simple like rain
on a window pane--
it all sounds the same
drip drops
turn to hurricanes.

simple like rain
the tree branches sway--
wind passes through
whispers secrets to me and you
as the sun sets in the afternoon.

simple like rain.

a warm cup of coffee
with cinnamon and honey

a little bitter, a little lovely

but hot as hell just the same

we go night swimming,
then wake early to watch sunrise.

blue wash
watercolor sky
and cactus-covered
rolling hills on the horizon.

only going 50 in a 45
because we want to get
there quickly, but not
too quickly.

or maybe we're just
trying to keep up.

all of these nerves--
creating wildebeest
stampedes in my
stomach.
hope they're wrong
about the future.

the fear is
consuming.
but i don't even
know why.

life's really crazy sometimes.

grasping at things
not meant for me.
they slip from
my hands so
easily.

feeling
    hopeless
          helpless
full of fear.

what does the future hold?
they say it gets better
and i'm screaming

WHEN?

today i feel like
my heart left my body
and my brain left my head.

everything feels wrong
and nothing feels real
and i can't believe anyone
or even myself.
everything is distorted. contorted.
out of focus.

the stress runs through my body.
and sometimes there's a fire
in my stomach and i scream
****** ****** to put it out with
the tears that eventually come.

and i look at myself and almost
wanting to strangle the person
looking back at me i ask
over and over,
why
are
you
like
this