my name's on the gold card she said
membership went straight to her head
told her *******
turned into a cough
smiled, said thank you instead

silence
three quarters up
an excuse to leave behind
what i felt is worth
leaving this silence to forget itself
to forget that i ever
once wanted a smooth path
bricks lain out to find patterns
in the cracks

fine line balancing act
a liquor jar tight
rope around my neck
i see clearly
i see double and
i choose to grasp at
the reflection in the glass

my muse sinks to five times filtered depths
that twist lemon, orange, sugar rimmed
five times distilled,
filtered depths
that fill half empty
                                 gin blossoms
                                 dry on ice
                                 shaken not stirred
                                 bruised, black eye
                                 ****** smile
seductively pouring from throat
through keeping thoughts straight
burning time will keep my heart from freezing
standing still while
words escape
me.

living like goldfish, you do not understand that you can stop swimming

phoebe will remain my hostage until
four barrel's hipster overlords hear my plea
we're all made of sparkledust and turkish delight
and if you hate drinking sonoma butter and
having money, my doctor Archmage Overlord
said the the "happy drink" element you seek is
less like strong coffee and more like the invasion
of normandy with turkey slaughter in the background

kfc's new turkey flavored chicken tried looking
for drugs in the neighborhood but
timothy leary, his suave excellency, sheik knight of nee
abstained from the devil's coffee with headaches and brain fog
anyway, that's why i attacked the
complimentary peanuts and russian balloon juice

FURIOUS POSTSCRIPT

"no one can understand the truth until
he drinks of the feline's frothy goodness"

when you catch yourself staring out the window

eyes tracking snowflakes. counting the seconds.

searching for meaning in seasonal change

looking for patterns spiraling in any direction but
                                                                ­                                down

seeing the sky’s just ******* hallmark card covers

when it’s half past one and you’re

wishing
wishing
wishing for

that snow

to bury

the campus. the people. the ******* assignments.

in something so cold it stings your fingers into feeling
enough to dig out of self-inflicted snow drifts

in something so bright and white that it
washes the grey stains from your eyes

when you let it go let it go let it go
and sit on the slushy side walk – only frozen
but without the ******* feel-good Disney songs
that happily work out ever after
in the happiest place on earth
when you don’t even care enough to finish the poem.

don’t.

In Spain -
where cheese-making stretches back
to centuries
is a medium sized lump of
Sweet ******* Christ

blessed is the ******
whose womb merited to carry
our small herd of
hand-milked cows
providing milk, cheese, butter, and ice

and to Christians,
the lamb is the symbol of when
the pope and all the christian leadership
will be succeeded by
Moo Jesus

The Good Shepard draws not milk
not liquid from his sheep
but
an overview over Greek pagan
and Christian pastoral deities

then Christ went and
made the exorcism and
he sold in town all his
rriegitha cheese, his curds, his milk

I mentioned that The Green Sheep
had an ad coming out
in the body and blood of Christ
how could the shepherds resist
the temptation?

I was refusing the sacraments
mysticism is cheese
Christ is cheese
better still,
mountains of cheese!

Is your cheese killing the planet?
The Wedding of the Dead:
Celebration and Restraint
Christ stopped at Ebola

floating mid kitchen
with tiny bass beats
pulsing past plates
with orange razor lines
mixing to yellow green smoke
and swirling round my face
caressing touch
memory's ghost

focus needle sharp and glowing
piercing the rare white winter calm
of my mind at rest
like a ray of too bright to see sunlight
too hot to do anything but set
the edges of conscious thought ablaze
where they blacken and burn fast
curling inwards with steady flames
roiling over ashen fingers grasping at
the long forgotten Morpheus's throat
prying wide the sleeping god's eyes
fastened open by Prometheus's chains
Hades, Tartarus, eternal penance,
for bringing inspiration into this
dark human world
the price I paid in sleep for grades

it's during that awful time of semi-consciousness
while my mind is still riding that razor line
between this world and the one in my mind
where my soul lays bare to unflinching introspection
that my stomach clenches into a knot tied tight
my heart races then stops while lungs struggle for air
and every mistake i continue to make drags
their wretched ******* fingernails across my eyes
i recoil from my self sick of the battered skin i'm in
fighting the urge to choke on false hope and failing
while sickly sweet desperate promises for change
spill from my mouth like ***** past my cracked lips
and i know i'm still alive because i'm not dead yet

a slow death we've wished upon ourselves

frost like spirits our ancestors tread
floating on footsteps made of ash
while silently razors like ice slip
slowly over ignorant heads
blood is the currency red running
like rust
burnt to the faces of old gods and new
copper the taste of air
burned in june
earth tones speak of untold guilt

cars like comets roar past the
external edges of my solitary universe
while the circling bands of introspection and selfishness
obscure my point of view
the cold stone steps bring steadfastness and strength
while peaceful acceptance governs my mind.
living in the present brings presence and power
the grass is cool green and soft with dew

the river flows swift
flanked by mossy monoliths
a single yell, splash

anger strikes like lightning but
thunder claps leave me confused

music on nights like these
let me close my eyes and
see you by my side with
a smile on your face
lost in the way the beats flow  

I'm not just dreaming          

on nights like these

my heart feels

complete.

