I still avoid you in the hallways
To avoid all my inevitable nail biting
And stammering phrases

I remember how the hate coiled
In my intestines
Waiting to spring free
Out of my belly
But now the fire has subsided
And I smile and bit my lips

I still remember your birthday
And on any given day
I can recite all the late night messages you had sent me that I was too asleep to answer

And some nights I grew frantic with the knife
Trying to cut you out of my skin
That your fingerprints had so carefully engraved themselves on.

Other days I welcomed your curious stares
And our troubled conversations
Never once bringing up
How our pride had hurt each other
And how our lovesick past will always be in our minds

Another 24 hours and I go delusional
Holding your shadowed hand
And listening to your voice whisper sweet little lies in my ears.
But I hope your reality never becomes better than my imagination.

But you still avoid me in the hallways.

The one thing I always hated about myself
Is that I don’t know how to start things
But once I do I don’t know how to stop them.

Sometimes I wonder if you could clean up the mess you’ve caused
In my heart.
And I have contracted disorders
That will linger in every corner of my brain and body forever.

I don’t think you realize the effect you have on me
You make me feel beauty
When I know I have none
You make me hurt
Until I am sure I will never feel again

You’re the storm that’s wrecked my soul
Tossed around my insides
Until I’ve spit up blood
Tore gashes on my skin
That a surgeon couldn’t even mend

You’re the reason this pen
Lingers on the paper
Because I am sure you will ultimately destroy this too.

You told me to write this down
So I did.
It was the first thing you ever wanted to be permanent.

But a year later I found out you had scribbled it out
With a black Sharpie.

Now I’m left wondering just how permanent words are.

I won’t give anyone else my heart
Because it’s only been broken once
And once is enough
When I know you won’t be coming back.

You knew me when
I came to you,
Drunk in the middle of the morning
Begging for forgiveness
Because from all my mistakes
You’re the only one who could make me forget them

You knew me when
We would sit on my front porch
And I would read a book.
You hated the silence
Because you were so uncomfortable around me

You knew me
The first time you cried around me
And I didn’t know what to do
Sympathy wasn’t my forte
And you realized I didn’t fit into the stereotype.

You knew me when
When I left.
Because the only reason I couldn’t stay
Was because I wasn’t strong enough
But you knew that I was stronger than you
And you could lift over 100 pounds.
It wasn’t cowardice I was running from
I was running towards a new beginning
Because you knew I hated staying in one place for too long

You knew me when
I didn’t even know myself
And I couldn’t stand to look at myself
Because I couldn’t stand to look at you.
I got mad
And you let me
Because you knew it was only the distance
That was killing me

You knew me when
I first said
“I love you.”
And you knew
I meant it.

I felt the burn on my tongue
As I kissed your fingertips
to ease the pain.
I guess that’s what we are
You’re my fire
And I’m your propane

Tell me what you like
Show me how you dance
Whats your purpose in this life?
Show me your depth
Tell me what makes you scared
Tell me about your dreams

I dont believe we are soulmates..

But lets enjoy it while it last
Soon it'll be over and we will move on
Each one on his path will carry on
Strangers we will become
Lets not take it so bad
I ll still be thinking of you and the times we had

Words Of Harfouchism

How am I supposed to tell her,
"Yeah it turns out I do have feelings.
And it turns out they're with the boy you just ******" ?

I smash open my skull and pry apart my frontal lobe ,
so I could forget how your smile made me felt.

I pull my teeth out with a pair of rusty pliers,
to make me forget the taste your tongue left me.

I tear my fingernails off and replace them with sharpened glass between the ripped flesh,
to forget the tender sweet touch from your hands.

I gorge my eyes out,
so I can forget how you used to look as you slept.

I stab my ear canals with scissors,
to forget the sound of you laughing.

I plug my nose up with mothballs,
so I forget how your clothes smelt when I wore them.

I peel off my skin piece by piece
to forget how soft your skin was.

I can’t forget.

Nobody told me
That disappointment was your body.
Nobody told me
That hope was something I shouldn't waste on you.
Nobody told me
That blood was a synonym for your name.
And nobody told me
How I should love you
or how I shouldn't,
But then again,
Nobody told me
That you are just like me;

Pushing people away
The second they ask for some
Honesty.

Nobody told me
That I needed to love myself
Before I could ever love you

Nobody told me
That you're the reason
I'm disappointed in every person
I've ever met after you.

You're the reason
Nobody told me.
Because no one told you.