I'm numb
Everything around me doesn't feel real
Everyone around me doesn't feel real
I'm so extremely exhausted of everything that I have no clue how much longer I can take
It's hard to believe that "It gets better"
I'm numb
I'm tired
I just want to be gone
-te

Numb* from the *Memories
Memories of pain
Memories of sorrow
Memories of regret

Numb from Society
A Society of conformists
A Society of insecurity
A Society of restlessness

Numb from Love
Deceitful love
Temporary love
Inadequate love

Numb from *You

The thought of losing you used to scare me.
Now I just feel numb.

someday
will you walk into
my room
lie on my bed and
stare at the ceiling i stare at
every night

smell the
mishmash of
stale perfumes
on my clothing

play my guitars
read my books
touch my walls
clutch the afghans
i made in your
tight fists

and
cry?

or will you think
that somebody
made a mistake
and that mistake
wasn't me
leaving
but was you
staying?

We've been
Through a lot
You and me
Best friends for
How long?
Over ten years
And that's at
Eighteen.

Last week
You told me
That if you had
All the money
In the world
And could give me
Anything
You would buy me two corgis
Because that's what
I deserved.

But if I
Could give you
Anything

I would give you back
Every tear
You ever
Considered crying
Whether or not
It actually fell
All sealed up in a
Case of fancy glass
Bottles
For you to toast with
At your pleasure.

And I would find every
Single
****
Person
Who ever
Hurt you
And make them
Feel pain
Kick them
Directly through the
Stratosphere and leave
Them to die
Choking
From a lack of
Oxygen
On the moondust
Of who you
Would have been
Without their hands
Around your neck.

I would
Wind the clock
Backwards
Fast forward through
Your entire
Missed
Childhood
And find some kind
Of cosmic compensation
Celestial retribution
For every lost
Second
Every tainted
Home movie that
Still plays
On the screen
Of your eyelids
At night.

Speaking of night
I would hand you
Every sleepless
Hour
You ever lived through
Refund the three a.m.'s
You gambled
And lost to
Anxiety
Smooth away
The tiredness
Soaked into
Your very
Existence.

And I would hurl
Every
Last
*******
Lie
You ever believed
About yourself
Down into the
Hellfire and brimstone
Where it came from.

Because all you ever
Deserved
Was peace of mind.

You didn't even turn around to look back
You didn't even turn , to watch me crying.

and now when I turn around to look back,
Everything you said , was A LIE

The desire to be close to someone
From this point onwards,
Things change,
The man and the woman come into play
But what happens before
the attraction that brought them together
Is impossible to explain.
                   *It is untouched desire in its purest state

A smile can hide a thousand tears
It can hide all your pain throughout the years.
It can keep dark secrets down in the dark
It can help two people make a spark
It can make your heart hurt and sting
It can make your broken soul sing
It can make you feel whole again
It can make you feel like you did back then.
What people hide behind their smile you'll never know.
For they won't let their true feelings show.

Sweet words are nothing.
Words so empty, and fruitless.
No "sweetheart" will fix it.

How can your words still hurt me?
After all, you deserted me.
Time and, time again.

Do you feel like a man?
With my clothes tossed in trash bags.
When you're tossing me out, like the garbage you never throw out.

Do you feel like the man?
When you scream my worthless life lies in your hands.
Wrecking every defense I have put up.

How dare you wonder why I'm so messed up?
Jumping at every shout.
The shivers when I greet authority.

The name calling never gets old.
The words ring in my head like a catchy song.
The shouts echo in my brain.

You wanted to break me.
Wounding me so emotionally.
Scarring me like a ghost haunting me.

Don't try and play daddy.
Now that I have disappointed you.
You're too late.

Remember when you told me?
How you hoped I ended up in a wooden crate.
That's the night you really left me.

Do you feel like the man now?