it were the dreams in which I was living that made me wanna die

the summer was ending and the cold of the winter was filling my veins
you were leaving my mind like the sun was leaving my dying fantasy..
I am getting older everyday and everyday I need a little bit more *****
running away with you, the person I adore most was all I ever wanted

and every night before I fall asleep I aks myself.. why don't you love me
why don't you have the need to touch me, to share your deepest secrets
you were mysterious like the moon, like the meaning of my tattoo's..

there always was a path of light were you have walked
the riddels you spoke, your angelic voice that haunts me everyday
but you also were dark my dear, dying and hopeless

it felt like flying everytime we kissed, I was happy, you made me happy
but I was fragile, a daughter of the dark, the keeper of sadness, demons
eleven years old when everything went wrong and it all is still wrong
the voices in my head would never let me out of this cage, trapped

september was coming and the clouds coverd my sight of happiness
it was a long way to find a way out of this dark and ****** up forest

and so she died at age seventeen, the graveyard never was this pretty
the stars of the heavens and their constellations didn't shine their light
there were flowers laying on the girl her grave, all grey, black, dying

it was the perfect night to share your tears with the world, so we did

it were the city nights I fell for, the cheap parfume you smelled like

if life was for the living and living was for the dead
than what is the space inbetween.. hate and love are not the same thing
and maybe a long time ago someone should have told me that

feeling like an outcast was like sitting in a train with no destination
you always felt useless, rain was falling that day, like it always did
the times when she was sad, she was so miserable, she felt nothing.

the childeren of the light always were afraid of the darkness
we were never afraid of the darkness because so far as we knew
we were the dark, the kids to be afraid of, the bad youth, the wolves

nobody ever wanted us and thats why all we ever had was each other
and the rockstars who sang along the broken words of songs with us
the tragic melodies were the only sort of comfort I found at night..
when you my bestfriend just as wasted as I am was sleeping..
I needed them, my idols, their voices, the music, to keep me breathing

and maybe we lost her that night for a reason wait no many reasons
it was all meant to be, the shouting and crying, the need to die..
it was a bigger part of our lives, all of that than she will ever be

the girls who had to much alcohol in their blood at night, to much fun
were also the girls who cried to many tears at daylight, to much sadness
we never knew how to handle ourselves, just seeking for aception..
a person who would give a **** about us, someone who would care

life was sad darling, you were so sad, I was so sad, everything was sad
but all the sadness never stopped us from having an amazing time
we needed each other to be happy, I needed you so much..

now it is just us again, you and me against the world
and I think it will always be just you and me, just us
and for me that is okay

because I wouldn't want to make all these memories, these adventures
with anybody else but you, my bestfriend, my sister, my everything.

I was never good at writing love poems untill I met you

we all have this one person you would do anything for, like anything
you could die for that other human without hesitation, without doubt

they know each other for almost a year now and a lot had changed
she fell in love with her that year and it killed you inside, everything
she wanted to give up on her so many times, it was so so hopless
and I knew, I knew you loved me, I knew you were in love with me

maybe she was just afraid to let someone in, to let someone love her
it was the darkness that was always haunting her, the demons inside
I remember the first time the razors kissed my veins, it was a thursday
I remember the blood and the crying, the shame and the crying, crying

it were the wodka and punk rock music the piercings and tattoos
the time of high wasted jeans and timberlands, red lipstick and eyeliner
the stories the kids told on the street were probably made up, fake
even the broken childeren needed a laugh once in a while, fake
nobody thought that we also deserved to be happy, just for once..

we could blame it on the internet or television, the time we live in
blame our parents for not loving us the way they should love us
the pills we ate every night just to find a way to escape this **** hole

this girl always made feel a little bit more alive but now she's gone
she's gone and I know she is coming back soon but she feels gone
like that part of me that was made for her is gone, I feel alone again
music is filling the hole what is left crying in my heart, my soul

and if I begged you would you stop this, the feeling of loneliness
can you stop me from hurting myself, stop me from being worthless
happy endings are made for happy people, I am not getting one, ever

I always was a sucker for attention and cheap love, dont blame me

love poems aren't a thing for me.

the lights went off and the music began to play louder
there was alcohol everywhere and the feeling of living faded
being numb was the only thing every single teenager was craving for

and if I said I would miss you I would be lying
and if I told you the truth oh girl you would be dying

this love was special, this love was rare, not like the other summer
it seemed to good to be true and I started to realize I didn't deserve
your kisses, your hugs, the way you held my hand while walking

playing games with the hearts of the people I love most, it was wrong
dancing in the dark with demons, the devil was calling my name, love
I never was afraid of the things normal people would be afraid of, never

it was on a sunday when I realized this had to stop sooner or later
you were way too precious to let a broken soul ruin your beautiful heart
it was the way she looked at me at night when the moon was full, bright
it made me question everything I ever believed in, was it worth it all.

