Cherisse May

Cherisse May Sep 2018

I tried suspending a heavy object
from my ceiling,
testing a hook ***** I found
lying around in my room.

As soon as it fell,
I took some superglue
and squeezed it onto the *****'s threads,
hoping it'll stick into the ceiling well.

Superglue advertisements often endorse
their superb sticking ability;
let's see,
can it properly hang me?

I should be studying but these nasty thoughts are consuming me.

#superglue #hang #ceiling #attempt #sad #empty #feeling #poem

Cherisse May Sep 2018

Calling...

Hello, death?
Yes, uh, hi. Calling because I wanted to clarify things.
When I said I wanted to die, I meant alone,
not with friends.

I don't want them to get caught in my selfishness,
Nor do I want their families to feel loss.
So yes, at least keep them safe; I'm fine with dying, I guess.
Anyway, until next time, death.

I forgot to post this one.

Me and my research teammates almost crashed into a car in the middle of the highway. Thankfully, the tricycle driver managed to swerve and slightly scratch the car, even when the tricycle was going full speed.

#car #accident #death #calling #selfishness #sad #lonely #alone #die

Cherisse May Sep 2018

monday again.

The week hasn't even started,
And yet I feel like
My arms have been torn, limb by limb,
And my mind eternally wandering into space.

The only thing keeping me alive
Is the requirements in school,
Loans I have to pay,
And compulsory attendances.

I don't know.
I find it utterly sad
To lose reason and will to live,
But what can I do?

Slowly losing hope.

I don't want to be judged for being a sad ball of negativity.

This is the only place I feel like I can talk to someone, since I felt like no one wants to talk to an annoying, overly dramatic kid.

Maybe after all this.

#sad #monday #stay #alive #lonely #lost #hope #worry

Cherisse May Sep 2018

why

I've always wondered "why"
Why can't I write
Fluffy and warm poems,
Making me happy?

Why can't I write happy poems
Without hating myself?
Why can't I write about falling in love
Without cringing and deleting it?

Why are my friends
So good at writing poems
And making people feel
All these good emotions?

I want to be happy.
I want to be truly happy with whatever I'm doing.

Everyone's writing beautiful poems, and I feel happy whenever I read them. How come I can't write happy poems without sounding disgusting or trying so hard?

I want to cheer people up, too.
But I end up drowning in my self hate anyway.
I am a source of negativity,
And I'm genuinely sorry.

#cheer #up #why #sad #happy #emotions #poems #friends

Cherisse May Sep 2018

stop, halt. ending.

I've been so used to being lonely and self loathing that I end up pushing everyone away, hoping that it'll all go away.

This nasty feeling inside me needs to stop.

But something's telling me the only way I could ever do that is if I make myself stop.

Stop, halt. Ending.

These inner demons rising beneath my bedsheets trying to strangle me, trying to devour me whole. They're unstoppable, and I'm terrified at what I might do next.

I'm starting to lose all hope.

#help #sad #stop #halt #depressed #poem #lonely #problematic

Cherisse May Sep 2018

a penny for a thought

Finally,
I came to my senses.

I finally realized that by the end of the day,
I will never truly find happiness.

Human greed is awful; they constantly want more and more,
Not realizing that there will never be an infinite amount of "mores" to ever satisfy them.

#help #lonely #sad #regret #greed #hate #self #poem #awful #realization

Cherisse May Sep 2018

I am not

I am not beautiful,
No matter what people say,
Because it's always a daily struggle
To look at the mirror and accept myself.
I'll end up hating myself anyway.

I am not happy
With how I weigh,
Because I'll never be as skinny
As those girls on screen, flaunting themselves.
I obsessed with numbers, and I still am.

I am not confident
With anything I do, or say,
Simply because I'll always never be enough.
Never.
I'll only end up cursing my work and words.

What I am, though,
Is someone constantly struggling
With trying to accept herself, and coming to terms that
I'm pretty okay.
If it weren't for my friends, I wouldn't get any progress.

Someday, slowly, I'll get there.
I'll learn to accept my flaws,
Embrace my soul and tell myself,
"You worked hard today.
You did it."

Still learning.

I constantly hate myself but I'm learning not to.
Slowly.

I'll get there soon.

#learning #selflove #love #self #acceptance #confidence #beauty