And I look at you and I just smile.
I grin from ear to ear.
But my heart.
My heart is crying rivers.
I trained my eyes.
So that they won't shed a tear.
This way you can't notice my pain, my sorrow and my doubts.
This way I can keep it to myself.
Keep it all close in my chest.
So that you.
You will see me,
And you will look at me and I will just smile.
I will grin from ear to ear.
Everyday.

I don't have the strength to ask you.
Everytime I think I have the power to bring it up I fall back.
I am so afraid of all the what if's. Terrified of the answers you could give.
And I just don't have the strength to ask you.  
They have broken me with this before.
Turned me down or made me feel worthless.
So really, I am afraid I will never have the strength to ask you.
"What do you think of me?"

Turn my heart into a ******* stone.
Make my eyes turn into the deep dark depths of the ocean.
Break my bones and turn me into a fallen rose with no strength to get up.
Take my smile and tie my lips together with your strongest thread.
Leave me behind, broken, shattered and defeated.
But,
Never.
Please never, touch my soul.
My oh so beautiful and unbeaten soul.
It is all I have.
All that is still pure.
No scratches nor judgement.
No pain nor sadness.
It is the one thing.
that keeps me,
Alive.

I’d like to think that you are evil, pure evil.
Cause people who are pure evil, they don’t know better.
They hurt people on a daily.
If you are pure evil, hurting me would be something you can’t help.
It would be something written in your veins.
Something doomed to happen.
And most importantly,
it wouldn’t  be by choice.