i'm gonna make it
im gonna take the hundred steps

i'm gonna make it
i'll take one day at a time and it will soon be ninetynine

i'm gonna be ok
lots people have climbed this before me

i'm gonna be ok
i can do it beacuse i'm strong

i'm fine for now
but it will get better
it wont be easy
it will take a while

but i'll make it
i'll be ok..

**(c.m.h)

The problem is
People only see as far as the last sentence in the newspaper article.
They see that my best friend stabbed his father.
They see that he was planning it.
They see that he failed in his attempt to **** him.
They see that at 1:30 am he was arrested at the scene.
They see he will be tried as an adult for premeditated attempted ******.
They don't see anything else.

At our little brothers baseball games we would search for quarters to get airheads.
On the bus we would share stories about our latest failures.
He was trying to get sober.
He had failed to **** himself twice.
He had serious mental problems that everyone underestimated
He needed help.
He didn't get it.

He's alone in a juvenile detention center, isolated.
Mentally unstable and yet again without a support system.
Doomed for the rest of his life.

So excuse me when i tell you to shove it up your ***
When you say that i should stay away in fear of being remembered
Because all he'll do is remember you forgot him when he needed you most.

Please forget me, you were right dear
I am cold and self-involved
And though I'll miss you, recent lover
I am weak and therefore fold

Get distracted by my music,
Think of nothing else but art
I'll write my loneliness in poems,
If I can just think how to start

Dot my I's with eyebrow pencils,
Close my eyelids, hide my eyes,
I'll be idle in my ideals,
Think of nothing else but I

I have the power to make boys feel like MEN!
Yet I've lost all control to someone like him.
He will either be a lesson learned or the death that I crave,
Either way I'm still broken, because he turned away.

I have the power to make men feel like KINGS!
Yet like a caged bird, my sorrows I sing.
I lost all my worth, when he closed that door,
I need him to love me, of this I am sure.

I have the power to make kings feel like GODS!
Yet I cry alone in the dark, what are the odds.
I hurt myself just to make sure I am alive,
Because I'm convinced, I can no longer survive.

If I were a Wordsmith, with power in my pen,
I would write your demise, a slow, painful end.
I would cut you so deep, with my words you would bleed,
The pain overwhelming, with each word that you read.
You would choke on every promise that you had ever broken,
You would hear me loud and clear, though no words ever spoken.
My emotions catch fire, and now your suffocating,
You begin to understand, but all this time I've spent waiting,
Has made me cold and numb to all you may need,
Your cries fuel my fire, my thoughts gasoline.
If I were a wordsmith, with power in my pen,
I would make you feel the pain and the weight of your sin.

Love is for saps, suckers, and fools,
Love is pointless,
Love is the blues.

Love is cause for all the evil in the world,
Love is the gun,
Love is the girl.

Love is heartbreak and anger and fear,
Love is the pits,
Love is never clear.

Love is pain from the hottest wildest fire,
Love is burning,
Love is our strongest desire.

Love is what ails me every minute of every day,
Love is sickness,
Love is caring anyway.

Love is SO STUPID, it makes no sense,
Love is your touch,
Love is your lips.

Love is in me, though you do not care,
Love is rejection,
Love is not here.

Love is time, even when you don't have it,
Love is far-fetched,
Love is unrealistic.

Love is never real, reliable or true,
Love is someone else,
Love is not you.

Listening to unknown tunes
Then the sickening guilt consumes
I'm pathetic, I'm ordinary
I can promise I am not very
Good at this, in fact I ****
Addiction's vile, I just feel stuck
You beat yours, why can't I beat mine
It's always haunting all the time