been through too much,

dealt with too little.

it’s you.
the forbidden one that i’ve always been told is bad for me.
it’s you.

you are the reason i’ve hit my rock bottom.
my mother tells me i’m not the same.
i wish i could hit rewind back to autumn.

before i ever got addicted.
i never would’ve even considered you.
it’s almost as if this whole thing was scripted.

call me crazy but i don’t think i’ll ever get over you.
you’ve taken too much control.
i wish this whole situation wasn’t true.

i’m addicted to a drug.
but the drug is a human,
and the human is you.

i don't think i've truly accepted the fact that the people around me affect me so greatly. i am not me because of me; i am me because of my past and my present.

none of us are purely ourselves. we have our own opinions and our own way of seeing and wording things but we are all different pieces of different people put together.

maybe my thoughts are overwhelming me. maybe i'm looking too deep into things. all i know is that i don't really know me. i guess no one truly does.

i still check in on you after months of not having talked to you.

i'm still trying to break the habit of texting you after a really hard day.

people tell me about how you posted yourself crying on your story and i have to fight the urge to ask you if you need someone to rant to.

i miss talking to you and hearing about how your day was.

i miss you.

but i'm okay for now.

i'm overwhelmed. overworked. under appreciated.

the work of people like her goes unnoticed. she feels as if everyone's under the spell of a lotus. all she wishes is that everyone could focus.

focus on the ups and the downs. the ins and the outs.

the work of people like her goes unnoticed.

being alone makes me realize that i’ve never actually ‘dealt with it’

sure, i’ve had good days but when it comes down to it; i go to bed at night, and i think. i think about what we could’ve been if we never stopped. maybe i overreacted?

but then i remember, you’ve done nothing but backstab people. you’ve done nothing but hurt. i was nothing but good to you and you still repaid me with breaking my heart and my trust.

so ******* for ever making me happy and making me believe that you cared. because you never did, and that’s something i have to deal with.

i hope that one day i'll be able to say that i'm finally over you and the heartache that you caused and continue to make me feel

you treated me like ****, even in my moments of weakness and the fact that it took such a toll on me that it made me want to change myself for some ******* like you makes me feel nothing but disappointment in myself

because fact of the matter is, you have never and will never deserve someone like me

and i can only hope that you get what you deserve.