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455 · Apr 2016
seasons change and so do I
Chloë Fuller Apr 2016
Summer:
He kissed me
Flashes of my past favorite things charmed those blue eyes
God
I still remember everything about us
Fresh fish on the grill
The first time you held my hand
We curled around each other's bodies like tentacles
We wanted every inch
Sweat
Harmonium on inside humor
You found me and I followed
The ring bells
Terms of endearment changed so drastically
He held her so gently that I melted like butter
Like what you would cook and we sweated until we kissed
An entire day downstairs and an entire night upstairs
No wonder I got so dizzy.
Finding ourselves becoming one.
Sharing clothes and teeth marks and hearts.
We were happy.
Once.

Fall:
The leaves changed.
So did we.
I over stayed my welcome.
Being swept out like the garbage below you.
Swish.
Swish.
Swish.
The inches between us in your bed
Complete with "Nightmare Before Christmas" print
Grew larger and larger
The unfamiliar faces began becoming your new candy
Apparently I wasn't dark, or sweet enough for anymore.

Winter:
On my knees
I never knew how terrible tears tasted
Begging you please
Slap Slap
I fell down a flight of stairs
You came with me, but only to use it for malice
Why?
How?
I never should've cared.
True love doesn't exist here.
Only long walks through the jungle
Giraffes walking around.
Long limbs. Long eyelashes. Long tongues.
That's the only freedom that exists.

Spring:
Where did these feet come from?
Suddenly I can walk by myself again.
Shaky.
My hands and back tremble from the weight of the world.
Atlas has not helped.
Surrounded by the ghosts of my past, and present.

Keep this for the motto girls:
"No one can have me like I got me."
Chloë Fuller Oct 2015
i wait
nothing
i wait some more
nothing
absolutely nothing

why is my heart so full over vacancy?

i see your eyes, your lips, your teeth, and dimples.
you used to recognize the same in me.

where did you go?
when did you stop caring?
at what time did you start to see me in transparency?

blaming me for your strife, yet you're the one to throw toxic eyes

i'm starting to think this is all becoming a lesson i'm going to later look back on and go "Huh. I really grew from that misery."

i never wanted to equate you to agony but you've given me very little to grab on to without feeling like a guilty, "helpless" girl who "needs to be taken care of."
440 · Dec 2014
saturday night
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
beats droning so loud i can't hear my own laughter
i shake my head to myself
"how can it be this good?"
i just want to play all night
our skeletons will dance together
439 · Feb 2016
Old nature
Chloë Fuller Feb 2016
all at once

He degraded me, badgered me, and would never me kiss him good-night

Blood.
Water.
Oil.

One of us has to rise to the top.
Unless your only fantasy is in the forest.

That forest is now a development for condos.
435 · Feb 2015
Jesus was my boyfriend
Chloë Fuller Feb 2015
I tell myself that you're not my Jesus Christ as I binge drink
In reality
You were my Messiah and I crucified you
No wonder you can't forgive my sins the way you were supposed to
I get it
Chloë Fuller Nov 2014
lion lies
scorpion sighs
alone
your lies
plans kicked
words unsolvable
SO ******* SELFISH
your lies
just smile and nod
flatten myself
oh it's okay
being hurt is okay
a ***** heart is okay
your lies
thrift store shoes
heels
stomped into my sternum
your lies
hidden and masked
by tender kisses
that we both know
are absolute *******.

You built me up just to break me down.

What has it been?

