With one look,
he sets my soul ablaze.
With one look,
he can end my passing days.
With one look,
he taught my heart to stay.
With one look,
he took my heart away.

I remember your smile,
how it caught mine so eagerly.
Having your fingers latch my heart,
just to make me look silly.

But we were so young back then,
I've yet to learn healing now.
But the imprint of your love burnt me,
and I still have yet to know how.

But I still can't seem to hate you,
nor forget who you really are.
Because you've made me feel like burning matches,
and I still have yet to light the dark.

since I lost you i’ve been searching

everywhere to find what we had

I search in

people
    books
        friendships
            music

but I can’t find it

what we had wasn’t something you can find in an object or a warm body

what we had was a rainfall during a drought

water for the thirsty

food to the hungry

what we had was something I needed and longed for

and i’ll never have that again

Once
I used to stay
on the second floor
of a worn out building
which had only half a window
and a small view of the
nearby quiet street
which had one tea stall
where worked Raju,
the boy in striped pajamas.
There wasn't a day
when he wouldn't smile
or sing his favorite
Kishore Kumar songs.
There wasn't a day
when he wouldn't get
beaten up by the owner of the shop
for breaking a glass or two
when he would bring back
the empty ones spellbound
by the tunes of Lalita aunty,
the 70 year old classical singer
living on the ground floor.
There wasn't a day
when he slept on a nice warm bed
instead of the footpath
adjoining the shop.
I would always wonder
about the secret of his happiness
and everytime I would ask him
he would laugh and tell me,
some other time.
Time passed and
I moved to another city
trying to find my peace
between changing jobs
and finding love
and all this time
I would wonder
what made Raju so happy
so one day I went back there,
handing Raju a 10 Rs. Note
and told him,
today I'm not here for the tea,
I am here for the secret.
Before Raju could say
some other time
I told him
not this time.
Raju smiled, sat beside me, and
said - "I am content with what I have. My mother loves me. I am helping my sister study to become a doctor. There's not been a day that I didn't have food to eat. I have all I need - family and love. I am sure you'll find your peace one day."
After that day,
I stopped searching for peace
in all the places it wasn't there
because it was always inside me.
I was my peace.

I kept chasing
you, as if
you were
a distant dream.
But dreams
are not always
dreams.
Sometimes, we have
nightmares too.

I want you to text me I love you when we haven't talked all day
I want an I love you in the halls at random times
I crave the syllables that bounce out of your mouth when you call me 'your girl'
But I don't want
Ily, why bother is what you're saying I can't type the extra 7 characters
Well if you can't type those extra 7 characters maybe I can't text you anymore after all too many letters
I don't want
Love ya, what are we 5? Tell me you love me or say nothing it's not that hard
If you ever dare text me I (heart emoji) u, I will delete your number, i deserve more than an emoji and two 2 letters

I deserve paragraphs of you proclaiming your love for me or even a sentence asking to talk for a little bit

I don't deserve three letter texts but after all maybe you dont deserve these two letters

Me

It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived