Confessional Poetry - Hello Poetry

Aug 2019

Lucid

everyone has that place their mind wanders to whenever boredom strikes, or whenever they become "zoned out"
mine?
my mind always imagines a ballerina in black, doing pirouette turns over and over again
it's especially vivid whenever i'm listening to music
over and over, round and round
i only realized this today, & it made me wonder why my mind always drifted there
i thought about it until i realized
how fitting
my conscious mind is always turning in circles
so of course my subconscious mind would, too

his hands on my body
the reeking smell of alcohol and coercion
my mother's lies
my brother's handshake with the grim reaper
the realization
the humiliation
the first time i told her i hated her
the sting of her palm against my face
my father's alcohol problem
i can't escape alcohol
my alcohol problem
the feel of the blade against my skin
the sterile smell of the crisis unit
everyone's willingness to condemn & forget

i don't forget

my body
his breath
her lies
death
humilation
the sting
the alcohol
the blood
the sterility
the pain
the pain
the pain

over and over, round and round
turning constant circles in my head
i fall down

With You - stwo

#sad #depressed #journal #whatever #stupid #heartbreak #alcoholic #**** #my #life

Aug 2019

Lucid

musings #3

no one likes to think they're selfish. i've denied my selfishness for years, because being selfish would mean that all those people were on to something when they said "you remind me so much of your mom." my dad is going to die soon. my teenaged brother won't live to see 30. yet, all i can think about is how the hell I'M supposed to wake up tomorrow, knowing this.

i've come to greet bad news like an old friend. instead of crying about it, i immediately head towards the liquor cabinet.

i went to my friends baby shower the other day. she looked happy, so i tried my best to be happy for her. everyone made comments about how they couldn't wait to have their own kid and blah blah blah. but as i sat in her living room, surrounded by the hopeful, happy faces of the girls i grew up with, i realized that i will never ever be like them. i realized that i wish i could be.

the most selfish thing a parent can do to their child is bring them into a world like this.

i think being wise means being able to see things for what they are and see people for who they are, and i can't help but figure that's why the smartest people are the most depressed.

my favorite teacher from high school just died. of all the students she ever taught, she once claimed she liked me the most. i didn't go to her funeral. in fact, when i found out, i felt absolutely nothing at all.

i recently earned my degree. after 5 years full of (literally) blood, sweat, and tears, I finally earned my degree. but as i sat in my chair, waiting for my name to be called so i could cross the stage and shake hands with the dean, i felt so ******* disappointed in myself. even my therapist can't explain that one.

2/3 of the people i love most in this world most likely won't be here in 10 years. i want to go to sleep.

sometimes i feel so ******* trapped that it becomes hard to breathe. then i remind myself, "you're doing everything they said you're supposed to be doing", but all it does is make me hyperventilate harder.

i can't tell my mom i love her without wanting to die.

it's cliche, i know, but i've come to truly realize that all you have in this tragic world is yourself. the only person you have to live with is you. so if you hate yourself...well i guess your **** out of ******* luck. ha

everything is tragic, it all just falls apart

#tired #sad #heartbroken #i #hate #everything #life #is #heartbreak

Aug 2019

Chris Saitta

In the Place of Dark Thrones

When I was too young to stand against the world,
I ambled its sempiternal floors and overheard clear minds
Blustery through the stark decor of man’s marbled winter.
I was too young to huddle in banners for warmth,
to follow festive the dizzy denizens to their
lightheaded classicisms, their sandal-freedoms upon desolation.
I was left word by regency, word alone.
I was a child at the base of dark thrones.
And too often sneaking looks to steal a seat,
Sneaking seats though no one was to come.

I am a child in a place of dark thrones,
Too restless to settle when no one will come.
Lying just to lie across the worldly floors,
As my clear mind blows the torches to sputter,
And the hallways, one by one,
Are wordless and long-heard.

#poetry #childhood #throne #words #sad #writing

Aug 2019

Graff1980

Untitled 260

You come to me
from miles away,
with tears and congestion
interrupting our
our cellphone connection.

You open the line
with your confession,
expecting me to consecrate
the mistakes you commemorate
as we spend hours commiserating
the vile man you should hate.

