I'm so sorry.

For avoiding you,
Ignoring you.

Feeling jealous
When you talk to other girls.
Yet not bothering
To make the first move.

When I do,
I'm sorry
If I appear clingy.

I'm not good enough for you.

But I wonder,

Does all this matter to you?

Sorry, for disturbing you.

I want someone
Who can read my eyes
And communicate with them
So that we can share jokes
From across the room
Or alert each other
During emergencies.

I want someone
Who can differentiate my smiles.
Real ones, fake ones
So that even when everyone else
Is fooled,
You won't be.

I need someone
Who can understand
That I'm a complicated,
Contradictory person.
That I may blow hot and cold
But in the end
I'll still love you.

In the spring
I saw you liked a pretty girl
with a pretty smile
a pretty laugh
and a great body

So over the summer I made myself pretty too
changed my hair
changed my makeup
and ate healthy

When I came back to school in the fall
I got double takes from boys
and jealous eyes from girls
but not a single look came from you.

1680

Sometimes with the Heart
Seldom with the Soul
Scarcer once with the Might
Few—love at all.

Tossing and turning
Heavy breathing,
Tears of frustration.

Screaming at my brain
To dismiss, erase, forget
All memories of you.

But it rebels
Like a stubborn teenager
It eyes me
In a huff, says,
"No!"
And proceeds to
Replay
Those moments
Over and over again.

My exasperation
Soon turns into
Sadness, despair, misery
Knowing that
It's all gone.

Forgetting you
Why can't it be easy?
Like how dried leaves
Are swept by the breeze
Into the river
And float away to
The point of no return.

Feeding myself
Thoughts of how
It's hopeless
Just doesn't work.

They taught her
Not to believe
The sweet nothings
Boys would tell her.
"I would do anything for you."
"You mean the world to me!"
"Oh, darling, I love you so much."

For they were all lies.

Little did they know
That she, too,
Would never believe those lies.
In fact,
She was the one
Who told them.

Oh, save me
From the depths of
Immature
Teenage
Infatuation.

I still find it
Hard to let go.

I was deluded,
Tricked by myself
Thinking
I had moved on.

But all I had to do
Was replay my favourite memory
Of you and I
And
I had a relapse.

I started falling for you,
Now miles away,
All over again.

Remember when we
Confided in each other
Laughed at the
Shallowness of society?

And as the days went by
My feelings
Our feelings for each other
Grew stronger
And we confessed.
I recall how
Warm and red
My face was.  

We were so close,
You were the only true friend
I had.
I trusted you,
Loved you.
And once upon a time
I was sure you did, too.

But what happened?
Did I say something wrong?
Or did your fickle mind
Simply grow bored
Of this pathetic, desperate girl
With a warped view of the world?

Because now
We barely talk
And I'm always the one who
Initiates a conversation
That always ends so abruptly.

Can we go back to
What we used to be?
Best friends,
Nothing more?

I'm not asking for romance,
I long gave up on that.

Love
Is just a seemingly beautiful
Excuse
For delusion.

Love
Is just a seemingly pleasurable
Feeling
To fill our empty souls.

Love
Is for
Fools.