One of the most unbearable pains is needing to cry but never being able to.

You are what i have always wanted
You wear the face i wish to have
You live the life i work so hard for
You love someone who loves you

You are carefree and strong willed
You fit into clothes i'll never be able to
You make anything look achieveable
You laugh so easily

And

You dont even know it

For the first time in a long while
Today i smiled the first real smile

loving you did hurt,
but I didn't know it would
cost me my own heart

11:06 PM
12/6/19

You’re going to feel
that feeling again because
you’re going to fall in love again-
the only difference is that next time
the feeling is going to
last forever.

I can’t help but remember the night where everything ended.

The make up running down your face.
The clocking stating that it’s 2 AM.

The door of my cheap apartment room closing as I watched you left.

It’s 2 years later and I’m still in the same apartment room.
Instead of me remembering,
I drink and I forget.

But I slowly begin to realize.
That everything...
S t a r t s

To go

b
     l

ur

      ry

And I can’t seem to put the pieces back together.
I wake up and it’s all bleak.
It hits me like shattered glass.
It comes in fragments.

But I’m okay with this.

Because I remember the night it all ended.

Your makeup running down your face.
The clock stating that it’s 2 AM.

You leaving my cheap apartment.
And me staying there.
Just to stay.
And think.
And believe.
And hope.
That someday.
You would finally come home.

a deep long lust
followed by a deep long kiss
followed by a deep long sigh