---

in
the
crystal
water bubbles
reflecting there are
golden koi

in
the
mossy
depth of feathers
ancient moonlight
is the buoy

around the
blue-grey stone's
alignment
sand is raked
in perfect poise

every
leaf
has its
assignment
crickets make
a creaking noise

---

there
within the
island garden
small and jewel-like
in the grove

amidst
kimono and the obi
there's a peace
the Nippon know

muted colors
placid faces
the paper lanterns
sway and glow

the lords and ladies
sit for hours
where
the
lotus
flowers
grow

I am BPD.
I am the demon that possesses your mind,
I am the ghost of all you want to leave behind.
I am the monster that will make you unstable,
The voice in your head making you suicidal.
I am your heart making your emotions intense,
I am your mind, muddled and making no sense.
I am your brain making you neurotic,
With the perfect balance of a handful of psychotic.
I am your self-esteem making you feel worthless,
I will make sure you feel that you have no purpose.
I am your impulsiveness making you act reckless;
Your need to harm yourself is becoming endless.
I am your soul feeling neglected,
You feel it very deeply because you need to be protected.
I am your extreme paranoia,
Making you live in a shell, I’m a merciless destroyer.
I am your fear of rejection, you will outburst at the slightest disaffection.
So, I am BPD and I will ruin your life,
I will cover you in scars made by the blade of a knife.

You are a contradiction, let me be an exception

“Let it go” you said, as you reached out for my hand, your fingers like threads that stitch and bind your skin with mine.

“Close your eyes” you said, as you showed me what could be. We were a vivid dream, why did you wake me ?

“Hold on to me” you said, as we jumped and I fell and kept falling, as you pulled out your parachute. I never did learn to fly.

“You are free” you said, but what was freedom when it gave me a choice to go back to you?

“Stay with me” you said, as you stood by the doorway, looked at me and shut the door.

How could I ask you to stay, when it seemed easier to let you go?

There is beauty in tragedy, they say
But where was the beauty, in this tragedy?
Where was the beauty, if my heart was the tragedy?


And I have asked myself,

Where do you end?
‘Why’
Where do I begin?
‘Why not’

You did not mean what you said, but it hurt like you did
I wish I did not
But I did
I did

You are my contradiction, but I am not your exception

19th July

Saturns hexagon shaped storm stuffed into a human body.
I open my mouth and the black bellowing thunder
batters everyone in my way into the ground,
gailforce winds stealing their breath to make it mine.

Ferocious tidal waves live in my eyes and
leak from me and fill the room
but i'm already drowning.

My lungs are filled with ***** water and I feel it flooding my veins like poison.
I can feel the bolts of lightning glittering behind my eyes,
stunning those who try to look at me - into me.

I am a complete hurricane in a persons form, a never-ending storm,
a destructive monster crushing and
stomping on everything in the way.
A fusillade of iron bullets shoot from my skin.
I need to drag everyone down with me,
make them bleed with me.
Suffer with me.