I hope you still haunt me
once you're actually dead.

Sometimes I wonder if you still think of me,
In all the ways you used to.
Eyes wild in the moonlight,
Thoughts escaping in sentences too quick to process.
Shy chuckles,
Hands too cold, waiting for yours.
An ache for adventure,
You knew exactly where that lead.
Sleepless nights we'd sit beneath the stars,
And wonder if all of this was just a dream.
I hope you still think of me,
Because I know I think of you.

It's in my head where he now lives.
Holding my thoughts,
Instead of my body.
Filling my mind with lies,
Rather than lying next to me.
Stealing my attention,
Instead of quick kisses.
Leaving me for dead,
Rather than making me feel alive.

I wish you could see how much better I am now,
Without your smell, your smile, your name flittering around in my mind.
I wish you could see how much happier I am now,
Without your constant nagging about where I am, or who I'm with.

I wish you could feel how much lighter I am now,
Without your body always wound around mine.
I wish you could feel how much colder I am now,
Without your every breath warming my neck.

I wish you could see how much I miss you.

You smiled in a way that I could never,
The glint in your eyes stole my every breath.
After you left it made sense,
Why I always felt like I was suffocating.
You thought in a way that I could never,
The beauty of your thoughts were unreal.
After you left I understood why I felt so hideous,
The beauty of your mind,
Made everything else ugly in comparison.
You looked at me in a way that I could never,
The way you gazed at me made me feel so loved.
And after you left I understood the aching in my chest,
And knew I would never love anyone,
The way I loved you.

I wish I was more than a thought,
but less than a headache.
I wish I was like your favorite song,
instead of just a jingle.
I wish I meant something more than a little,
but a little less than a lot.
I wish I was like your favorite novel,
instead of a small comic strip.
I wish you put me first,
but instead you put me last.

I wish you knew
how hard I try
for you.