Me
I quickly tap my screen to respond to your message
"I'm absolute garbage and I love you."

You
Your fingers softly brush against the keys as you type out your reply,
"You're absolutely beautiful garbage and I love you more."

Me
I thought that things would be different with you; you were so much more compassionate
"I think I'm in love with you."

You
You hesitate as you read my message, unaware of the stars that were forming in my mind at the mere thought of you
"I'm not in love with you."

Me
I read the message with my brimming eyes and soon enough, I hear the explosions in my ear of the galaxies that once formed when you told me I was an unexplainable force of nature that everyone was wary of.
I also hear the slow thudding of my heart in my ears before everything fades away and becomes numb.

You*
You sit there, quiet and in deep thought
You heard the planets imploding all the way from your bedroom
But all you did was shrug, shake your head and turn up your music.

I just want to get drunk
I just want to drive to his house
I just want to use him one more time
I just want to make really bad decisions
I just want to get so ******* high
I just want to forget
forget
forget
everything
everyone
me
I just want to do something stupid again
and not care
I just want to take off all my clothes
I just want to jump in the river
off that rock covered in ashes
I just want to go under the water
and never come back up

All I want this year is
Just a little bottle
Or a little jar
With a little something
To make me a lot forgetful
About you
Because I'm tired
Of memories
About you
Christmas or otherwise

Sorry my eyes are brown
And my hair's ***** blonde
And I'm skinny but not thin enough

Sorry I'm too short, too tall
And I'm not much of anything
And I had to quit dancing

Sorry my skin is too pale
And I have all these freckles and moles
And all these scabs and scars

Sorry I'm curved wrong
And my eyes are bad
And I talk too much

Sorry I stopped trying in school
And I'm shy but forward
And I'm an idealist

Sorry I'm broken
And uncertain
And afraid

Sorry I'm not any of the things you wanted
Sorry I loved you anyway

Destroyed am I?
I cannot tell
For when I loved you
My heart would swell

Broken am I?
That's a lie
For when I loved you
I never did cry

Lost am I?
That's not the truth
For when I was with you
My passion took root

Angry am I?
No,I liked the allure
But I also learnt that I deserve more

People tell you to speak your mind and we both know,you aren't worth their time. You begin to keep it inside and lie but yet you're still being criticized. They don't wanna see you sad but they also hate seeing you fine. They envy your happiness and are annoyed by your sadness. Truth be told, it's a cruel world.

"If this is love I don't want it, please just take it from me."
"Why does it hurt so much?"

I swallowed 36 pills today and just laid down ready to die.
You told me my sadness was beautiful... Like a flower drowning in the rain.

I laughed... Because all 36 pills were evenly counted out for the things that made me feel this way.

1. For the headaches, the nightmares and the lack of sleep.
2 for the memories of you kissing me.
3 for the heartache, the way I watched you walk off with her under your arm.
4 for the screaming, the fighting over my weight each day.
5 for the way my family just never understood the way I didn't wanna talk about my feelings.
6. For the long nights I cried myself to sleep for being so ugly no one would want me.
7. For the days I didn't think I would survive at work with a mental breakdown.
8. And last but not least, for the way I could never make myself stop worrying about everything. The way I couldn't figure out my future. The way i couldn't stop hating my entire existence.

36 pills hand counted and evenly distributed down the back of my throat.

Do you still think sadness is beautiful?