I could write poetry about the way he touches me
But can't seem to describe how when he looks me in the eyes
I can feel his vulnerabilities seeping out of his skin for me

The tips of his fingers are ecstacy running up my spine
His palms are floating life boats that would never leave me behind

He makes me want to slow down time
and fast forward to see what we'd find

Is it over?
You see, you've grown much colder
Say you should date someone older
How about you go get a boulder
and smash that idea to pieces
You're immature, how don't you see this?
Accusations and assumptions
They'll dig the hole deeper
One day it's "I love her"
& the next "should I keep her?"
There's too much bad blood
I'm not sure if we can filter it
It's filling our veins
Seems like you get a thrill from it
Putting all the blame on me
Try looking in a mirror, Vin
Your pride won't allow you to see
& my problem's fear won't let me win
Scared of different versions of you
that surface when you say we're through
But then you go and take it back
You break a glass then think it won't crack
Only so much damage can be withheld
Only so many chances...only time will tell.

I don't want to hear from you
But I keep checking my phone
I want it to die
So you'll leave me alone

looking for validation in others is a vicious cycle
think for yourself, i know you've got your hands full
but nothing good will come from bringing yourself down
and telling yourself that you don't deserve to be around
i know we all have doubts, but I don't deserve to frown
every day of my life just because I let you down

Pretty girls cry the heaviest tears

Nervous assumptions cause irrational fears

Stubborn boys and green-eyed girls

Wear out her heart like a string of pearls

Misinterpretations, false allegations

Turn to loneliness and self-fixations

If only they could see what her mirror captures

That's when they'd know she's just full of disaster

Confounding thoughts and obscure self doubt,

Honesty's a chore that will bore or leave out

But no matter how obscure her thoughts

Confessing's not the path she sought

She yearns for someone who understands

But recieves only null, help from cunning hands

The kid next door
chases me into the night
with a smile and a spilling drink
Tonight will end alright

The kid next door
converses with wise men
who tell him how lucky he is
While I feel just as blessed

The kid next door
never took me for granted
but made me chase him too
And it was magic

But things change
and sadly,
The kid next door
lives nowhere near me

Right as he begins to drift off to sleep, kiss his forehead.

Be his sunrise. Make him coffee in the morning, even if you do not want any. If he holds your hand, grasp his in return, with all of the love in your body. Feel his pulse; his heart, pumping blood through his veins, through his hands, through his fingers, which wrap around yours with passion and life. Let it consume you.

This way, when all is said and done, he will remember your lips on his sleepy skin, and how he was protected at his most vulnerable...how his mind could rise peacefully with your help. He'll look at his open palm and wonder if yours is warm, and he can almost feel you intertwined with his lonely bones.

It may sting in the moment, but you've created a fire within him that will never burn out, and all you can do is hope that the next set of bones interlocking with his will be well worth his time. You've given him standards. You've given him what every soul deserves. You've given him love. And what ache isn't worth love?

Every time I pass your old house with the horses
I blow a kiss and I wish I could focus
I'm caught up on you and wish I could show it
You're so far away but I know that you know it

I still wear your shirts to sleep when I'm feeling lonely
Is it a bad thing that you still feel like home to me?

my head is bouncing on the trampoline that is his chest
i never felt a heart beat so hard
how am i flowing with emotion while still so numb

i feel for him
i feel for everyone
my passion is endless

its been 4 years since my first heartache
ive loved twice since then
and felt lust for countless souls
yet songs of old love still tug at my heart strings

nothing physical lasts forever
memories last a long time
feelings are eternal

leave impressions
soft, approachable ones
which heal with tranquil justification

I can't walk past Rocky Raccoon's house without pondering the idea of you
Simultaneously yet separately living out our days
I find comfort in nostalgic music, long car rides and light shows,
In lukewarm coffee representing effort put out for far too long
Hues of orange and yellow stick around with no sign of surrendering
Like an overdue library book I have no intention of returning
American Spirits burning a hole in my heart where you used to be

You're burning yourself alive...

I want to put out the fire.
We both know its an unhealthy desire.
And until you let the flames die down,
it's to you, not her, that the smoke will be bound.

The unsightly comfort you find in your torment
claims your inner fire, leaving you dormant.
You're trading your passion
for a love of ill fashion;
accepting an amity given in rations.

Afraid to take action,
waiting for something to happen.

But I can't watch you succumb to defeat...
Please don't let her steer from the backseat.

