People, I really wanna tell ya
I'm not a man of violence
but I'm also not a wussy fella.
Did my time-- I know how to fight
Not saying I'm an Expendable
but my skills are dependable.
I'm only saying this because
too many times people don't believe it
Only 5'10; that might have to do with
why people like to get up in my face
I promise, though, I'm a special case
of, "don't judge a book by its cover."
Speaking of books, if you wanna
hear a story, I got one to tell ya.
Alright, so here's the setup:
I was chilling at a party
it's not where I shoulda been
but it'd been a pretty ****** week
My plan was to have a few beers
and maybe blow off a little steam
I was hanging with my buddy
when I saw my ex across the room
I knew I shoulda left but...
I was buzzed,
what was I supposed to do?
Anyhow, so sitting by her side
was this LeatherFace looking guy
He was pretty ugly,
and I mean ****
he must'a fallen down the ugly tree;
hit every branch on his way down
My ex's eyes and mine kinda met
I knew it was all over when
she whispered something in his ear.
He just kinda nodded
them made his way over here.
My buddy turned and said,
"Hey man, I really gotta go
You should probably go home."
I just raised my beer and shook it
He knew I just had to finish.
So he pulled a Superman--
went up, up and away.
Then I was sitting there by myself
while this guy walked to the couch
He stood there for a minute
then he opened his pie-hole,
"Hey, it seems we have a problem."
I said, "Oh, well, have another beer
that always seems to quell 'em."
He shook his head and gestured
for me to go ahead and stand
but I still had that beer in my hand
"Man, just go.
I know you're dating my ex
good luck with that, bro."
He just looked at me and said,
"She said that I had to kick your ***."
I laughed and just replied,
"Yeah, that's kinda why I left her
she couldn't go a day without
trying to bust my ***** together."
He got this ******* look
Then put his hand on my shoulder
I shook my head and groaned,
"Dude, you really don't wanna do this
Don't know who you're dealing with
Hate to say it, but she sent you
over here to get your *** kicked."
And then, I **** you not
he took his grimy hand and
spilled my beer all over
my brand new ******* boots.
If ever I'd been ******,
it was truly at this ****.
Before he could even move
I was on my feet--
he did not know what to do.
A jab, a hook, a knee to his gut
he was on the floor
and I was out the door.
So please, if anything
just listen to my plea:
for your own sake
never pick a fight with anyone
cuz you don't know who they are.
I only tell you this because
I really do care and truth told,
I don't want anyone to get hurt.
Sorry if the language here offends anyone! I just feel its appropriate for this piece