I didn't want to go home unannouced
I didn't want to bother anyone in my resting place
I just want to speed up the pace
Fast forward to the void with the sound
Of nothing at all

Bakit balewala na sa akin ang pagkalunod?
Bakit sa tuwing nahihila pababa ng angkla'y nagpipigil na lang ng hininga?
Bakit tuwing nahuhulog ay hindi na sumusubok lumaban
At sa tuwing may kamay na kukuha pabalik ay pilit iniiwasan


Isang araw ay nagising
Nang 'di namamalayan ang mga luhang umaagos sa mga mata
Ganito pala sumagot ang sariling katawan
Na paulit ulit nagsasabing hindi na sapat ang paglimot
At di na rin sapat ang pagsisinungaling at pagpapaniwala sa sarili
Na ayos ka na
Dahil hindi pa naman talaga
At akala mo lang noon na handa ka nang bumagon ulit at magsimula

Kaya bumalik na sa himbing ng pagtulog hanggang sa makalimot muli

The world is as cruel as you see it
You see, I lived a life of a beggar
Constantly wishing for anything right to land my hand
As it extends to the air and space in front of me

Nothing, when I wished for nothing I got exactly what I wanted
I reached out and, fate,
Fate is crueler than you think it is,
than you leaving me with uncertainty and leaving me

you see, fate has always been on the upper hand
no regrets and never thinks twice
now when it decided we fall apart.
We fell apart.

Harder than you thought it was
Concrete was concrete
I landed perfectly on it
Bones broken, thoughts disoriented and tears flowing

Acceptance.
Acceptance was harder than healing
It was more painful, aggravating
Wearing a flowery mask, a façade, a disguise

My body is covered with tattoos

I made them with thoughts, ones I created with memories, ones that are considered permanent but bit by bit I manage to take them off. Ones that changed colors by the season I'm in. My body is covered with tattoos as well as scars. I managed to let go of the ones that wanted to take off, and ones that infected my being. Healing wasn't a pleasant place. I tell myself enough, but I couldnt help myself. ''Maybe this time, this one won't have to go.'' But I seal my scars with another one, and another, and another, and another, until my skin screamed, until my skin felt nothing.


I got bruises for not feeling

I am supposed to be happy. There are many reasons to be. But I guess I can never be satisfied and id still want more, even though I do not entirely know what I want. My heart feels so empty, that I hear the sound of my own heartbeat in the hollowness of its chambers. I grasp for air everytime because I feel my throat closing in. I'd get stomachaches and would want to ***** out everything that I am. Because I hate everything that I am, was, and became. Serenity is played in shows, movies and music, in people at the streets, walking alone but not feeling lonely, in colors, in everything that I can only watch but never touch and never become.


Imagine me having a heartbreak every single day I see you.

You walked past me looking at my eyes but never in too deep. My feelings are buried deep down, where I can't even dig. You are the love I never intend to have and the love I have always wanted. You took me to a whole new reality but left me there. I was screaming your name everytime my heart and body start to shake. You caused me all this pain but you were always innocent. I mistook your glances for longing, I was the one longing.


We take words and make it as romantic as it sounds

We put love in every bit of context or in some cases we force out love to take part of our whole being. That's how we live, survive and die. We write songs about the sky or the moon or the sun and make it seem like they are infatuated with the clouds. We make the wind sound like the humming of a broken hearted lover waiting to be salvaged by the knight. There was always a knight, who comes and saves us. Take us out of the black and white world we created for ourselves. We make this up for our loses. For our victories. For the ones that broke us. For the ones that mold us back. For ourselves.

It felt right. For the first time in a long time, I've never felt so aligned with the stars. It wasn't oh-no-whats-the-catch kind of happy, it was live-in-the-moment kind of happy, a one-gaze-for-communication happy, a clean-slate-start happy. It was everytime you'll fall you know someone's looking out for you. It was the warm and gentle water giving my back a place to let all my worries float, then I floated.

You pour too much, honey
You can give some to your self
Your bones were not meant to be broken apart
And to be given away as a parting gift
and your heart isn’t gonna take itself to sleep
to give way for another heartbeat
to succeed in making more songs for life to be lived
you deserve someone like your self
your lungs collapsed when you breathe
for anyone who needs serenity
you turn your back to your own battles
you were afraid to go home
when home became just a place
and you don’t know what happens next
you tried to cry
but the rivers were enough for you to sleep, so why?
You tried to look at your path
But you carelessly joined a troubled soul
And you waited for the aftermath
You knew.
You live by faith
And how it would lead to a better fate
You,
You tried not to worry about your pain
Learned how to live and love and die in vain
You deserve someone like yourself.
And not someone who broke you apart
Not someone who decided you were too small
For the eyes to see
Never someone who rated your worth with your color and melody
You weren’t gray
Nor the gave the slightest hint of happy
You provided yourself as the safety net
You never had one for yourself.
So, you,
You deserve someone like yourself.