one

five

two

a half

five

seven

none

none

three

none
426 · Dec 2014
peter
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
I.
communicating through the nebula
an invitation to drink ***** and knit
meditation surrounded you
my jaw dropped when your satchel did
II.
sweat drips from a broken refrigerator
my mouth forms the shape of your name and flows out
rings through our noses
sternums touching
your lover didn't like that I bit your lip
III.
after hours slithering sessions
a body built by god covered with satin and oils from the cosmos
in those futile moments you were a mistake worth making
IV.
protecting my heart like bird and her young
reaching out to me with clasping hands
rocking you to sleep
"don't be afraid to cry in front of me" I said as shimmering oceans expelled from your wooden pupils
V.
These were the good times we have to remember
reconciliation is key to happiness
426 · Dec 2014
12/3/14 7:36 am
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
the reason why i'm up
couldn't tell you
maybe it was the endless hours of you clomping around my brain
during the hours i need rest from your tyrannical hold on my heart
god
i can't help wondering where you are
and who is keeping you warm this season
do your fingers catch on fire when you touch them?
the way they would with me, or at least that was what you told me
another lie to add to that list of nothings i thought were somethings
do you dream about me?
i do hope that at least they give you space
because i sure couldn't
i'm a criminal for loving you
you handcuffed me to the wall because you want me to look but not touch
feel but not expel
i'm letting you win
the pieces are getting too heavy and my arms are getting tired
426 · Feb 2016
alaska retired
Chloë Fuller Feb 2016
i only know you from photographs now
i torture myself by still following your life
after tonight
i will not
there are so many new songs
so many new jokes
so many new places i've danced around
without you.
i am starting to love me more.
and i was told that you're jealous.
be jealous.
you pushed me away.
and i'm pushing up.
and that includes my *******.
you have no right to be mad.
so I hope you're happy.
**** my beautiful, magical *****.
you poor thing.
vengeance for an ex that killed me.
422 · Oct 2014
pillow talk
Chloë Fuller Oct 2014
memories spinning
like vinyl records
once glossy and smooth
now scratched and skips
disingenuous words
moments of silence revisited
i always wondered why you looked away when we
made love
419 · Jul 2017
Shore
Chloë Fuller Jul 2017
there will be an answer
we've walked too long
sweating
lost lashes and sore limbs

whisper to me
what's the code?
who do I need to know?

wake up
treble highs
teal pool water

barely recognizing home
scents and sense off kilter

just play me a lullaby
i'll find some solace in that.
418 · Jan 2015
hogtied//deepfried
Chloë Fuller Jan 2015
a bead of sweat slowly runs down my anatomy
from my red hair it begins slowly inching its way to my cheek
it feels like a tear
it is wet and now sits beneath my eyelash
yet it doesn't sting my blue iris

i've lost all control of my legs
the ones i use to twirl around Philly with
with you
they twitch and shake as the words dripping off your tongue roll into my open ears, as if i'd never heard such provocative language spat inside my cranium

have you made me more innocent?
discovering shapes, curves, rivets, and freckles in myself
transfiguring all my flaws into beauty

sitting in delicious silence
that's filled with sugar eyes and resting limbs on one another
candy falling from our jovial lips that are rarely not kissing

we could just sit here for hours
watching the smoke leave our lungs and enter each other
seeing each other without looking
hands clasped
sun sets
a smile
a kiss
black out
417 · Oct 2014
daddy
Chloë Fuller Oct 2014
you are my oak tree, the rock at the base of the oak tree and the river the flows beneath it
your generous shade keeps me cool when the sun berates me
you are thirsty but you ask for no water
instead you offer me hydration
you grow tall, but i see you beginning to wilt due to my negligence
let me help you stay alive, you have to tell me
this poem is for my father
414 · Dec 2014
12/16/14 2:19 pm
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
hello
i love you
i sink into the bath tub with a non-existent hymn coursing through my brain as I try to be focused and humble
whistles of a familiar song bring me solace
as does whiskey that tastes like peace and the spring

bring me all your green crystals
i want to make you feel better
413 · Jan 2015
empty
Chloë Fuller Jan 2015
i feel like an egg that was born without a yolk
smooth white skin that is beginning to crack
there's nothing to spill out

i feel like an abandoned home in the middle of winter
condensation clouds floating through empty rooms that echo the sound of creaking wood and ghosts that used to be so comfortable
412 · Jul 2015
a Friday night
Chloë Fuller Jul 2015
I keep my thoughts enclosed in my mahogany box brain and heart

I don't want to be alone but I can't be myself
My drink and a song are the only ones I can depend on

Late nights
Solo
You're sleeping
Probably snoring

I'm doing my best
Two weeks flown by
Cemeteries centered
Mind muffled and modified

Have I returned or missed my stop?
411 · Nov 2014
sweater baby
Chloë Fuller Nov 2014
as i sew
with bobby pins
no yarn
can be as soft as
your skin
402 · Mar 2016
Phoenix dead
Chloë Fuller Mar 2016
"I'm not much of a drinker"
My teeth break as I lie through them.

