick
your kiss is my remedy

so many times
cupid has shot your heart
yet it was all a failure
now you don’t trust him
whenever a new arrow
plunges into your heart
you failed to feel
and now you’re looking
for love in all the wrong places
oh my darling belle
rest easy your heart
believe me, someday,
someone will be worth
that pain of an arrow shot
someday, he will find you
and when he does, he will love you
the way you deserve to be loved