I hate that I can't be the one to tell you
that when you tell me things and push me, you're pushing me farther from you
It's like you try to pull me close and pull too tight, I fall right through you
You say my character shows, when really it's me playing a character
But you can never do wrong, that's where you're wrong, boy you're so arrogant
I wish you'd see things through my eyes, cloudy skies and I forgot my umbrella
I used to be the one to come clean quick, but you would never tell me
So I learned from you and decided that ignorance is bliss
And honestly I'm not sure you're something I'll miss

I walk alone
I find beauty in the sparkle of the sidewalk when the sun hits it just right
I follow the crack in the concrete like a map
It wasn't meant to be there but I'm glad it is

I'm glad I am

I find beauty where I thought I'd find pain
These are the moments that let me feel sane
Search for beauty where it's least expected
You'll find a shine in your eye and a love that is reckless

But there's beauty in the hectic
Embrace the beautiful when it's messy

At the most I'll be his sidekick for a few semesters,
crunching leaves as I walk back to his apartment, where I'll take a nap while he studies ancient philosophies, waiting for his reappearance. We'll get ****** and bicker over where to go for lunch, even though we know it'll end up being sushi (it always is).

At the least I'll be the girl he's talking about ten years from now, when explaining his firsthand experience with the deadly combination of a pretty face and a sad, sad soul. The reason he knows anyone can sink deep into that hole and he will never again judge a book by its cover, because of me.

I have dreams bigger than this town.
My ambitions are bigger than my actions here.
I know I'm supposed to follow my dreams.
But if I really go pursue them
Will those who encouraged the idea
turn their back on the reality?

Summer nights in Binghamton never seem to end
We crash, we fall, cause after all the moon is not your friend
So stumble home or where you'll moan for at least half the night
Embrace your fears, keep me near, lets end in the right light

You should learn that image is something you buy
Return worn out friends and gives new ones a try
I kept all my good ones right here by my side
To remind me sometimes it's okay not to fly
But one day you'll have to stop being so shy
Your voice alway cracks when you sing while you cry
The last image that I want carved in my mind
Is one of you saying you wish that you'd die

I've spent the better half of today naked, twisting and turning in front of the mirror, trying to decide why to love myself. Because when I scrunch my rib cage toward my hip on one side it stretches on the other? revealing a line of one-two-three-four protruding ribs I wish to make music on with a drumstick, and follow the curved line south to reveal a sturdy hip bone? eager to be knocked on, choosy on who to open for.

My feet are cold but yours are so warm
they're just bones but it's comfort and I feel at home
Dozing off
Blurred lines dont tell where you end and I begin
and thats just the way you want me
Just the way you want me to be

I have unhealthy habits
Maybe I'm an addict
Ocassionally find peace on a mattress
You preach that I'm an actress
And I've really ******* had it
If everyone think I'm a saint
That's their prerogative
I'm not trying to prove a ******* thing
At least I'm not full of ****
You put me on a pedestal
That's your wrongdoing
Not a single person's perfect
And I am no exception
But my mistakes come out as truths

I have unhealthy habits
The worst of them is you

I believe love overpowers every sour minded fool in the end

If we faced the accused, if we lose, would you still be my friend?

Niavety saves our comfort bubbles from the sharp pin that is truth

But imperfections would be less trouble if the shallow minds could see through the flaws into the beaming lights of passion burning through their temples.

I can paint the future I entail with bright and vivid colors...
My path may suggest I lack direction, when really I'm easing the tension...

he still writes about me
he still thinks about me
he claims indifference to my existence
but he still loves me
and i love the idea of him
it's so sad for him, though
because i love another's reality

I wonder if it's possible
or if it's even plausible
that before your boiling blood runs cold
you'll think of my smile or a story I told
This is starting to look like a one way road
I wish I could give up but I can't crack the code
I wish I could just turn the wheel and steer away
With my heel blend your tire tracks in the dirt to decay
Blended into my past with the rest
Bid you adieu, wish you the best
Thumb up, heels in front, begging for an escape
Eager eyes, bitter skies, and an awful embrace

What do I do?

There’s something different.

Sad songs aren’t helping but I gravitate toward them like moths to flames.

Relatable.

Why aren’t the answers easy? I could use a lifeline.