****.
I've known you since I set myself on fire and awakened from the ashes.

Yet I am putting you through the same routine that set me ablaze.

You ignited my soul with perfect hands and eyes and mouth
Overwhelming my senses with light public affection
And deep private care.

Why do I refuse to let myself be loved?

I'm elastic and loose like a worn bracelet.
Yet you make me turn to porcelain because I've never seen anyone with a smile like your's.

I get aroused and frightened by people that look like they were molded by the Gods.

****.
Your smile might just give me an overdose.

"I feel like I'm on drugs when I'm with you."

Crack from your energy.
****** from your ****.
Ecstacy from your lips.
Xanax from your voice.
**** from the lilt of your conversation.
And a cigarette for your nerve.

I'm completely high when I'm around you.
Your hands around my face
Pulling me closer to your lips
Completely transfixed by your energy that exudes pure fame and love.

Where did I find someone as perfect as you?
Yet I reject you because we both know all the damage we'll do
to the psyches that are our mind's houses

You're going to put a hole through it.
But I don't mind.
I never told you how much I enjoy pain.
And I really ******* enjoy you.

"Let's get together and feel alright."
For now.
Why anticipate the future?
401 · Feb 2015
present
Chloë Fuller Feb 2015
i like the way your skin is filled with ink
precious affection and quiet sensuality
do you know the weight of your beauty?
staying silent because i don't want you to think i'm weird
you're disarming
it's been a long, long time since i haven't had anything to say
living in the garden of eden, you float every morning
Sunshine
the skyline looks so good outside your window
pin-up girls on your arms
when i'm on your skin
so am i
399 · Dec 2014
12/7/14 7:36 am
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
i didn't sleep last night
my eyes are beginning to cross and then re-focus
you are running my mind like a treadmill
a marathon
tongues sticking out
ears buzz
it's very early
we might be the only people alive right now
398 · Jun 2015
where does the good go?
Chloë Fuller Jun 2015
how do I wish you happiness and good luck?
I kissed a boy with his nose pierced and a native american tattoo on his arm.
why haven't I been worth fighting for and revisiting?
you just vanished and it hurt more than getting stabbed.
398 · Nov 2017
R
Chloë Fuller Nov 2017
R
Red beads wrapped around my lady legs

Red potato skins still crawling through Southern gravel

Red lipstick, too expensive for how too petty my two lips live

Read you to absolute filth when my mom asked who had wronged me recently and rang up your name like an unremembered child

Rooms full of furniture will still echo if you rage loud enough
R
390 · Dec 2014
immat.
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
I'm not one who pours myself out and then disappears when I get bored after a few months and moves on so quickly to the next.

You were.

That was our major difference.
that's the reality of it.
389 · Dec 2014
newsflash
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
not everything I write is about you.
this one is though.
380 · Dec 2015
type O
Chloë Fuller Dec 2015
the faint metallic taste in the back of my throat woke me up
i'm frightened of my own blood
my face matches her's
my eyes match his
mom
dad
i'm so afraid
376 · Dec 2014
push
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
I.
one almond shaped eye
jutting ribs
the motor keeps running fast
bus skimming skin
so so close
aqua fronts and white lettering
dead flowers everywhere
our eyes are just melting out of our skulls
the raindrops are so consistent
remember dew drops and the warmth of summer?
i do

II.
time was lost in beige
wheels spinning and bumping and squealing
what does your handwriting look like?
one sentence keeps wanting to tattoo itself in my cerebellum
disease and chaos are so close
like skin on bones and lips on teeth
an injury that won't seem to heal quickly
minds that converge like magnetics
i ultimately found solace in your warm skin

III.
why can't I remember any of it?
cold air hits my face like a slap from above
crowns crash so loudly when they hit marble floor
your lungs are black and full of worms
you never metamorphosed
it's better that way