remember that night when we were dancing darling, drunk and happy
I want you to remember those nights when I am leaving tomorrow
the sun is calling my name, the adventure of the unknown, I want it
I need to get out of this city, this life and this world, Im going crazy

depression was a thing no one did and no one will ever understand
and that is okay we don't need to know everything, but let me be
I need to deal with this emotions my own way, the darkness, demons

believe me there is going to be a day I will free from all of this ..
but this is not my time yet, let me be sad and angry and misunderstood

most teenagers just need a hug..
I need an escape.

maybe you defined love as a thing no one could have but you

everyday I felt a little bit more trapped and I longed for my freedom
last week I met a man he gave me back everything I was missing
the air was so thick when I was around you, I needed to breath, the air

she wrote poems about you the way I used to do, poems about love
she saw everything in you as beauty there was a time I saw it too
the way you made me laugh and cry, I wanted nothing but her

and maybe deep in my heart I knew it was wrong, it was all wrong
I was like this girl from the movies , a paper girl in a paper town
getting away from everything I started here was my only option

so maybe this is a goodbye to everyone or maybe a hello

the thing is maybe life hasn't a meaning and it's not all about being
being beautiful, being smart, being different, it's not about all of that

things have meanings but meanings dont always have things.

there once was a girl who was scary and sweet
her name was Mathilda, she was the voice in my head

she told me stories about demons and the dark
things that I needed to do before she would leave me alone

cut a little deeper, no one will care about your wounds
eat a little less, no one will notice when you lose some more weight
speak a little softer, no one wants to hear your voice cracking the air

her name was Mathilda and I used to be afraid of her
she would force the broken kids to commit suicide, death
but I know Mathilda was just lonely and needed a friend, like me

trapped by demons like the little girl in me, afraid and dying
angels sang me to sleep every night and I prayed they would save you
it was my dream that you would be free and we could be sisters, family

there always was this part of me that missed you when you were gone
I know you killed yourself years ago, that you were just like me
but darling everytime you visit me in the summer, the lovely days
I just can't handle seeing you go again, die like you did that winter

the pictures of you hanging with a rope on your neck, the blood
you always counted the scares on your wrist, they were ugly you said
I always thought they were beautiful, just like the way you smiled

you always were so so wonderful with your broken blue eyes

Dear Mathilda, my darling, I love you.

maybe she was cursed to live like this

feeling all alone and left out in a world filled with love and happiness
the angels won't hear you crying when you are locked up in the hell
they aren't there to save you once again because you ****** up again
or maybe this was all her own little stupid fault, her mistake, blame me

nights like this I shouldn't be drinking, not even one glass
it makes me think things I dont wanna think, do thing I dont wanna do
I shouldn't have taken this so far and maybe you were right in the end
doing the things I did never made my life any better it made it worse

she always thought wolves were the most beautiful creatures
they would cry there whole life for something they could never touch
the wolves always reminded her of when she was just a little girl
she always cried for attention, from anyone but she could never touch

and now 6 years later she is sitting on the ground thinking about
who she was back than and how far she have come
that she could live a beautiful life with this never ending curse
that she needed to accept that the sadness will always haunt her.

the demons made her strong and dark
but now its time to follow the river of light.

last night it was exactly a year ago it happend
there were sad words leaving my pencil, I wrote a letter
a letter to say goodbye to everyone who once loved me or didn't

I was dancing with the demons in my mind, it was good
I was singing songs with my shadows, songs with the broken ones
and the devil was watching me from a close distance

my socks were ***** and the ***** bottles were empty
I don't even remember what happend to me that night

all I wanted was to create art when I woke up that morning
drowing in pain and tears, I wanted to make a painting
a painting with sad colors, like grey and black and navy blue
a masterpiece filled with my blood, my pain, my empty emotions

it were the pills I swallowed that night to keep me from falling appart
it were the blades rushing over my veins that made me feel alive
all these lose things, all these things, the visions of monsters, the pain
all the tears I cried that night, the alcohol I drank to keep me calm

but still it was your beautiful smile that haunted me, killed me
your pretty eyes and wonderful angel face that made me wanna live
you were all I could think of from the moment we first met, forever

it was you and only you.

they say that time heals wounds
but I found out creating my own wounds
heal alot more than time could ever do

that morning there was blood on my sheets
that night I cried a thousand tears on my pillow

sad kids walking the streets these days
their arm filled with beautiful scars

and for the first time I found comfort in having my demons near me
I found a little bit of my home back in this darkness, this is a part of me

birds they are flying, the sun is shining
everything around me is slowly dying

the party was getting started and all I wanted was to get away
I wanted to run away from all these dancing, drunken youngsters
I remember this night so clearly, the music was so so loud

oh pretty darling here we are again
lying on the floor with demons whispering things
telling you stories about blood and death, terrible things

they will say that all of this is your own fault
so please don't tell a single soul about what you did last night

I made a mess again,
please help me to clean it up this time.