One: Smokey grey; the kind that blurs your vision or gathers in corners of ceilings that are somehow still not as high as you.
Two: The teal that masked the bedroom walls of my old home; the bedroom with nothing but a mattress on the floor and my unplugged television. I was eco-friendly, which leads me to
Three: Green: any and all greens. Mother Nature makes it obvious she loves its hues, and I strive to be one with this Earth.
Four: Whether fueled by anger or love, give me rose-colored shades and I'll rock 'em with grace and style like none before. My red blood boils with passion.
Five: Making concrete decisions is not my forte, so choosing a final favorite will leave me second guessing. Combine all the options and give me a rainbow, because when we see a color, it is actually that color being reflected while all the other colors are absorbed. They work together, as we should. You bring the crayons and I'll bring the blank canvas, let's paint the world rainbow together.

consume endless stimulants
anything to get through this

lifeless eyes with sunken souls
tucked away in hidden holes

the hands on the clock do a full rotation
returning then surpassing their first location

alternating breaks between coffee and bogies
i sit on the floor, my effort withholding

breathe in, breathe out, inhale deep
i know not about counting sheep

a few more bodies tough it out
"we are the champions," i want to shout

and i'm delusional, so i just might
tell this empty room about my sleepless night

Soul searching
Mouth hurting
Imprinted wrists
Unfinished lists
Squinting eyes
Exposed thighs
Barefoot dancing
Sights enhancing
Lustful thinking
Heavy drinking

*Thoughtless memories...
It was hell, we would see.

An overload of empathy
Now I think it's apathy
Regardless of the outcome I can honestly say
I'm happy that things have turned out this way

I don't want sympathy, I just want to be understood.
I want someone to look into my eyes and send me chills,
because I can feel with every cell in my body that they understand me... understand the simple commonality of human experiences,
both positive and negative,
and how your vulnerabilities can shine through in moments that don't  
seem to make sense to you at the time,
but take a step back and take inventory of your traumatic timeline
it is so telling of your definition...Why you are how you are.
Acceptance is the key, not commonality, not normality, not anything other than a realization of the varying human form.

How is full enjoyment expected
if every moment we are given
is not fully experienced?
We wish and wait for "better,"
but when we finally get there..
it's right back to the blueprints
to upgrade our definitions
of.. meaning.. of... interest.
I challenge you to see things
not through hopeful, fantastical eyes,
but for the proven presence obtained.
I challenge you
to make something out of nothing..Why not?
You make nothing out of something
every day.
We look right past all the beauty we are given..
and we do not earn this beauty. What a shame
that it is wasted on such careless creatures.
Maintain a sense of face value before your turn is over
and all you have collected from your stay
are wrinkles on your forehead
and a lack of words when confronted with the idea
that you've done nothing with your time.

As I watch the smoke disperse through the screen of my bedroom window, I pick out our differences. The cloud loses mass as it blends with it's environment. While it is blending, it is being set free. But the more I allow myself to blend, the more I feel stripped of my freedoms.

Somewhere between the best and the worst

Lana said it right, we put our love first

As I take it down and it fills me up

All I can think is This is love.

Brand new sights and mind expansion

Spinning around, high and dancing

With a temporary sense of euphoria

Comes the eye opening drag of hysteria

Desire and jealousy fuel my time

While half empty became a regular night

Lights and vibrations, my smile is bliss

Purely soul searching as I lean in to kiss

the top of the world and all the stars

They welcome me with open arms

to be a part of all they are

Staring from afar, he noticed that you noticed him and
your eyes cross paths
Neither knows whether to quickly shift or let it last.
But as the corners of his lips curl upward slightly
You're glad you held your glance, and smile back delightedly.
*But when he licks his lips and his brows raise
You're disgusted, he stares while your focus has changed

Stay up late just for conversation
A brand new face and a fascination
Passing compliments and smiles as if they're going out of style
Something seems familiar and it's something so peculiar
Hours on the phone usually don't pass the time but for some reason time moved faster than my favorite season
There's no doubt in my mind I'll be tired when I rise
But honestly, that's alright, I feel hypnotized
The newest of new - I just met him today
But he fits me just right like he's custom made
Mutual excitement, we may be thinking reckless
But I want him to hang around like my favorite necklace

peaceful in my misery
if it's truly meant to be
contentment in despondency
no longer will i beg and plead
dont reach for me, i am not free

i dont want to use it
but i can draw a perfect mental picture of it sitting in my kitchen
to the left of the stove in the top drawer, in front of silver oven mitts
i dont want to use it
but i dont know what can take this pain away and stop my chest from caving in and my sighs from getting deeper and my breaths from getting faster with less space in between them to relax
i dont want to use it
but i can no longer relax
i need to feel the pain
seeping out of my skin onto the floor where i've been too many times before
i am weak
but i am not that weak
i wont use it

I want to pick your brain..
Lots would like to wander around your brain,
roam your ideas and such
But I am unlike the curious
Although I share the intensity and passion toward you as they do,
I'm finding you in a different place, a dark one none of them can identify
When it comes to you,
I fade away from the mainstream,
chisel through a rock enough to change route..
enough for a one way ticket down a one way path
My solo trip toward a never ending wrath
And since I already have the chisel
Like I said, I'd like to pick your brain
But in less of a poetic form, cut the metaphors sharply
Ironically, although you have intriguing moments,
I'd use an ice pick.

