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Leandra Feb 2017
The air around me is getting thicker
So thick, that you could see it like fog
The sun is getting colder
So cold, that is feels like winter
The ground underneath me is disappearing
So quickly, that I might fall back
Everything is vanishing
So fast, that...... well you can't explain what it feels like when you get forgotten.
Still trash
Leandra Sep 2017
I can't breathe
gasp
I feel the water fill my lungs
panicking
I can't see anything around me
Searching
It's overwhelming me
screams
It's surrounding me
breathes in
I hit my back on something
opens eyes
Something soft
breathes slowly
I'm okay
smiles lightly
It was only a dream
Nightmares.......
Leandra Jan 2017
I stare at my screen
Not sure what to say
I want to say that I still love you
But that would be too difficult and straight forward.
How can I make this conversation not so awkward.
Should I just say hey, how was your day?
Should I let you text me first?
My mind is running and my heart is chasing.
Not sure what to do.
We have a bad past, I know
But I want to make it different because......
The phone starts ringing
It is you
I answer and breath deeply.
You whispered,
I love you too......
Leandra Mar 2017
Me
I was blue
He
He was red
Us
We were lilac
Love
It turned gray
Pain
turned clear
His heart
turned black
Mine
turned white with speckles of red
Memories turned clear and invisible
That was the colors of our love
Help me please I need to get over him
Leandra Jan 2017
I lost who I am and I don't understand why I won't accept your love or even allow you to love me.
It just seems so wrong to let you love me when I love someone else....
I got this idea of a song call Shattered by Trading Yesterday.
Leandra Sep 2017
Remember when you said people lose people.

Yeah........

Well..... I'm ready to lose you.

Ok... I'm not holding you back.

Alright.

Then goodbye........

