losing him's like being given an oreo
when you've been having double stuff forever

i've been losing him and i didn't even notice

i am a hypocrite
i have my fair share of selfish days
i only do it differently
self harming, i mean
i chug alcohol
like i should
be poise in sipping milk
inhale
like i'm not slowly being addicted
sideway shaving
is as close to actually cutting
i'll ever get
and i'm a fake
albeit i like to think i'm not
i like to think my smiles are real
and 70% of the time, they are
mostly..
but that 30% still exists
and that's proof alone
that i'm a hypocrite

even the mere idea
suggestion
of self harming bothers me
yes, it is selfish
ungrateful
ignorant
but also very sad
i cannot come to terms with the fact that people hurt other people
so much they resort to hurting themselves
as long as God exists, you are not alone
how could you hurt Him like that?

flipping the pages of the last book you made me read makes me feel like i've been suffering dyslexia for some time now
so hauntingly familiar
not in any way foreign to me
a photo falls so delicately onto my stained rug
the photo i used as a bookmark
the photo of us i've kept hidden
and forgotten
the photo of you handing a couple dollars
to somebody not in the camera's view
the photo with me beside you
gratefully smiling
as i munch on a waffle
the waffle i spit out right after
the photo that reminds me of the horrid taste of that waffle
it's taste almost as bad as what i feel for you

he's the kind of *******
that tells you you're not special
without actually telling you
because he gives everybody
his '**** me' eyes
but you wouldn't want
to ever be special for him, anyway

I HATE HOW BOYS ARE
I HATE HOW HE IS
I HATE HOW GIRLS ARE
I HATE HOW I AM

i'm not sure if what we had could be considered love
since i've been told
love cannot be known so easily

i just want that feeling again
that feeling you gave me
i'm helplessly craving
that giddy feeling of loving life

even if it's with somebody new
especially if it's with somebody new
so i know you're not the only one
who can make me feel so alive