do you know what it's like
to be bone dry thirsty
with every shimmering drink
at your eager fingertips
all there calling for just
                                             a sip
but this drink will slow you
and this helps to forget
while after a wetter while
the next one becomes daily  
                                                   habit
so you sit in the sand    
and suffer cracked lips
a peeling parched throat  
and the frayed ends of
                                            wit
fighting the urge of
      one
               little
                         sip

it doesn't seem that i can get high enough
                                                                          or low
to find a reason for b r e a k i n g this cycle
                                                        cycle          cycle
                                                                  cycle
of trying to become drinking buddies with my demons
or unconscious of the fact that i'm slowly letting my passions
                                               die.
i'm empty
on the ins
ide but at
least i loo
k ok.

a grey and orange ghost
slips unfettered between
this world and
a quiet place
of muted shadows
hidden
until eyes like marbles
blink into existence
and my cheshire kitten
slinks into my room
with no more whisper
than silk on glass
liquid

acid flashback in the trees
         frenzied branches feathered leaves
swaying seizing in the breeze
           forming shapes that his mind sees
scattered thoughts attention free

dreaming for her wild
curvy moonlight flesh, hellbent
his touches consume

water rides across her lips
eyes obey dripping but dead

I wish to gaze upon the unbound moon
floating freely above the night sky
from the secret spot inside my room
with wonder filled unblinking eyes

to whisper with the rustling leaves
and learn secrets of the forest old
caressed by the cool north breeze
enchanted by the stories told

I want to love with all my heart
the beauty found in nature's way
live every way to do my part
and treasure every sacred day

a constant fight against the mind
it lasts the whole night this time
may I be struck emotionally  blind
while trying to forget the rhyme
and reason caused gears to grind
I swear to god I'm ******* fine
I yell stumbling through this mine-
field of flaws, dozens for a dime
while my heart can't help but pine
for future love I have yet to find

it only takes a cold winter night
to remind me of the lost warmth
between two encompassing arms
a comforting circle of nostalgia
that only exists in memory and motion
sweet soft lips ghost memory of this
spent an eternal life seeking moonlight
to spend soft silver silk caressing the
heart of another soul; betray by kiss
and let me know by the swaying of
your hips that you found another lover
in the midst of all this mist

a halo of expanding hopes, dreams, and life

a crimson teardrop, tribute to the fallen one's strife

encircles the head of an angel without wings

a splash of color to these dark streets it brings



porcelain skin, cold as the night's bitter kiss

spiderwebbed with cracks, seeping cool mist

this angel was once a most beautiful thing

bright cut emerald eyes, hair black like raven's wing



the angel in past had lived, loved, and laughed

how tragic this scene, that it could not last

for the angel dreamed flying, to touch the moon

but these dreams awoke jealousy, plotting, and doom



you see, in the city where this angel did live
i
t was mechanical, heartless, and did not forgive

run by the hateful human machine who could not fly

confined to the earth in a rage it would cry



"who is this angel to be different from us?!"

hate did consume it like mechanical rust

it sought a way to grind her into the gears of the machine

"since she is not like us, we'll **** her will to dream"



with that they commenced to wicked dark things

captured the angel and cut off her wings

broken and torn, they left the angel to the dust

content to proclaim "she is now just like us"



but the angel could never assume human form

unable to fly, she could not weather this storm

the moon in the night sky, silver and fair

taunted her mind, dreams turned to nightmare



confined to the ground, humanity rotted her mind

great beauty now gone, with decay left behind

lost to the madness, driven to the edge

the angel, a mere shadow, stepped to the ledge



porcelain skin, cold as the night's bitter kiss

spiderwebbed with cracks, seeping cool mist

the angel looked to the moon, once loved, in the sky

stepped forth, and though wingless, for a moment could fly



for though the hateful human machine

had taken her will to live, love, and dream

it could never break her call to be free

the angel found an escape from this cruel place to be

my vices are devices to make myself stop
thinking of every which way life can go wrong
not to get ****** up funny it seems but to
try and live a happier life a better mind yet
at the rate I'm going it won't matter that I
don't remember my Saturday nights because
I'll be done by Sunday and my fears will be
put to bed

I am terrified
not for the first time
do you love this boy?

voluptuous round
satin soft silky *****
******* i need laid

i spent hours looking at engagement rings
trying to find the perfect one for you
imagining just how big your smile would be
when you found out it was true
best friends till the end and even then
our interests would carry on through
i'm living three years in the future
with love and best regards perfect pairs come in two

the green fairy visits
if only for a night
to soothe this troubled mind
and take away the strife
the minty taste of spearmint
and peculiar taste of fennel
play of tongue and mind alike
in passing and in action
a quick spirit burn and
the blurry edge of truth
shine a light on my emotion
and pass a pass for you

the price we pay for beauty
sown in sweat and blood
etched upon our living skin
the uncomfortable art of
passion raw red will power
to sit and let it burn

I...
     think...
                 I...
                      like...
                              
crazily chasing concocted crushes
however hasty high hopes
earnestly entangled erstwhile enthusiasm
left languishing limp lethargic
suddenly soundless stupidly selfish
every emotion enviously expectant
an abject apology absent

purposeful pleasure purportedly posed
unearthed unhealthy ungainly uncertainties
devouring devotion disgracing dogma
an accident awaiting arrival

coy verbal foreplay
tastefully twisting two tongues
risque rhythm ...                          breathe