( I wish you could see my face when you sent me that message. I wish you could see me die when I realized you were right. We weren't meant to be and we were holding on to something that will never happen. It was just a hope, a beg. It was just a dream.......)
This is a representation of messages that I got this weekend. I learned that day that you can never trust someone even if they were your best friend for five years. They will **** you slowly.
Leandra Feb 2017
Stuck in the air
Need to come back to Earth
Floating above
I need someone to be my gravity
I need to get back to reality
I need to feel the ground under my feet again
I need someone to be my gravity
Leandra Feb 2017
In a room
there is a bed.
Under that bed
there is a box.
On that box
there is a lock
In the box
there is a heart
If you look closer to the box
you could see a tag
On that tag
there is a name
Now turn around
do you see that little girl in the door
That is me
and my heart is the heart in the box.
Happy Valentine's day for all the couples and the singles
Leandra Jan 2018
I don't want to fall in love
Not with you
Not with anyone
It doesn't matter how much **** you say to me
About how much you love me which is a ******* lie
Or how much you need me which you don't
It doesn't matter and it never will
sigh
I don't want to be hurt anymore
I'm tired of going to sleep with tears on pillows
Pain in my heart
You on my mind
I'm tired of all this *******
That you so kindly give me
I'm tired of love
But guess what.......
crying
I'm in love with you.......
OOOOOOOof
Leandra Dec 2018
I knew the kisses weren't for me but they were for her lips
The "I love you" was supposed to be heard by her ears and not mine
When you held me, you saw her instead of me
Because you didn't love me
You didn't want me
But I was the "BEST" second choice
I'm sorry that I wasn't her
That you weren't in love with me
That I am in love with you
I'm sorry
Leandra Jan 2017
I loved you when we were together
I love you still to this day
Our love was broken two months ago
I mask my pain with a smile and a laugh
I see you with all this other girls
Seeing you make them smile
Remembering when I was that girl
I refused to love anyone else
I torture myself by watching you go on with your life
While I am still stuck in the past
I'm holding on the hope you see me like I see you
That you come back to me
I hold on to the memories
I lock myself in my room with them
I locked up my heart in a box and wrote your name on it
So I remember that it is yours and only yours
Because I promised you that I will love you and only you forever.
UGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUHHUHHHH
Leandra Jan 2017
Things will get better
That is what everyone says.
But has anything got better,
No.
Nothing has got better.
Everything has gotten worse.
Nothing has emotional has changed.
My mind is still to him and I still love him.
Yes, I know that he loves someone else now.
Yes,
I know that I am nothing to his memories now.
Everything will be okay.
No it won't
I haven't been okay for almost a year.
Everything will change, he will miss you.
He said he loved me but the smile that was on his face after the pain
Says something completely different.
He still loves you,
Now
you are trying to hurt me
Leandra Jan 2017
The smile that lies is spread across my face
A big toothy grin from ear to ear
A childish laugh and snort
A light sparkling and dancing in my eyes.
but none of these are actually true.
The big smile wants frown all the time and pout
The childish laughs want to be sobs
The light in my eyes are just tears brim my eyes.
But I put on this face so no one can see the....
smile that lies
Leandra Jan 2017
It is easy to see that I'm not happy..
Ok, well guess what..
I'm not going to be happy about losing someone i love.
I'm not going to be happy if you want me to.
Yes, I am going to cry and scream, ranting about how no one understands me.
I will reject everyone's help and stay to myself.
But leave me be because I am trying to recover being lied to.
Being brought down.
Being worthless and having someone step all over me.
I'm trying to forget about the memories but they just come back.
So if you want to help me
THEN LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!!!!!!!
Leandra Jan 2017
YOU
filled her with life.
Breathed air in her lungs.
Gave her a reason to live.
But
YOU
**** the air away,
so she was barely breathing.
**** the reason to be happy and to live,
turned it to hate and hell.
Then
YOU
**** the life from her soul.
Leandra Feb 2017
I wish I could feel your arms around me. I wish I could feel your lips against my again. I wish I could come to your house and us just watch movies and laugh together. I wish I could see your smile and be the one to make you smile. I wish I could proudly call you mine again. I wish I could dance with you one more time. I wish I could tell  you that I love you.
Regret letting go. Regretting saying goodbye. Regretting falling apart. Regretting tell you that I miss you and that I love you. Regretting you see my pain. Regretting that I let you take control of me. But most of all..........
Regretting ever loving you and still loving you.
Leandra Jan 2017
I
I love
I love you
I love you more
I love you most
I love you mostest
I love you mostestest
I love you more than you love me
I love you more than anyone could love you
I don't love you anymore
I don't think we need to be together
Goodbye
Leandra Jan 2017
We first met on the bus.
I was dating your best friend.
You thought I deserved more than him.
You made me smile and made me laugh.
You made me feel loved.
The day you decided you would ask me out,
was the day I felt alive.
Its like you breathed air in my lungs for the first time.
You were my world.
I told you I'm not perfect or I will hurt you
You said that it didn't matter because you loved me.
You loved me
I believed this game you played for 10 months.
I couldn't see that our time was up.
I still loved you through the fights and arguments.
I still loved your flaws and your imperfections.
Then the day came,
where the pain just got deeper.
I loved you so much that I couldn't understand why you were with a girl,
that who you hated with all your heart.
So I let you go because I loved you.
I gave up my happiness so you could be happy.
I gave up my world so you could be free.
And there you are,
Showing me that you never loved me the way I loved you.
Flirting with every girl you see,
calling people names.
I just stand from afar,
watching the person I love,
torturing myself ,
regretting everything.
But I did it because,
**I Love You
My past relationship
Leandra Jan 2017
What if I didn't fall in love
Would I be happier or would I just be depressed
What if I didn't kiss your lips for the first time
Would another girl kiss them r would they be left unkissed
What if I didn't tell you that i loved you
Would life be better or would it just hurt more
But what if I didn't say goodbye
Would we still be together or would we both be gone
What if we married
I don't want to think about that because that chance is already gone
The thoughts what if, run threw
Leandra Jan 2017
Let me tell you about me

People look at me,
Like I am a thing that came from outer space.
They look at my height, my clothes, my wrists, my thighs, but not at me.
They say things like you are small or you wear really weird clothes.
Why don't you wear shorts or why do you have bracelets on one wrist.
But none of them ask me why I am me.
No asked me why I can be sad, but paint a smile on my face just to get through the day. None of them ask why my eyes are rimmed with tears but I say that everything is okay. That is the biggest lie, I am okay.
No one asked me why I don't fit in or that i need a friend.
No, they asked what is on the outside, not what is in the inside.
That is all they see, is the outside.

— The End —