"There is a clarity you feel...something like a bride would feel, removing a veil and seeing her husband without it. No thin mesh, clouding you. There is a clarity you feel when you finally put down your abuse."

I say while abusing once again. It's funny how light on dark moments makes the light seem brighter than normal. The truth is, the light is no different than any other day, but since you've never seen the light here its brighter. A funny perspective skew. With abuse it's the same way. You quit, give up the vice that holds you tighter than any human hand. And feels more comfortable than love. You quit addiction for sun light because after you've given death a few rounds you realize that sun isn't just bright...it's warm.

It touches your skin
and all your cells race
to the surface,
antioxidize my sins.

Months pass and you become used to the light. It's normal again, and it grows weary under the weight of the boots. The veil would be better than this.

It was better than this.

And so the light becomes the same, and maybe you need darkness again to feel that warmth. Maybe you need the vice to cut off your circulation, make you shiver in the summer winter. So that sunlight doesn't just slide past you, so that it touches you again, the way it did when you opened your eyes for the first time...

Guilt rides your
back instead,
the warhorse
of an individual
apocalypse.

You make it, though...you keep secrets, you tell lies, so no one knows. It's not just darkness, it's silence, to deprivate from

"You can get through this"
"You'll be okay"
"Youre strong"

Because paranoid whispers are better friends. But it takes awakening from the right dream to remember that the sun loves you more. Your sun loves everyone, it pours down on everyone, it fills the darkness. All the darkness is just empty space anyway. Waiting for something warm to fill it.

It takes awakening from the right dream to make you realize that the sun doesn't just fill darkness, it grows life, it lives at the crest of mountain peaks, above the ocean of clouds.

So you understand that sun lights a path,
and you run it,
you plant feet
and
oaks blossom.

You never again take the world for granted.
You never again compare light.
Because even if it is the same light overflowing a new dark,
It is a growing light.

And it is always warm,
And it sometimes burns.

I guess you could call me a bit of a *******,
because whenever you ripped my heart from my breast,
I felt nothing but pure ecstasy.
I didn't think I could ever get rid
of the only thing that reminded me of you.

You are* a meteor.
You are a destroyer.
You are a tornado.

You* ruin every item in your pathway.
You tear apart everyone in your life.
You purposely hurt anyone around you.

You are no longer the most beautiful galaxy in the universe.
You have ****** me over for the last time.
You are always a storm.

I am so tired of you always running me over.
I am done with letting you make me feel like ****.
I am leaving your life for good this time.

she dances on the soles of her exhausted feet
moving her arms with grace and femininity
she kept her balance as the beads of sweat ran down her forehead
with great posture she bowed and no one clapped, so she remained graceful and left the stage

you said 'don't lie to me
i can see your eyes'

so we sat on the jeep stop and
talked about feelings i'm
not sure i had.

you wanted i cry on your shoulder
cause you knew my loss

i was unfeeling
'can't do that on demand'

but suddenly it was 9PM and i was an ugly mess
sitting on the ground smoking menthols
wondering what the **** just happened

i was always the shoulder to cry on
so yours was a foreign place

but thank you for taking me places

You abandoned me when I was low,
Said I needed to remember my problems were my own.
You thought I didn't know that
I was reminded everyday...
When I woke and your weren't with me...
When I slept and your weren't there...

I know you must have forgotten me,
I doubt that you even cared...
But if you ever read this,
there's one thing I'd like to share.
I know now my problems are mine,
I struggle with them everyday.
But now I tell no one,
Because I cannot deal with losing anyone ever again...

It started when i was 12. the nights seemed shorter. the days were long. the school bells ring. all my wrongs seemed right. all my rights seemed wrong.
It started with weird. and escalate quickly. The tears started to come. and i believed it was fate. I was insecure. But they said they only saw beauty. to as far as the eye can see. but yet... they took my dignity. They took my self love. and locked it away. thats when it all started. i wasnt me.
i know im not the only kid who feels like this. Everyone has their bully. everyone feels low sometimes. But with the words the throw. sometime hits us and sometimes will miss.
She got laughed at for her wheight.
She soon thought eating was a mistake. People teased her for not eating. She sat alone in the empty seating. She thought she was alone.
Then there was boy. who stood alone. no one by his side. He thought about all the times he cried. His mother never wanted him. his dad soon left. He was put onto a different family tree.  No in his life stayed.  
Time flew into eighth grade. the names the call him never went away. They kept laughing and laughing and he did fade. He talked therapist; that made him strange. He got depression pills. And got wrapped in a tidal wave of a full suicidal. and then he got called popper.
Us kids were so different the built us our own jail. so hail mary full of grace. where were you when i needed you. But i dont go to bed. its all in my head. they say. instead of helping. they hurt. and in all this jail. we still have secrets. these walls are the only things that see us at at our weekest.
Then we think like this. we think we are nothing and that no one will ever love us cause we are freaks. we must try. We try to build the sun for that one person. but they reject us. We see only wrong, cause we will always be wrong in someones eyes
But when you hear these names you must stop hearing. turn off all the sound. and be alone. Remember its all lies. Youre eyes will be tearing you will feel space bound. and feel a lone.
And when they break youre heart. you must wrap in a cast. take a pen. sign it. sign it. saying they are wrong. They have to be wrong. cause they live in the past. focus on what youve done. They lie to youre face. when they call you a name. tell them they lie. at least try. cause the first in hating something, means you once loved them. you once saw the beauty. then theyd throw you away. But how can they hate someone. when all there is, is beauty.
To this day, kids are still being called names and i dont think it will ever stop. there will always be blame. there will always be harm. but youre always going to be able, to see the beauty.

16 year old on suicide watch prayer

If you see me and hear me,
If you love me,
Like they say you do
Then take these thoughts and bury them
For me.
Heal these wrists.
Let me know you hear
The thoughts inside.
Let the glass shard
Shatter,
Before it presses down.