You used to believe in dragons, when you were young. Used to make them come to life. After midnight, silent keyboard tapping built entire worlds.

Up the stairs of your own building where they also always lived. Almost shaking grabbing keys, unlocking doors and switching lights on. Attic smells as you puzzle boxes out of way, in the corner, dark and barely lit. You grab the right one. You sit. Leaning against dusty walls. Get comfortable.

With almost reverence you untie strings holding cardboard closed. Not opened since, since you were there, with them. With your hands, carefully flattening, every yellowed piece of paper.

You read. Some out loud. You know them. Never really forgot. Some read walking back and forth. Some softly sung. Some tugging on old scars. Some naively loving in a way you wish you could. Some screaming to be loved in a way they didn’t know they would.

You hold them to you. Wipe tears, old and new. The worlds you built once. Undeserving. You’ll take them with you.

You used to believe in dragons. Now you believe in you.

images of people
are always limited
reality always messier
than one photograph
no matter how well portrayed
messiness never shown
and chaos never imagined
as any more real than
a temporary state
of the journey to the real goal

true connection
nothing to be dismissed
as much as any force fed image
of its nature is
the all consuming something
more and less tangible than reality
no more than a lie to keep us trying
no consumer motivated reason
for the constant sandpaper
to ourselves
will make it less of a betrayal
to that childhood dream

one day, I will not fear
one day, who I am will be seen
one day, what is my good
will be appreciated
as much as I am able
to imagine and more

if only I am able to not be myself

when all is said and done
and all has been resolved
there is the ease of resolution
no more tears to bawl

all is said and done
all the words were said
all the questions asked
all the pain been bled

now you go on living
get back to your life
pretend that nothing happened
ignore the scars, there was no knife

and when you think you’re able
when at last, you’re back to you
there is the faint remembering
you realise you’ve been lied to

the cuts were self inflicted
that’s what you’ve been told
the boiling water poured on you
had no intention to ever scold

but there was a knife and there was water
unfamiliar knife rack and a kettle
in your home they’re not, mental images
held by hands not yours, unsettle

it doesn’t matter anymore
not relevant the truth was spun
you’re meant to have moved on
when all is said and done

some words only some will hear
colours only some will see
faces in the crowd will know
those with hands that speak
words only some will hear

a constant on the tip of tongue
in the back of mind
always smelling something there
a faint remember when

whispered songs around me
always dancing, restless
dreaming what could be
with glass shards stuck in my feet
breaking through skin, potential
of the only real unknown

all that’s there of me
red trampled footsteps left behind
hearing music all around me
feeling out of my mind

a shout, a whisper, siren song
a wish, a curse, to belong

broken shards from inspiration
long since forgot
grabbing them from broken soles
knowing what they are

stories wanting to be told
with words only some will know

If only I could talk to you
                        I'm here
If only I knew what to say
                        Anything
I don’t know what to do
                        No need
I just want you to stay
                        I'm here

If only I could read your mind
                        Ask anything
never know what words to use
                        I'll tell you
You've always been so kind
                        So have you
Maybe I'm just too bruised
                        I'm here for you

I’d like to tell you how I feel
                        I hear it
how much you've helped me heal
                        I'm proud of you
tell you what you mean to me
                        I feel it
send my thoughts and make you see
                        I love you too

I wish I could be better for you
                        You are enough
be what you deserve, every day
                        You are everything
there is nothing I wouldn't do
                        Nothing needed
If only there was a way
                        I just need you

I owe so much already
                        Nothing to repay
I put it all on you, leaned heavily
                        I'm here for it
You carried it all somehow
                        Because I love, it's easy
But I’m scared to be myself now
                        I'm sorry

I found such comfort on your skin
                        I found comfort in you
Forgiveness in your touch
                        Nothing to forgive
It's why it feels like such a sin
                        Nobody is perfect
To be too much
                        I want all of you

It seems to all go wrong
                        If only we could talk
you, halfway out the doorway
                        We'll figure out what to say
I don't want to string you along
                        I don't know what to do
I’ll just stay away
                        I just want you to stay