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  Mar 2020 Aver
rk
red wine
stained our lips,
with clumsy hands
tracing moonlight
on your skin.
our love got sweeter
with each stolen kiss
and in those moments
i knew,
i would follow you
to any ruin.
- all i could breathe was you.
  Mar 2020 Aver
Leonardo J
but you see my dear, my sweet,
you always stood so far away,
I've not a bow to reach you like he,
not one arrow or a sight for aim like he,
I've only this stinger which even then,
needs you to be very close to strike
but what I lack in range I gain in what lingers,
a toxin that seeks your rivers of blood,
so to be inside of you, to traverse all within you,
to pump into your heart
as you gasp from pleasure, from pain and all the realms in between
as you slip out of consciousness,
I watch you as your eyes close.
  Mar 2020 Aver
Nat Lipstadt
for her.

<>

“you will laugh with surprise, as the anointing oil of relief
crowns your head, slicking down to caving cavities,
river running in crevices, that feed the buried places, replenishing the almost forgotten secret of letting go”^

                                                         ~

the mind caches certain skills, once learned, never to return,
but tucked away, just in case, maybe, in the nightstand junk drawer of: “don’t need it now but, ****, you never know”

kept around in the lost and hopefully, not to be searched for & found,
a skill set painfully gained, a muscle memory, flabby from no use
but quick taut tightly, snapping back when ****, here we go again

I loved you in ways theoretical impossible till you enabled the possible

lost you for no good reason, in an act history labels beyond belief,
refuses to record, lest by memorializing it became/becomes re-realized,
this intolerable, would be past the ****** eroding barrier reef

the difference between junk and treasures is in which drawer placed,
the steps to letting go once learned, cannot be forgot, the cost,
way way too high, kept around, in a damnable place beyond grief

not to close, handy, findable but easily, avoided, but strange, when
living in the epicenter of the virus, you do some cataloguing, ridiculous,
this touchy-feely escapade, nothing ****-it to be gained, all-too-brief

head shake, took a pandemic to make you go back, rustling among
the ancient, old hand-writ poems, another keepsake kept for reasons
known and unknown, to be **** sure you once owned it, survival skills

In the Pandemic Days of Almost,
somethings will die, some go forgotten,
but the almost-forgetting-skill will survive,
a necessity of the how-to’s:


how to grieve,
how to believe,
how to leave
but live on,
hoarding
all the **** necessaries
ready to be retrieved



<>
Tuesday Mars 24 Twenty Twenty noon

In the Epicenter, New York City
  Mar 2020 Aver
z
when people are in love
they often say
they simply fell
tripped over their own two feet
face forward
and into the arms of their beloved

i did more than simply fall
onto the ground of your love

you, for me
were an ocean
and i dived
headfirst
roughly
harshly
almost painfully
into the waters of “you”

i knew i could not swim
but i did so anyway
i was drowning
entangled in you
surrounded by this being of “you”
engulfed in this feeling of “you”

and i did not know what came over me
but i let myself drown
i did not try to swim back up
because if i went back to land,
releasing myself from your grasp
that would mean losing the feeling of “you”

and after
submerging into the depth
the love
the passion
of “you”

how could i ever leave?
  Mar 2020 Aver
Tiana Marie
She was like music,
and I longed to dance.

Her heart was the beat,
and I begged for the chance.

Her words were the vocals,
and I was put in a trance.

Her smile was the melody,
and I fell in love at first glance.
  Mar 2020 Aver
lynn
thank you.

thank you for convincing me i had the world.
thank you for playing with my hair only after i styled it the way you like it.
thank you for holding me while i cooked our dinner,
and only letting me eat a quarter of what you did,
because my "voluntary" starvation turns you on.
thank you for touching me so gently,
gently enough that i thought it meant something,
and for showing me a constructed version of your heart.

thank you
for breaking my trust almost as much as you broke me,
for showing me that your needs mean more to you than mine ever did,
and for showing me that the sick satisfaction of knowing you could make me lose myself was more important to you than the fragility of my abandoned soul.

thank you
for testing the elasticity of my heart
and the bandwidth of my patience,
for showing me i deserve more than a man who uses manipulation
to hide his undeniable self hatred,
and for letting me build you up so high above this Earth that gravity would carry you
and you'd never have to fall back down and see what you left.

thank you
for showing me every single thing I don't want.

and when someone comes along and loves me in a way that you never could,
i hope you look down and see me shining brighter than every star in the atmosphere i lifted you up to.
abusive relationships in any form (physical, emotional, etc.) can be extremely detrimental to your health on so many levels. even after exiting one, the emotions are still extremely vivid and lasting. i'm on a journey of letting go of the pain i carry so that i don't have to heal silently. i also want to show others in similar situations that they're not alone. please share and spread the word if you like!
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