Why can't I have it?
Why?

Why can't I have that joy,
When I can see her have it?
Why can't I hold my smile firm
The way she is able to dodge the grit?
Why can't I have that resting queen face
When all I can see is that she befits?

The way she holds him close
Like a cute little kitten
A purr in her voice as they rub noses
As he gazes at her looking smitten

The peace in her eyes (called love)
The grace in her smile (called acceptance)
The contour upon her cheekbone (what is she made of?)
His hypnotized gaze on her being, her very existence

Why can't I have it too?
Why?

Find it in you
To carry on
Losing a loved one is hard
But, you must have the will to be heartstrong
Cherish all the memories
And wear your heart on your sleeve
Think of the grand memories
As you continue to grieve

Words slither from their mouth 
The sound ripples
in her ears like the drops
of water from a lonesome cave
She decided to build a wall
and hear no more echoes

In silence,
the heart pitter- patter's
the lungs pounding... in and out
wanting to tell that she's alive,
telling her in a mute
'don't let your gutsy soul fly'

In silence, 
there's too much noise

so she just decided to break the walls down as she rose from solitude.

Wondering how to imagine flowers
in a city covered with concrete towers.
There are so many signs that lack truth,
when heart is still and will never heal.

I walk the confines of my walls at night,
only sensing the world out of sight.
What am I searching for, I do wonder,
as confusing images blink on and off.

What does it matter if I never find
the answers to questions so unkind?
With poignant malice so pronounced
do the crawling lice stand so proud.

I sense that I shall always remain
filled with dread that fosters pain.
Internally the wheels will grind
as I try and cease their rolling.

I understand the midnight moon,
for it signifies my private womb.
There are so many signs that lack truth,
when heart is still and will never heal.

I can see your heart
Beating in my dream
Pumping harder and faster
About to burst at the seam
Eyes practically made of laughter
And your psychotic smile
With a voice I can feel,
Deep in my soul
Carrying for miles and miles
You made everything real,
Become nothing I've known
You're a ghost of a previous life
Slicing into my sleep
With a double edged knife
Silently waiting to strike
Yet, you always seem to disappear
Just before the final blow
With nothing to see or hear
And no where left to go
I drift off into my mind
A mass of blank space
With no way to rewind
Travel to another place
Or any other time
The distance between falling
and finally waking
Is immeasurably long
Because
This dream has become a nightmare
And not only are you gone
But you were never really there

I will pay you a penny
to hear my thoughts
listen to all my fears
the pain people have brought
but one wise soul told me
a tidbit I have yet to forgot
he said if you don't care about yourself
than why do you expect others give you a second thought?