The strings that broke - Hello Poetry

Aug 2021

WickedHope

A Punch To The Face Is Easier To See Coming Than A Stab In The Back

I
Wish
Abuse
Was
As
         Easy
                  To
                  Identify
                In
         The
Act
As
It
Is
After

#abuse #pain #victim #betrayal #blind

Aug 2021

AJ

BPD’s Lost

i’m still heartbroken,
lost without the person i turned to when my world was upside down.
but you proved that you stopped caring,
just like everyone else before you.
i know i am difficult,
a mess that’s so broken you kept getting cut on the pieces.
you promised me you would be there through thick and thin,
but now here i am becoming a narcissist writing about the pain you’ve caused.

#borderline #personality #disorder

Aug 2021

WickedHope

"Sorry, I Didn't Mean It," he snickered

I can still feel the wrongness of your fingers caressing me
I can still feel my heart beating so hard it's trying to jump out of my throat
I remember trying to move your hands off of me
I remember your hands kept coming back
It broke me when you held me still
It broke me when you got to decide
I'm still numb from wanting to love a monster

Maybe if I fight he'll go away
Maybe if I fight he'll give up
Maybe he can't see I don't want this
Maybe he can't tell
Maybe I did something wrong
Maybe if I stop moving he'll stop
Hands
There are hands everywhere
My hair my throat my chest my thighs
Maybe he can't tell I'm crying since it's dark
There are hands and they won't let go of me
There are hands that rip out my heart
And they leave it
Right there on the floor
He steps on it before he leaves

I wasted so much

#love #lust #pain #assault #broken #wrong

Aug 2021

WickedHope

Yesterday (10w)

you
made
me
beg
for
you
...
and
you
walked
away

I hate it when I don't get to be the cat.

#love #break #used #game #10w #yesterday

Aug 2021

WickedHope

Your Pickup Smelled Like Cigarettes and Me

I told you everything I wanted to hear
Forgetting that
You had never loved before
I was your first
First everything
And I crippled both of us
Like a bad car crash
And I stumbled out of the driver's side
And I left you there
I left you bleeding
Clutching your heart to your chest
I told you maybe and meant never
I shouldn't have given you a ride
I meant to crash from the start

I'm so sorry.

#love #unrequited #loss #pain

Aug 2021

WickedHope

letmebuyyouashot

You wouldnt like me when I'm drunk
Or perhaps you'd like me too much

Push pins sting
As they slide into my skin
But after long enough
They go numb
Can hardly notice the blood anymore
Second
Third
Fourth skins are shed
Leaving a raw innocence in it's place
Uninhibited by restraints
Such as logic
Or forethought
Blinders on too tight
Choking out anything that would be
Scandalous in daylight
A deafening scream
That's part siren song
Vice grip fingers
Holding on for too long
The Devil's wife has come to dance
Please walk away
Or I promise we'll both hate me sober

You always wanted me to get drunk...
But then got angry when I went home with your friends

#devil #drunk #sober #*** #dysfunction

Aug 2021

WickedHope

Please, Break My Heart.

I feel like my heart is breaking more than it ever has
And I'm afraid somehow I'll forget you
And I won't be able to fix it
And I don't know how to fix this
I was so foolish
But I don't want a do over
Because then it will really be over
Or it won't have ever started
Is it really better to have loved and lost
How many breaks can a heart take
Shattering shouldn't be a repeatable phenomenon
But with you it is
Everything with you destroys me
I am utterly demolished
And it is so lovely to be wrecked by you
I just hope you never stop bringing me pain
Because the day I stop hurting
Will be the day I know I've died

Idk man. This is just getting more insane and I don't know how to handle it/I'm terrified of mishandling it.

#love #pain #loss

Aug 2021

WickedHope

Just Me.

This is the other me
        The fake me
                The real me
                        The screaming
                The crying
        The Chain Smoking Cigarettes so I can Hurry Up Dying

Bitterly Hopeless
Sweetly Toxic
Maybe if I stare enough
You'll finally   u n l o c k   it
The secret I've buried
The one that I wish I had never seen
The secret I've carried
I spill my veins on the floor,   u n c l e a n
Hoping my insides Drown Me
Praying you forgot the key
Because you know what I know
The lie that I told
It's Rotted And Empty
Hollow like my head could be
So hurry, run, go
Before you understand

The Worst Part
           None of it was real
I'm just
           Me  .

Reality is a *****.

God, WickedHope was such a cu nt.

#death #end #lie #me #hope #depression #suicide #reality

Jul 2021

WickedHope

F*cked (TW)

*******
*******
*******
Or **** me

******* **** me like my depression does
I'm already your ***** so what does it matter
Pass me off to your friends
What fun is it anyway unless you can share

Everything feels like a **** ****
You're lines are too rehearsed
My face is painted on so heavily
So heavy
My face literally falls to the floor
Though that's a win isn't it
You only keep me for my assets
Great ***
Bottoms up

**** me

**** my personality, it's ******* up anyway
**** with my head
Hands in my hair
Rip out fistfuls
Gag me
That way I can't ruin it with words
Or whatever

*******
*******
*******
**** me

I can't see straight
I can't think straight
I can't breathe
I'm so far into the mattress
I wonder if it's kink is choking
I can't breathe
I think I'm crying
I don't how long we've been here
I can't breathe
I- everything is numb
I stopped noticing my pulse
I can't breathe
I could be dying
I'm probably dying
I can't breathe

At least one of us had a good time

******* for ******* me

This is a metaphor.

Jul 2021

WickedHope

Whoever Said...

All is fair in love and war
Was full of it

Because how can something that burns so quickly and leaves charred corpses in it's wake be fair
How can something that uproots the lives of many while leaving the lives of those adjacent fine
It is wholly unfair fall victim merely for being in the wrong place or time

Battlefields consume souls
No matter their varied geography
The path is always the same
Destruction can not be avoided nor cheated
Like Sister Death, both lie in wait
Lurking and prowling to devour the unfortunate ones
Praying for fairness that doesn't exist

#death #love #war #pain #battle #fire #wild

Jul 2021

WickedHope

Blinking and Risk-Taking are the Same Thing

Why are all the good things scary
You'd think that flying would be breathtaking and exhilarating
But
All I can think about
Is how close I am to falling
It's suffocating

I really, really feel like I'm watching my own life instead of living it. I'm not supposed to have days like that anymore.

**** the government.

#fear #hope #death #suicide #breathing #love #beauty #pain #fall #suffocate