It still terrifies me when I remember
the moment I swore I would never believe
anyone who said they loved me ever again

At the end of the day, as I lie here
with my pillow soaking wet with tear stains,
words are just meaningless fragments,
and lately I've been feeling like a malnourished plant
desperate for a drop of hope amidst a barren desert

Even though the wounds you caused on my heart
have aged into stronger scars,
I still stand with clenched teeth and a weak stomach
whenever another boy with pretty eyes tells me
I'm his everything

I miss being the bright-eyed girl
who reeked of confidence and wasn't afraid to accept affection
with open arms rather than always keeping them crossed.
I miss feeling invincible, like my heart was unbreakable,
instead of hearing the monotone thump
of what used to live in it

But most of all, what I miss the most
is waking up every day without having to wonder
if your eyes have found someone else's.
I wonder if holding her hand makes your jigsaw heart feel complete.
I was convinced that I was your missing piece,
but I haven't felt whole in the longest time.

Missing you seemed like the biggest mistake I had ever made,
but as I sit here feeling broken and utterly irreparable,
like the frail skeleton of someone I used to be,
I'm starting to think that perhaps,
My biggest mistake was giving away all the love I had stored inside of me
to someone who never even tried to love me
in the first place.

I remember the day you left me as vividly as yesterday
and how I tried to memorize every detail of your face
when we said goodbye, as if I would never see it again,
because I wasn’t sure if I would be able to live
not being able to remember the person I called my home

I used to think of you as my oxygen,
as tightly-sewn thread,  holding me together,
as a half-finished love story,
you were always something that I swore
I couldn’t live without,
you were always the reason I woke up
every morning feeling brand new,
and I wasn’t even sure life would be worth living
without you

but the clock kept on ticking without you by my side,
and I’m learning to let go, you beautiful creature,
I am still learning,
but one day I will understand
and although my heart still stings when I read your letters,
and even though I feel a pang of emptiness
when the air gets cold and I remember
everything about you,

I am learning how to forget you,
we will always be words left unsaid
but maybe things are better this way
(I will live without you)

you say you're addicted to my kisses and when i cry to you you hold me and i know you'll never let go.

your warmth has spread throughout me and thawed my icy interior.  

your persistence scares away my sadness, while your laugh keeps me going and your smile keeps me steady.

i'm selfish enough to keep you to myself and you're selfless enough to let me and sometimes i get a little too upset, but you say it's okay because you get it.

god knows i'm trying for you and i can tell you know too. you've replaced my broken pieces with something better and you're willing to struggle to keep it all together

and i could push you away a million times and you'd come back a million and one more.

i love you more than i love myself and i know nobody will love you like i do,
but of all the people you could've fallen in love with, i apologize that it was me.

I remember the you
That you used to be
Do you remember who
I was when I was me?
I forgot the truth
Of when you were true
I forget even more
Like when I was too

Do you remember?
That one late night?
You said you loved me
And it felt so right.
I believed you
Thought it couldn't be better
Then just you and me
In love and lust together
But you lied
I still don't know why
Then I cried
And you said goodbye

That was really me
The me that was with you
Now I'm damaged
I'm not sure what to do

That wasn't the real you
Not the man I knew
He wouldn't have left me broken
He was honest and true
What happened to you?

The truth?
You probably don't even know
You've always been confused
You don't even realize
**What happened to you....

You.
You are what once stayed my hand from rage.
You once blocked my lips from every bottle,
with your lips.
You are what once prevented tar from coating my lungs,
and you kept hate from filling my heart.
You once prevented my untimely demise.
You.
You are now every punch I throw and take in return,
You are every ounce of liquor that filters through my kidneys.
You are now every carcinogen I too often inhale,
You still keep my heart from hate,
Because you filled it to bursting with sorrow.
You are what I now follow to my grave.
You.

Him
You can see he's broken
just by looking at his tired eyes
in the verge of tears
as he makes another hole in the wall
Tidal wave of emotions
he can't cope or come around
A certain expectancy
A hope that the future will be bright
But there's nothing else to hope for
when you are falling apart
Yet he brings himself together
Puts on that fake smile

Her
When the sun shines, oh so bright
not letting her hide from life
you can notice the pain, the deepness
in her seemingly fresh scars
She stares at her reflection
dreading everything she sees
Cursing under her breath
every cut, every scar, every slit
"I hate you", she mumbles
putting her makeup on
Not death, but life that scares her
Smile, even faker than before
Oh, dear warrior,
they will never know.