IV.
my lips inflate as my heart sinks
black gets blacker and white gets whiter
tan stays tan, it is the Earth and we are the Earth
scratchy voices and a hundred expletives
your hands on my *******
god I can't even look you in the eye you're so stunning
ink on ink
brewing cauldrons and sipping spells
nothing has been the same since our lips touched
373 · Oct 2014
Desire #3
Chloë Fuller Oct 2014
I want to see your face and body’s reflection amongst a hall of broken mirrors and still marvel in your steadfast opulence
373 · Nov 2020
60 minutes
Chloë Fuller Nov 2020
I lost my soul.
Somewhere between Atlantic City and Wildwood, NJ.
The salt still lingers in my hair, eyelashes, and tears.
The moons changing cycle as we eat candy on the beach and chase our childhood memories away
Creating tiny drawers to stash away keepsakes and overdue dreams
You pet me like a long lost lover with a fragile hand
Brushing out my knots and curls before we continue to share our sparkle
I miss summer vacation in New Jersey
373 · Nov 2014
hurricane
Chloë Fuller Nov 2014
i want to get high with you

no no

no

i want you to be my high

i want to take you in, hold you in my lungs until i turn blue

and then finally i breathe you out

every piece of you sparkling as your arms pull me down

forcing my eyes closed because i’ve never felt this good before

my limbs melt and your skin brushes against every inch of skin causing it to erupt

i hear every layer of your voice, humming some unrecognizable tune that i know i had heard once before

and that nostalgia lifts me up

i try to reach up to you, but you are just out of my grasp

and i laugh

because i know that i can never touch you

but i can have this feeling whenever i want
when hurricane sandy hit
370 · Dec 2014
i'm not a rabbit
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
i'm broken
you took the batteries out of my back
and i'm run down
and tired
i just need my batteries back

blaze blazed
something about the blades
they have cut me so deep
you have cut me so deep
but i can't feel the blade
or the blood
because of the blaze

you'll never see me hop for you again
written October 2012
369 · Feb 2015
tuesday night blues
Chloë Fuller Feb 2015
i looked for you tonight
strange
barely knowing each other and feeling such a tight bond to you
how did we both grow up in the same neighborhood
3 and half hours from civilization

i looked for you tonight
gazing and hands, arms, and faces
none of them were yours and it baffled me due to your constant presence in this bar

i looked for you tonight
my shoulders slumped into my back
smiling fading, stars leaving eyes, hands lazier
367 · Nov 2014
anthem
Chloë Fuller Nov 2014
it's funny
it's so new
it's electric
HA
crooked teeth
chest hair
your own barber
astrology
****
bones
lips
tongues
OH
sleep
draped
over
me
363 · Dec 2014
morning
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
i want tea and toast with jam
i want a warm body wrapped around me like a sweater
i want a full pipe and stomach
i want the sun to stay nestled behind the clouds
i want to sleep and not worry about seeing your face in my dreams
i want to wake up to a text from a lover
i want my heart to stop aching for people i can't have
i want the nausea to cease
i want to wake up feeling healthy
i want the moon in my bed
360 · Dec 2014
quicksand man
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
the moment i met you i fell into you
359 · Nov 2014
danny
Chloë Fuller Nov 2014
I.

A chance meeting in an abandoned place led to
weekly discussions and shy smiles neither of us
wanted the other to see

II.

You clung to me closer than a wet t-shirt and
became my shadow, always at my feet.

III.

A long time away from home in a mysterious
metropolis gave you my cold, hard message without
directly placing the dagger in your center.

IV.

How could I have not noticed how
beautiful you are? How
could I not keep you? How?
359 · Dec 2014
12/3/14 10:05 am
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
i know now why i'm up this early
i'm starting to forget the names of your family members
what were they?
i see four faces along with yours
but letters begin to fade
i can't tell if this is a step forward or back

two octobers ago seems like two months ago
a broken nose to match my heart
running through a sea of people trying to find you
you must've been hiding

do you ever think of me?
i can still hear your voice ringing through my head like church bells
the taste of you still sits on my tongue and refuses to wash away
i don't like it anymore

my hurt turned to anger
my anger to sadness
my sadness to guilt
my guilt to acceptance
and now i suppose
acceptance to disappearance

