I lost my innocence
Beside railroad tracks
And learned my love
Of - why? - when I
Watched the train go by.

I like walking in the
Middle of the road when
The stop lights suddenly
Look like stars and I
Can watch the smoke of my
Cigarette carry every word
I was never able to say.

I always hope for rain.
I pretend I'm being washed
By all the tears of the moment,
If only to comfort the outcry
By soaking it into my skin.

I try to picture myself
On top of the wet pavement,
But all I can see is the reflection
Of the sky. How funny it seems
When looking down.

I haven’t touched another guy since alex….
I never really thought I would
well not for some time.
I went on a few dates ….even tried it again with alex but knew none of these boys did I want my lips to touch with. 

Until you….

I let you kiss me…
again…
and again….
and then again when you pushed me against my car….
then again when you pushed me down inside my car….
then when I said wait and you said okay It felt good.
I felt everything in my stomach unclench and every wall come down and I thought I would finally be okay 

For that feeling I lied 

For that feeling I entered another bedroom basement

For that feeling I laid in your bed

for that feeling I let myself go

Then you dismissed me….I became a *****…to dramatic…blowing up your phone….annoying you…because clearly you had so much to do that didn’t involve me. 

But each time when I had you between my lips….you had the time to kiss me over and over
you didn’t find me dramatic or ****** with your ****
stuffed down my throat
But I guess once you got what you wanted I was no longer something you wanted to deal with…