I light my smoke, as it all comes back to me
My ex was here, right there, beside me
Beers and red wine, will see

Cigarette time, passed bed time
We will see

He left

Some sense of wonder
Some sense of, if and when
He will ever ponder,
The fact,
That we belong

Because he knew my favourite song
And because we can tolerate us

Learn how to grow and uh
We found common ground
Between us
And how
We always seem to find
A little love between us

I use substances
To plan an escape
To run away
With not even moving

Turn off my mind
My brain gets loud
All the wrongs I have done
All the times I was let down

I feel everything, and everything and everything

I leave these emotions, these pieces of my history
       Safe

Hidden behind, humour, hidden behind, lust, hidden behind, trust

I feel everything

And most of the time I want it to stop
And I fill up that cup
Take one more shot
Because everything I got

Reminds me of what I am not

The path has narrowed
And these tears haven't dried
You are different, the tide has changed its course

The second life, has hidden your true self and a mirror image has taken over
But it doesn't sound like you

My heart has experienced more anguish than love
My pain is deep, more than failed plans
Opposite *** oppositions

These scars are here, they don't show up in the notes
They just swim around in my mind
Front stroke, back stroke
Glass after glasses
I always look for you

But these etched patterns have cracked
The trace you left, is all but a big mess

And time is all over and over,
Rinse and repeat
Time is not forgiving

I'm on my own again

I get drunk to forget myself
And for a little while, pretend I am someone else
Tortured souls feel the most
And me myself and I, don't mean to boast
But I've seen all the coasts

Swallowing me up whole
Pretty words don't mean much when I constantly drink in the ugly
I used to think alone was better
That if I was the one to hurt me
It would feel better than leave myself open for someone to scar me

But the winter winds are blowing from the skies
And this autumn jacket lining is frail and thin

Sipping on bottles of reoccurring notions
Soaring through broken promises

Don't leave me lonely
One foot, another day
Once more, the hallowing wind

I am trying to sleep, but I can't sleep
My mind is caught up with the last words you said to me,
You put phrases into my mouth, words that were never said
Your tunnel vision has you confused and misled

I wish I could find humour in how you shifted
Changed the song and left me alone
Everyone leaves me in slime
To fight off the dogs with a dull knife
A stitched up heart muscle

I really never thought, you would be the one whose hands, the blood was on
I thought those couple hours I needed you would be enough
They would have

If you even bothered to show up

I can't remember when I starting running
Or what I was running from,
Just kept the earth under my feet
as I kept moving on

Be like the wind, go where you're blown too
Oh, twenty-five steps to the west,
I am bird without a sense of direction
Without a home, with no nest

Running away,
Saved me from loss and kept my self made wall intact
Only seeking solace from leather bound lines and spilt ink
When I look over my shoulder, nothing there, to look back at

These walls I have built, and these races I have run
Kept me safe from others,
Kept me whole, and running
Cities one right after the other

And now I am here, music for my heart
And words for my soul
Collecting memories I missed out on
And lovers that went wrong

Run,
I just run

It is funny how we can get to be ourselves with strangers
Our complete truest version of us
No guards up and no painted window panes
To be able to stare through, untainted reflections

Our deep dark secrets and or biggest fears
To confess them in rapid succession
And not feel the need to hold back

It is funny, how we need to hide away ourselves
From the ones who love and know us best
Constantly dancing around the fullest truth of truths

Strangers don't know us, nor do they probably even care
The obligatory third party
Just sit and listen

Let the masks drop, and the honestly flourish
Online profiles make for free therapy
And self awareness