you still exist in my early morning thoughts before I've left my bed
in the middle of the night when i wake up saying your name, which i have over and over and found myself panicked screaming a year after you left

how has two years flown by and you still weigh something?
"I don't want to lose you." was what you said to me a week before you left.
357 · Oct 2014
lips and hips
Chloë Fuller Oct 2014
Did you know I love you?
God ******* ******
everyone takes that phrase so seriously
it just means i wanna be held be held by you
why are you so remarkable?
I want to know every cheat code to your body
desires, wants, hopes, lusts
you are ******* delicious
i didn't and can't eat
because i want to ingest you
i want to feel your anatomy writhing around my stomach lining
singing familiar lyrics
gently stroking my insides
i go crazy
if i can't taste your lips and hips
oh me oh my
355 · Apr 2015
memories of you
Chloë Fuller Apr 2015
i wish i could tell you 'I love you' again
whiskey stinging only my lips as you watch me fall apart
349 · Jan 2015
a desperate plea
Chloë Fuller Jan 2015
no amount of whiskey or **** can numb my undying desire for you
i still remember the texture of your skin against mine
where did you go?
i don't really want to know
to be honest
if i saw you again i'd probably freeze and die
like a sapling in winter
please
just
can we erase all the animosity?
i miss watching tv with you and ******* until we couldn't move
your mom's name has slipped my memory and it destroys me
the bark of your dog and the way she'd snuggle me haunts me
emily was your sister and we had nothing in common
yet we still were close because she knew how much you loved me
i'm so sorry for ruining everything
i would do anything
anything
to have you back in my life
your endless understanding of my battered soul
and the way you'd look at me before i would leave for the night
god
come back
you've become a ghost
and it's killing me.
I met someone two years ago who was perfect for me and I ruined it and it's destroying my life.
349 · Feb 2017
the sad reality of my birth
Chloë Fuller Feb 2017
we sounded so much more beautiful last year
now we just sound like two animals
going at it
Chloë Fuller Nov 2014
You bit my lip
So ******* hard
That it hurts
To drink alcohol
Thank you.
346 · Nov 2015
Nov. 2nd
Chloë Fuller Nov 2015
I hear this song and I think of you
How did everything go so rotten, so fast
Me.
It was me.
I can't think of anything poetic to say.
So I'll just say I'm sorry for being a bother.
342 · Oct 2014
Desire infinite
Chloë Fuller Oct 2014
walk with me
talk with me
hold me
adore me
get lost with me
make my skin melt
I want our bones to touch
338 · Oct 2014
sad girls
Chloë Fuller Oct 2014
If I need
To beg and plead
Act sad
And
Feel bad
About myself
To receive my love back
Keep it.
I don't ******* want it then.
Sad girls need too much attention
When did happiness stop being attractive?
338 · Aug 2015
triumph
Chloë Fuller Aug 2015
I like to think about you ironically now
how you wish your name would be whispered on a humid summer night
Your vocabulary no longer exists on my tongue
You've become so foreign that you feel like an out-dated movie
333 · Oct 2014
cecil b.
Chloë Fuller Oct 2014
endless kisses, and vinyl, and tea
how i wish you still loved my anatomy
332 · Dec 2014
1304
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
kiss and tell
i can see her looking back
at you
you really don't care
funk
hiding from the uppers
sharing our high
i don't want you anymore
but the nostalgia
sometimes
feels like
we were good people
once
i wonder if you think this one is about you.
it was written in 2012.
331 · Feb 2015
the bag and the tree
Chloë Fuller Feb 2015
I am a grocery bag floating through the winter wind that's been caught in your branches

I hope nobody ever pulls away me from you

Floating is becoming boring

Let me pierced, tattered, crumpled

As long as it's with you
330 · Oct 2014
Desire #4
Chloë Fuller Oct 2014
I want you to teach me how to pronounce my name again because I forget it from moaning your’s so many times
330 · Oct 2014
Go Away
Chloë Fuller Oct 2014
When I tell you to go away

Please don’t leave me

I’m sorry I speak in crypts

Protecting myself while I battle you

It’s intentional but I always regret it

Help me stop

I can’t do it alone
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