I want to write a song
for so long.
I've wanted that song to represent me
And who I'll be
and what I will see

The sea haunts me
no that won't work

This is real this is me
nope already been done.
Hmm

To many times
you've gone flying over my head
and too many times I've screamed into the night.
For far to long I've been alone
just me
and no longer will I allow it  
I will forever and always follow you
I will find myself and believe  
I will come out of my shadows and into my light.

Words I can't say out loud.

Sometimes I'm over come by the urge to swollow a bottle of pills
I won't, but I want to.

I really, really like ***,
but I can't have it as much as I want,
for fear of being labled a ****.

I regret most of my decisions,
but I will never tell a soul.

I Don't want to!

Okay.

That's cool too.

I have a reputation
One I wish would go away

But this world has no magic
For that I'd have to pay

I've met my one and only,
I've met him once or twice.

And I know a lot of stories
No single one tells my vice.

Twice I've tried
Twice I've died

Dear son or daughter,

You can be whoever you want to be,
you can do whatever you want to do.
There are no limits,
I will not limit you to the confines of my beliefs
I will not tell you you are wrong
I will raise you with the best of my abilities
and I will give you everything you need
I will do whatever I can to ensure your safety and happiness
And yes, I will ground you if you misbehave,
but I will never guilt you,
manipulate you
or justify being mean to you for some greater good.
I will always love you with my whole heart,
and the truth is,
I'm writing this letter at 16 when I can't even imagine wanting you.
Dear son or daughter.
You will be the most important thing in my life
I will take every step,
I vow to never shelter you from the hard stuff
and justify it with the fact that I know best.
I will always love you.
Forever.

My first
Your first,
I used you.
But then I fell.
I fell for you
harder and faster than any other man.
You,
you meant the world to me.
Yes, I manipulated and lied just to get you in bed.
I wanted in your pants.
I don't remember where I was going with this....

Home.
Where the heart is,
The title of the page with all the new poems you follow.
The place that provides shelter from the rain
Where you're supposed to feel safe.

Me: RIGHT! I DON'T DESERVE WHAT I WANT BECAUSE I DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING!
him: I never said that sweetie.
Me: YOU ******* IMPLIED IT
I never ask for anything because you always ******* say no!
Every time you trust me and I'm good you take away my privledesg
so whats there to stop me from doing whatever the **** i want?
I mean, seriously
Like, ARGH!!!
Dad: Carolyn, calm down, you need to look at this with logic.
Me: I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I'M YELLING! THIS ISNT THAT ******* BIG A DEAL!
GOD!
UGH!