You cry that you are afraid
you will never be loved that way,
like the man who drugged and abused you,
the one who put you through hell.

You tell me that, that predator
loves more than anyone
whilst admitting all of
the horrible **** he has done.

You break my heart
into shattered splinters
of self-doubt and recrimination
wondering why you struggle to maintain
a relationship with a man
who causes you so much pain
while I just want to take care of you.

Aug 2019

Jack Jenkins

Raided

Distant
Slow shadows
Growing grey
On the inside
Washed out
Flavorless
Fallen
Feelings I hold
Write it out
On the walls
Missing piece
Anxiety
Nobody gets this
But me

//On sudden depression//

#depression #jack #jenkins #poem #poetry

Aug 2019

Lost Soul

Depression Won

im so sick of crying
im not my usual self
and im sick of trying
im not okay
i havent been for a long time
but no one seems to notice
anyways
im sorry im a broken thing
im sorry i disappointed you
depression is my soul mate
here ill show u the ring
i hate my life
there i said it
i guess im ungrateful
but i live in constent stife
i know im ruining myself
but with the irreversible mess im in
i really dont care
im as functional as a crooked shelf
my body is rejecting me
well get in line
cause it seems everyone else is
this isnt how i wanted it to be
its not fair
i had everything....
then suddenly nothing
i didnt realize i was that hard to bare
depression is my lover
hes my only constent
he helps me put on the mask
i use as a cover
i am not in a good place
im can no longer apologize
you hurt me and now u
cant even look at my face
i'm sorry i hurt you all
i didnt mean to
i assure u ,it hurt me more
its months later and i still bawl
i lost everyone
i lost myself
i lost the battle
congrats you and depression won

#depression #sad #lonely #mentalhealth #anxiety

Jul 2019

Irving MacPherson

Think I'll Write A Poem

It's been so long now since
I've touched a pen to paper
But life goes on and still this crazy world keeps spinning 'round

I wanted to say something profound
But the words wouldn't slip off the pen
I tried to follow life around but was told I had to stand in front

The next time I think about writing a poem
I'll know that if I really had anything to say
People wouldn't listen anyway

Jul 2019

Mike Hauser

Today's Cliches

I sometimes think about the 'if only'
And dream about the 'what might have been'
What does all this have to show me
Am I not happy with the place I'm in

All those years of reckless living
Would I have lived any differently
They say that hindsight is 20/20
Why can't I see what's front of me

I'm trying hard for the 'here and now'
To live what's 'past is past'
To count each and every blessing
Being thankful for everything I have

Why is man never satisfied
Always wanting so much more
Not taking up their lot in life
Looking for a bigger score

Today is going to be 'one of these days'
Of the 'When my ship comes in'
I can stand right where I'm at and say
'I am where I should of been'

Jul 2019

kevin hamilton

lake of mirrors

love, you sensed the rain
before it fell
like another easy beast
into the arms of sleep
and i half-believed
that bleeding was a virtue
at the lake of mirrors

i tried, i tried
to forget the murky colours
of your waning moon
dancing freely on the water
as if i had a reason
to sleep and lie
in light of all these folded blades
still pacing in the drain

#water #north #death #suicide #selfharm #secret #depression #recovery #love #fear

Jul 2019

Graff1980

Untitled 257

Come again, my troubled kin,
with tender skin
flushed and bruising
from the world's abusing
and familiar’s misusing
that is so dammed confusing.

Come again, please repeat
the pulsing fury
of rapid heartbeats.
I need to hear something living
to sustain the meager hope
that I have been given.

Come again, please wait
no need to rush
there is no fate
in store for us,
so, let's dally
in children's folly
following the playful fancies
that humans need
to maintain their sanity.

And so, I cry
please come again
to heal this heart broken
by my dearly departed friend.

Jul 2019

Graff1980

The Digital Reality

It is long distances fantasies,
digital realities,
many indignities
that intersect
on the internet.

It exists in a multitude
of mega bandwidth
big bangs
that expand with
binary efficiency,
with mind bending connectivity,
as gameplay
is overlaid
upon profile pictures
that present
semi fictional
biographies,

while podcast prophesies
tender their unique
philosophies to me,
dropped off and collected
by the non-secured
user id I selected.