Sometimes I wonder
If I'm cut out to be happy.
And sometimes I wonder
If I even want to be.
I realize how crazy that sounds
But my pain
Is my creativity.
And I'm not sure
I'm ready to give that up.

I was unhappy
and I know you felt it.
Because one day
with no warning,
you said goodbye.

Without looking back,
you just left me
on the side of the road.
With a shattered heart
and broken dreams.

Your last words to me
still ring in my ears,
before I go to sleep at night
and the moment I wake up.

"I can't stay.
Because if I do,
you'll walk away.
If there's one thing
I've learned in life,
it's to leave
before you get left."

As I walk the empty streets
It's just the moon and me
I can hear it talking
Talking to me about joy and pain
And as the light washes over my face
I can feel my secrets unraveling
I feel every inch of my soul
And I have no regrets
Because I have never felt more naked
As in the middle of the night
Alone with my thoughts
Just the moon and me

As I am lying here in my bed
I can't help but feel like a fraud
Because in order to deal with my scars
I create characters
Who speak the words
I will never be able to say myself

I'm standing here in the shower,
scalding hot water running down my skin.
A desperate attempt to gain back power
over the harrowing pain within.
But I feel myself fading away,
with every tear dripping off my chin.
And I am longing for the day,
when this will all just be a distant memory.

Have you ever considered
how crazy it is
that you can go
from being strangers
to friends
to lovers?

From knowing nothing about a person
to knowing all their little quirks.

And then suddenly
without any warning
you go back
to being strangers.

All the connections erased.
Like your two souls weren't one at some point.

It's funny, isn't it?
How your whole life can change
within a matter of seconds.

It's funny, isn't it?
How you can be living your life
and through a string of choices,
you end up in a place
you never thought you'd be.

It's funny, isn't it?
How one day, your heart
can be light as a feather
and the next, it's like the entire world
is weighing you down.

You think you can treat us however you want
Because to you women are just toys
Something to throw away after using it
But you know what?
People aren't dolls.
You can't just put us back into a box
And expect us to stay there
When you are done playing
Sooner or later one of us will stand up to you
Someone who is braver than I will ever be
And all those women
All those poor women
Will finally be free
And wow, I hope it happens soon
Because I have never felt this powerless
And I don't know how to go on

I don't know
what it feels like
to be crippled by fear.
To always look for flaws
within me
and my choices.

All I know is
when I look into your green eyes
I don't see peace
I see a storm ripping leaves off branches
Making you hold on
to what gave you life in the past.

And that's when I understand.
Because nothing is scarier
than letting go and trusting
that the wind will carry you
until you're home
with me.

I act all tough
But underneath the surface
I am fragile.

Because I hide my pain
You break me over and over again.

I constantly seek your approval
But no matter how hard I try
I never get it.

Because I don’t understand
I see myself as the problem.

I look for answers in my flaws
When in reality
The problem is you.

I remember your smile,
as wide as a child's.
Your rose colored lips,
dimples on your cheeks.

I remember your eyes
shining after too many glasses of wine.
With no place to be
but by each other's side.

I remember my heart
skipping a beat when you touched my face.
And your quickened breath
right before our lips met.

I remember thinking
that this was it.
A love like in the movies,
made for you and me.

I remember the day
when my world came crashing down,
because you built walls
out of lies.

And I remember every detail
when I wish I didn't.
Because all I want
is to forget.

My whole life I've been taught to be good.
My whole life I've been told to be nice.
My whole life I've been made silent.

"Don't make people uncomfortable" they said.
"That's a girl's only job."

But I'm on the cold hardwood floor,
tears streaming down my face.
No way to contain these feelings anymore.
This time I won't go with grace.