I've been doing well when it comes to pushing the thought of you away,
But tonight I'll sit in the rose water pool that is nostalgia and miss your drunken kisses.
It's hard to believe we exist in the same moment- just different places. How is it over the mountain?
I remember the coolness of the fireponds, I remember the smell of the summer fires, I remember the view of the sunset from your house, I remember you turning around and flashing me a smile.
Tonight I'll miss the laughter, the feeling of the moonlight soaking every inch of my skin while we ran through that field, I'll miss the taste of beer on your lips when you'd go in for a kiss. I'll miss the feeling of hearing you say "I love you" without hesitation.
Tonight ill miss sitting on your lap while we shared a bottle of wine, ill miss you leaving during an argument and coming back with two beers for us to talk over. I'll miss the feeling of fixing things with you. I'll miss the way you swayed the last time you hugged me... The last time you loved me. Tonight ill miss loving you, and feeling the same in return.

How many miles left?
Can my tires make it, or have they corded out already?
Am I driving on rims?
Move, please I beg of you, get me there. Take me back where I was when I felt something other than this hollow emptiness that now echoes my marbled halls.
You sputter with one last puff of black smoke. I rest my head on the steering wheel, realizing this Rube Goldberg device stopped working long ago.
I don't care to lift the hood and diagnosis the issue, finding a remedy for your fluctuation.
So I'll just leave you here, with a white t-shirt in the window, but I'm not coming back.

Your inability to take accountability shows me the type of man I was with.

I feel like I'm going to puke.
I'm feeling as crazy as driving down your street at 2am blaring my car horn. This is the first we've spoken in months and it feels good. This diaphram strain hasnt been holding me back from singing in the shower, singing our song. Whatever that may be. You wounded me in ways I feel I'll never heal from, I'm down to my last cigarette and I want to smoke it- I got my license so I can get more, maybe ill keep driving and driving til I see your house and your new unfamiliar car parked in front of it. You move me in ways I never expected and I haven't moved your way in what feels like decades.
I love you.