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Aug 2019 · 1.6k
body dysmorphia
bridgett Aug 2019
I want to know what people see,
I'll never see myself clearly.
My brain changes and contorts my body,
I'll
**** in my stomach till I can't breathe,
Nothing but high waisted skinny jeans,
No tight shirts, dresses, or bikinis.

I'm
too wide in the waist
too broad in the shoulders
too chubby in the fingers
too full in the cheeks

And
I'll never see what people see
I'll never see what makes me, me.
Feb 2019 · 295
an old iphone note
bridgett Feb 2019
i'd write your name in my skin
i'd hold my breath and never give in
you'd pick a fight just so you could win
i don't want to love you, i don't want to let you in
i'm malleable, you're manipulative.

i'd write your name in my flesh
you laugh at me and all your mess
you see everyone as breakable test
     (and you saw me as less)

icanfeeltheburnofeverykiss
andyourcheekburnsatrenchinmyche­st

i dropped everything, everyone, all for you
i thought i was blinded by light, but i was blinded by you
the center grew dark and i lost my way
if it were so soon, i'd crawl back on my knees
i'd forget what i had lost, i'd forget what i had seen

butnowi'mdrainedfromthedrug
andnowi'mclean
i don't know what i wrote this about exactly, it just like. happened. it happened really quickly too, i didn't worry about anything else except a little bit of rhyming and that was about it.
Feb 2019 · 222
11:50 pm?
bridgett Feb 2019
i want time to turn back
just a few hours
when your head was in my lap
or when you stood like a tower
and hit your head on the chandelier like light.

when you kiss me your hands roam
and sometimes i kiss with my teeth
because i’m smiling too hard
because i’m so **** happy.

i love it when you lean on me
i don’t mind my arm going numb
or even if you elbow me
as long as you’re laying all over me.

when you talk about leaving for boot camp
i can’t look at your face
my eyes get too watery
and i don’t want you to see me cry.
Jan 2019 · 336
poem 1,456 about God
bridgett Jan 2019
I don't hear Your voice like others say they do
I'm wandering around my life without a clue
It feels like I'm living my life without You.

Even when I pray, it's hard to pick the right thing to say
And sometimes I don't bother at the end of the day
Because I feel like You're just slipping away.
Jan 2019 · 240
another poem about God
bridgett Jan 2019
Have You abandoned me?
I followed You endlessly
I followed You blindly

Have You been ignoring me?
Can You not hear when I weep?
Are my prayers too hard to keep?

Have You abandoned us?
I think You've lost our trust,
     You've lost my trust.
Dec 2018 · 197
i really love him
bridgett Dec 2018
Looks don't mean much to me
I am in love with your personality,
even if it sounds like a lie, it's not.
You couldn't think of specific reasons why you love me,
And I can't blame you, you were put on the spot.

          I love that toothy smile you always do
When you laugh and say, "I love you."
          To me, it all really means a lot.
I love how you always want to hold my hand,
          or how your foot is crooked when your stand.
When you leaned on me at the movies,
          and you cradled my hands, I've never felt so safe.
bridgett Dec 2018
There will be days when the world is nothing but against you
There will be days when the current seems too rough
There will be days when you question all of what you knew
There will be days when you feel that you've had enough
There will be days when you feel as if you have no clue
Dec 2018 · 332
a poem about depression
bridgett Dec 2018
Sometimes I don't feel like going on anymore
Sometimes I wish that man would have never dragged me to the shore
Sometimes I wish life didn't feel like such a chore
Sometimes I don't feel like going on anymore

Sometimes I don't feel like getting out of bed
I'm tired of people telling me this is all in my head
"You're life is all good, you are clothed, you are fed!
You're life is all good, you are lucky enough to have a bed!"
I just keep everything I want to say left unsaid,
You wouldn't try to understand, you'd just be disappointed.
So sometimes, I don't feel like getting out of bed.

Sometimes I don't feel like getting dressed
I don't want to change my clothes and I'll leave my hair a nest.
I don't even want to shower, sometimes, that's something else I'll confess.
With my room a mess, and while I'm not feeling my best,
Sometimes I don't feel like getting dressed.

Sometimes I forget to eat
My appetite has disappeared, my appetite is depleted.
You could bribe me with my favorite food, or a treat
My appetite still wouldn't recover, I still wouldn't want to eat.
My stomach will churn sickly at the thought of food, my legs will feel weak.
Sometimes, I forget to eat.