How can someone
as intellectually beautiful
as you
do something so entirely cruel
to make someone
as intellectually vulnerable
as me
see stars in your eyes
and float five feet above the ground
just to cover the stars with clouds
and reestablish the force of gravity
pulling my heart six feet under
shutting the door of opportunity
and locking the dead bolt

I love you and
I'm sorry

dark
   breathy voices
   bitter decisions left behind
   red, feathers, disperse with pressure
   sinking into you like so many times before
   ..like no time before
   this is a new house
   you are a new boy
     old memories join the gathered smoke
     trying to escape us
     there's a lack of ventilation
     a crack in the foundation

Today marks the start
The change in my heart
Open mind, open eyes
I've awoken for an early rise

only time will tell
the sick from the well
so come out of your shell
and give them hell

Flash back three years
I remember we were sitting on the couch when he got the phone call
He told me to stay home as he rushed to his brother's house to get some sort of... undesired verification
Unbelievable
It wasn't a joke?

Flash forward a few days
I stood behind him as everyone approached you, choking on their final goodbyes, then paid their respects to him and the rest of your family
I hyperventilated and had to sit on the steps in front of the funeral parlor
I can still picture them lowering your body to it's final resting place
I hope my rose lived a while on the case that holds your once fast-beating heart and beaming smile

Flash back to the previous July
The first time I met you
We snuck into your house to sleep, you walked in on us the next morning
It was really kind of funny
And you got over it quickly
Your biggest problem was you had just renewed your license
For the simple reason of wanting the heart on the back, you became an ***** donor
And the funniest part was they forgot to put the heart
You made a big deal about it, your mannerisms are unforgettably comical

The last time I saw you was Valentines Day
We were enjoying a quiet night in with dinner and wine when you knocked
You just wanted to tell us you were DJing down the road
You were doing good
Phenomenal, and we were so proud
You were happy
And we
were so happy for you

You gave him an irreplaceable friend
You gave him stories that if written would stretch across town twice
You made him feel when I was not sure he was capable anymore
And while we did not have the same fire, you still gave me something
Thank you for the rides to school
I can still envision your eyes in your rearview mirror
The tremble of your forehead's reflection from the bass
But you thought it was cool
You exposed me to new music
I remember they played Reggaeton at your wake, you were always so unconventional, and it always made me smile
And I remember that winter evening when you helped us decorate our Christmas tree
He watched, amused, as we bickered over where the last ornament should go, finally coming to an agreement

Though you are gone now
You live forever
I still visit you on holidays and decorate your grave with Giants gear
I still think of you when I see the heart on the back of a license
You couldn't have one on the back of yours
Yours was too busy beating fast enough to keep up with you
It's true when they say the good die young
And besides, I'm not sure you would have liked getting old
If you had it your way we'd all be young forever

The world is beautiful, but also sick,
And she's a product of her environment.

So don't place blame on the bright red lipstick,
Or the devious hand that's applying it.

Or the way that she gets, every once in a while,
How she steals his bleeding heart, then leaves with a smile.

If your eyes can't stay open, it could be dismissed
But ******* if they open in the middle of a kiss.

hes good at what he does
bad news covered in attraction
hes a magnet with a strong force
steer clear or he'll swallow you whole
no matter how smart you believe yourself to be
he is so invested in erasing all you've learned from your past mistakes
and he knows exactly how to grab ahold of you and turn the tables
leaving you with confusion and self blame,
and an image of him you'll never want to fade

How is it that I'm not ready for love
yet I surrender all willpower at the slightest mention of you
Am I ready? With out you is too bitter, too uneasy
Where did my home go?

Subconscious decisions

Blurred morality

There's a lacking somewhere

Why did I do it?

I'm on your side

We're both against me

Slamming the back of my head against the wall
sliding my body down until my face rests in my knees

I taste the salt as my cheekbones struggle to catch each dropping tear

"What the ****."

None of it makes sense.
All that makes sense to me

is us

I thought things would be different this time
I was under the impression that the word meant more to me than it did to you
I still am
When I asked if you care about me, you responded, "Not right now,"
and that worries me
Because even as you cursed my name, I tried to find someone else to blame
And as I walked away, my blood boiling, and you put the drivers seat down to sleep, I couldn't even make it around the corner without feeling like I was abandoning you
I should have left you there to your own devices with no hesitation