i've been thinking about
now
too much that i've forgotten
before's and next times also known as after's
still exist

a wild child full of grace
stuck in this dream of a haze
that we all agreed to call life
though most times i'd rather die

regret hatred and deception
all in the pain of excruciation
maybe someday i'll be great
despite great being the only thing
i've chosen to hate

it isn't self pity nor is it envy
it's just the thought of maybe
what i'm supposed to be is right in front of me
that i can't seem to see

for i am scared that i will love you more than i can bear

he's like monday
loathed, but still attended to

he walks like passion
he talks like passion
he gestures like passion
he does everything with passion
i hope he'd have for me

"you know this is insane," i gasp
carefully dangling my feet
as he kicks back and forth
with force that scares me
for our bodies that will soon
be broken on the ground
if he keeps it up
"i know, and i dare you to tell me that isn't the reason you came."

i'm only human, after all
and my kind
is as strong as we are weak

ah, but whatever happened to not breaking so easily?

i'm barely even a teen
you can't expect me to fall
that isn't fair
i know most people assume
only the damaged and broken
keep themselves
from falling
but they aren't the only ones
because i'm here
and i'm neither
but i refuse to fall
maybe i'm scared
of welcoming something
foreign that not even my mother can make me understand
love cannot be taught, is what i'm told
maybe i just don't want to have something just to lose it

i hate it when i'm with a group and a person's laugh appears and sounds to be so real
but then the smile is quickly wiped off their face as they stare at nothing in particular
when the joke's finally said
and everybody else is finally done laughing
when they aren't aware of my awareness of their wariness