Beneath the canopy of darkness
And the yellow of the street lamps.
We walk at the pace of a traveler
With no map or destination.
We journey down the sidewalk with
Goosebumps on our skin,
And a dimmed fire in our hearts,
The small distance between us
Being the only warmth
Against the harsh winter air.
You point your nose towards the sky
And let out a little laugh--
A little cloud escapes into the night--
And mesmerized, I find myself smiling
And when i look up, I swear I can see
The stars smiling too.
And as I watch the movement of your lips,
And as I listen to the sound of your voice,
I decide that the late winter nights
Are most beautiful
As long as they’re with you

In a crowd of a thousand
You are the one
My eyes find first.

When the lights are dimmed
To me, you shine
No differently from a star

In the buzzing of a crowd
Your voice rings
And I turn to find you

And even when you're distracted
You make me stop and notice

But to you,
I'm just another face
Another dimmed out soul
Another voice
That adds to the buzzing

But I cant help but hope
That one day
When I'm not noticing
You'll look around
And search for me.

i never believed it whenever someone
would describe me using the word beautiful.
it never rung right
it was always as though
the word could never naturally roll off someone’s tongue
with me on their mind.

i remember where it began:
when I was told I wasn’t worthy
and that I am everything
nobody wants.
but I hope you’d be proud to hear
that I never fell,
i just learned to walk through silence
thinking that no words
could ever shatter the quiet.

and then you came
and through the thick walls,
i heard a slight echo of your voice.
and although it was hard to hear at first
i hear it a little clearly every time you say it:
beautiful.
i’m still in the emptiness
trying to find my way out
but there’s comfort in hearing your voice,
there’s comfort knowing
that you’re here
try to lead me out of this silence.

i thought that was the last.
i was sure that i would never feel what it’s like
to have you hold me close to you ever again.
i thought that our kiss under the bare trees
and winter sky was our last.
and for a moment,
i desperately tried running back
to feel it just once more.

one more kiss.
one  more moment when your fingers intertwine through mine.
one more moment when you held me close.

so when you wrapped your arms around me
and ran your fingers through my hair,
when i felt your hand pull me back
and you smiled at me
before planting a kiss on my lips
after what felt like an eternity
of chasing the past,
i found my world moving forward once again.
i no longer needed to mourn for the past,
you  are still here in my present,
and in my future,
which is full of moments
just waiting for us to live them.

there are four steps
of thin ice
between you and me.

1
it’s okay if you’re unsure.
i don’t mind if you’re still trying
to understand the rhythm of your heart
over the rationality in your mind.
i can wait as long as it takes
because I also know the complexity
of loving someone.
i understand the risks and the doubts
that come with
choosing to love someone.

2
all I want is your happiness
and if this thin sheet of ice isn’t enough
to hold both of us,
i don’t mind falling through
if it means keeping you afloat.
i would rather sink into the cold, dark
than to watch you struggle.
i don’t mind letting go
and breaking the ice from under me.
i want to see you happy
even if it means I won’t be the person to reach you.

3
another step forward will be my end.
there’s no path for me to walk back.
i will wait here, until you’re ready
to reach out and close the final step.
and even if the ice may break from under me
i will wait.
i will love you cautiously.
and with this distance between us,
i will choose
again and again
to give this heart to you.

I’m always trying to outrun the demons.
They take the form of you leaving
And they keep me awake by whispering
About a future without you.

But sometimes I wonder what would happen
If we ever outrun them.

Maybe one day,
I will wake up to the sunshine peeking through
My sheer, white curtains on a saturday morning
And the weight I carry will no longer be
The possibilities of you leaving
But the weight of your arm resting across my body.

Maybe one morning,
I’ll be lucky enough to be the one who awakens
Next to your sleeping face
And I’ll watch as the sun tickles your skin
And your eyelids flutter as you rest.

Maybe I’ll be able to reach out and run my fingers
Along the side of your face and when you
Don’t disappear before my eyes,
I’ll take in a shaking breath of disbelief
That we actually made it.

Maybe.

Once more.

Press your lips against mine
And let us allow time to take a rest
As the reds and greens of the traffic lights
Caress our cheeks while we pass silently in the night.
I’ll let you take my hand in one of yours
And I’ll let you hold my heart in the other.
Breathless. Light. Euphoric.
I am drowning in the taste of you.

And I can't help but find myself
Eagerly waiting for a once more.