I thought if I could swallow the stars
I’d be as beautiful as the evening sky
I tried one night    with fireflies
They burned my throat
Their legs striking at soft flesh
But my skin did not glow
No moon crawled from my eye sockets
I was left with corpses in my stomach
I soon learned I would only ever be
A cemetery

thank god i can’t write good poetry
the best poetry comes from pain and hurt if you ask me
so although i can’t write like i used to
at least it means i’m doing alright

.
How I wish I could lay my head
down gently on your thighs,
to make you moan and sigh aloud
and slowly close your eyes.

How I wish I could use my tongue
and give you more than rhyme,
to bring a flush up to your cheek,
of feelings beyond space and time.

How I wish that I could speak
in words of feathered certainty
and so entice your curious mind
to lay down with me for eternity.
.
.
© Pagan Paul (2017)

There are some who may prefer a cloudless sky and the touch of a warm sun. These hearts are similar climates, and you may find them at no great distance from the equator.

Not mine.

My love is for the sedge and moss covered upland of frozen lakes, where the cold white blanket covers the steppes. Peace is found here, among the ice and whispered within the biting gale as it travels over her skin.

Her chill breath touches me, and I am not driven away.
For within my chest beats a fire as black as space between the stars.

And I go unclothed, as the caribou carry me across the frozen land.

I am the horned god.

It's been a while since I've tried writing the loneliness out of my soul.
but how do I stop feeling so alone?
can I cage up the feeling somewhere away from my bones
so I can breathe easy again without the voice in my head saying
"you don't deserve to be loved" and "you'll never have anyone to hold"
because it's true, and i feel bad when i look at you,
and when i hold you my hands are full of apologies,
selfishly not wanting to be empty, but in the end we let go.
we always let go and i'm always alone and i want to be free
of wanting to be otherwise. i want to stop being so restless on my own at night,
pleading with whoever's on the moon to give me someone too,
hoping for friends and for something more and for love that will forgive me for wanting it too much,
for desiring what i don't deserve, for a soft voice that will say, "it's okay. i want to love you anyway."
but i'll settle for nights that don't feel so cold; i just want to feel okay on my own,
no tears slipping down my cheeks when all i want is to sleep.
i want to stop feeling empty, i wish my bones would know they're home -
i am my own safe place. i want to be alright. at night i clutch a pillow to my chest so tight
it's like i am trying to squeeze my heart numb.