Sometimes I don't want to answer my phone.
It's nothing personal, I just "want" to be alone.
I say I need to figure things out on my own
And you wouldn't want to hear me complain and groan
I know I shouldn't isolate myself so I am alone.
But sometimes,
Sometimes I don't want to answer my phone.

I want to isolate myself until you have a reason to leave
I've always been the best at ruining everything
With my self destructive tendencies
this just sort of. happened i guess?
bridgett Dec 2018
i will stay silent
i will bore you
i am an island
you are not included
     (yet)

i've told you more than i've ever told others
i want to say more, but i don't want to smother
i don't want to say too much
i don't want to be left with regret
but i don't want us to lose touch
i just don't know how to connect
i **** at opening up to people and it's straining relationships. wonderful.
Dec 2018 · 338
another poem about God
bridgett Dec 2018
I was (am)
     Brainwashed
         Conditioned
             Indoctrinated
Into believing in a God that
     Can’t hear us
Into praying to a God that
     Can’t hear us
Into fearing a God that
     Can’t hear us  
I find comfort in my conditioned beliefs
Like a safety blanket, I find peace
I just wonder why God chooses to ignore me (us)
bridgett Dec 2018
it dimmed my light
it made me lie
it made me say things
i would've never said
it made me wish that i was dead
summing up everything, i'm barely alive
i'm nothing but a walking frame
i never have anything left to say
all my interests are consumed
by keeping track of my intake
keeping track of my weight
keeping track for my sanity's sake
but that's one more thing to keep me awake
and i don't know how much more of it i can take
Dec 2018 · 187
a lil intro
bridgett Dec 2018
she/her
i'm a huge reader
i'm 17
my favorite color is green
and i **** at poetry
(and in general, at writing)
and i love binge watching documentaries
my favorite drink is sweet tea
i'm a virgo
i'm obsessed with that 70's show
and jenna marbles
Dec 2018 · 269
intrusive thoughts
bridgett Dec 2018
I had another daydream, more like a nightmare, an awful
thought
I was in the middle of driving, the instructor had to correct me a lot.

Behind the wheel, my hands were stiff and my knuckles were white
I ****** the car to the left, hitting everything and every car in
site

Hoods hit the ground, tumbling and
rolling
Our lives, even mine, began
unfolding

I thought about teeth crunching, bones
shattering
I thought about the veins exploding, blood
splattering

I thought about my skull between metal, all being
crushed
I saw myself in the mirror, not seeing someone I can
trust.
Dec 2018 · 303
i couldn't sleep
bridgett Dec 2018
Tonight i cannot sleep
I could always blame the caffeine

I could blame it on the promises
I want to try and keep

My life has changed for the better
Quite sudden and abruptly
being a senior *****. i don't know what i'm doing or where i'm going. but things are also getting pretty okay. i told my parents about a person i really love and care about and they're meeting this person on different days, but it's all good. things are good.
Dec 2018 · 160
getting hurt just sucks
bridgett Dec 2018
and when the rain fell, it flooded
when the sun shone, it burned
she tried to fix people and never learned,
people can just get up and leave, hurt can be so sudden.
bridgett Dec 2018
I don't want to panic when things begin to fall apart
I want to pick things back up, but I don't know where to start

I'm starting to wonder if you can hear my whispering prayers
Or if they just get muffled and drowned out by the layers
          Of the atmosphere and space
          Or if I've fallen too far from grace

I wonder if heaven's just a foreign place
          I'll never get to embrace
bridgett Dec 2018
"I want the leaves ripped from the trees
I want to hear the wind howl and scream"
Glass can shatter from the windows
Books can fly and flee from shelves
"As long as I keep my eyes closed-"
(Maybe nothing will happen,
Maybe someone will help)
"We won't be able to save ourselves"
Freezing bullets of rain will pelt us
Thunder will clatter and make our hearts race
Some kids won't make it onto the school bus
Some will climb on with scratches and new blood on their face
Shield children's eyes from busted brains and gore
sprawled and scattered and smeared across the floor
Hands inside trembling hands with clenched shut eyes
as the teacher leads through the gruesome scene
Number five tripped on a crushed arm, belonging to a child that lied
on the floor. She scrubbed her hands and body, but never felt clean
Students mourned the loss of peers
Peers mourned the loss of parents
and no one to calm and dry their tears
while others or friends or siblings' prayers flood their scared and heartbroken ears

— The End —