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 May 2014
Hayleigh
10w
We're dying to live and yet we're living to die.
Just thinking out loud.
 May 2014
Hayleigh
Every body's talking but i can't hear a single thing.
Minds on autopilot.
 May 2014
Hayleigh
Write me a meal plan in bright red pain
And tell me this is the answer to all my problems again
Force down a tube through my nose and into my stomach
And watch as I flummox out of control
Fill this gaping hole inside of me
With drugs and sedation
Numb out pain and realisation
Force feed me promises and a smile
Only to regress back in a while.
Fill these cracks
With temporary fixtures
Concoctions of pills and other mixtures.
Treat me with CBT and psychotherapy
Tell me one day ill be free
And maybe if you say it enough times
Ill start to believe it
As much as you say you do.
 May 2014
Camellia-Japonica
Rain patters on the window
hurricane winds whistle round about
my mind.
I hear the rain, amazed that the sun's rays
still fall to earth, warming and nurturing

Cocooned in a throw, I look at the room
I've lain in for three days in a pain of my making.
I've become a cliche, the madwoman in the attic
lamenting lost love, lost life.
Cruelty knows no bounds, yet it binds.

Rhythmically the rain batters at the panes.
I don't want praise, I like my malaise
I feel real when I feel pain
I lie slain on the floor, amidst the wreckage
of a marriage.

I've died over and over these last three days
I want to get up and comfort you
To tell you that your life will go on
Mine had to end. I'm sorry you found me
on the floor, tablets strewn everywhere.

Baby steps now my love
you knew I was broken,
there's only so many matryoshka dolls in the original
I'm still here my love, it's just better that
you don't see me, but I can watch over you.

Your heart is broken, filling with rain and tears
my heart and soul was broken when the ink was dry
on the paper declaring us over.
When I get up from the floor, I want you to listen to the rain and
know it's me, my ghost knocking at your door.
© JLB
 May 2014
amber
Each flower
I picked for you
I wished and wished
For your words to be true

But even the stems
Knew you told lies
Slowly, they shrunk
Without saying their goodbyes

Each flower i picked
Reminded me of your eyes
And the stems were are strong
As your permanent lies
 Apr 2014
Camellia-Japonica
I stubbed a toe today
It brought back unwanted memories
Intense, unguarded, pain shot through me
Like a lightening bolt
A bolt from the blue.

Unpleasant sensory and emotional experience
Transferred themselves to a stubbed toe.
I withdrew my toe
I withdrew myself
I boxed up the pain again.
© JLB
 Apr 2014
Camellia-Japonica
Unearthly longing puts a spell on me
prophetic and poetic words empty my mouth
you've done it again,
dashed and crashed my need of you in one move.
A marriage invitation. Ours?
No, yours and hers.
You'd promised that I was yours
you were mine.
But, you found deeper water to play in,
cream vellum invite
inviting me, the one that you'd ****** for fun
to be an honoured guest at your celebration.
My celebration also, alas for you.
Such beautiful flowers coo the guests
I smile, I've seen these flowers before
at my door.
They'd announce your intentions
frenetic, athletic, kinetic ***
was to ensue.
Hushed ahhhhhs as the bride to be
Stepped out
bridal colours of a ******
shame about the groom.
Numb I watch her walk to you
I know every inch of you
I know that secret quirky part of you
that perversely makes you gentler.
Will she find it?
She's at the altar, I start to feel frenetic
this is wrong I should be her
you caressed me first
you kissed me first
You were my first.
Wait, the vicar is asking for objections
You both turn, look out at us the congregation
I lock eyes with you
I look perky, your mask falters
It's all over bar the screams
You see dear I do object to being an object
who looks for a concealed pocket sized Beretta
at a wedding?
That red stain will be ****** to get out.
© JLB
 Apr 2014
Hayleigh
For as sure as the moon will rise,
Will i look into those eyes of yours every single day, and tell you i love you.
 Apr 2014
Camellia-Japonica
Sedated and initiated my feelings have been
evaluated, and been found wanting.
Frayed dreams lie unravelling in the
decayed recesses of my mind.
Laid bare they seem displaced
and out of place with reality.

Concentrate, I tell myself,
eradicate, confiscate those decayed dreams
wipe the slate clean, chalk it all up to life
and it's experiences.
Better to take the bitter pill called reality
than eat the decay of a pretend life.

Wipe the slate clean, be born anew
culminate in a straight jacket, be the bait
for fate to step in and renew you.
Liberate, agitate, evaluate, educate yourself.
Don't give in. Don't give up, life is for living
good or bad, wipe the slate clean.
© JLB
 Apr 2014
Lucy Marie
And when you fall for a girl with hips like hammers and lips like pens, never let her go. Though it may be difficult, do not let her go. She will be the girl who is there to keep you safe. She will be the one who saves you.


She is everything you've ever needed in a person and more.

You always said that all you need is someone who can make a dull day be seen in technicolor
And who will love you for who you are.
And that IS her.
But you never mentioned how you need someone whose eyes are so blue that you could drown in every shade of her iris.
Or how you need someone that will make you bathe with her even though you're not the one who needs cleaning.
You never spoke of how you need someone who is able to make all of your insecurities melt-
Even if only for a second.
You never talked about how you need that girl that will tease you for how tightly you grip her hand when it's dark
And who will make your body thrash and tremble in pleasure rather than terror at night.
You never said a thing about how you NEED that girl whose laugh is too precious to ever forget the shape of her smile.
You never mentioned it because you had no idea.
 Apr 2014
Brycical
I see this scene as our hands
intertwine:

Her hips roll--
backwards, just as her brown eyes.

Bodies burn...
sweat drips out through salty pores.

Growling smiles;
primal minds lead to bite marks.

Fingernails
croche scratch marks on shoulders.

Together,
we breathe like the trees asked us to.

I see this scene as our hands
intertwine.
 Apr 2014
Hayleigh
Mesmerised, I look into your eyes,
a cold wind, as we begin
Our journey, t'ward Eternity.
My hand waiting for yours,
the stars, they soar.
We are floating above Mountains,
drinking from Fountains,
sipping from the elixir of life.

My eyes open,
the token of your love, in my left hand, a Ring.
The future it promised to bring.

Once more I am alone,
i no longer own, this moment.

The leaves they dance, as our romance,
leaves behind Morsels.
A shell remains,
engulfed in flames,
a furnace of Self Blame,
i take the plunge.
And i walk, i eat
our Memories, Plans
your Final Goodbye
your Wants, Demands.
The marching band drums
beat in time with my Tortured soul,
we were Supposed to grow old.
I pick up the fork and force down Guilt,
upon the foundations we built,
cemented together by loves haze.

Worlds at a time, I combine,
Mine and Yours,
Unopened doors.

The house we never furnished,
the walk we never took,
the book that was never written,
Our story unfinished,
Your life Diminished.

I sit, take a sip of my tea,
it doesn't taste the same.
The razors don't take away the pain,
of hearing Your Name.
 Apr 2014
Camellia-Japonica
There is a department in my heart
that deals with sadness.
This department is non-inclusive
a strict code is adhered to.

This department in my heart
has collected and collated all
The pain, malice, despondency
this broken heart and soul has experienced.

Sadness has my soul in handcuffs
hapless, anxious I retreat into
myself, seclusion, on lockdown
starkest bottled pain is shook.

Harnessed, hardened and shelved
with madness the sadness is in retreat
It'll return though, it has to
It's been called depression

I'm a weather front!

With gladness I'd take the pain
the badness from my heart
and send it away
but there's more room in a broken heart.
© JLB
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