I want to be wanted, not used.
But I won't be and that's all I'll ever be.

And when you left
I overwatered all your flowers

"When was the last time you felt happy?"
Well that's an unfairly complex question.
You see, happiness comes in two phases:
There's certain happiness and there's deceptive happiness.
I only know one, and that's where the problem lies.
Deceptive happiness is when you try with your utmost ability to smile, to laugh, to be happy because you genuinely want to, but the issue?
You've forgotten how.
You're forging complex scenarios, creating ideal circumstances, but you still feel sad.
So you smile, you laugh anyways because people do not understand what it feels like to never feel that way.
Do not tell me I'm depressed.
I'm lonely and heartbroken, and that is far worse.
So, do you see why I cannot answer that?
I can't because I haven't felt that way in a long time.
But you don't understand, you can't understand.
"I'm happy now."

If I had the nerve to tell you everything,
I wouldn't know where to start.
I could tell you that you're handsome,
You always are.
I could tell you that I love you,
But you already know that.
Maybe even the fact that you're my everything,
But you wouldn't believe me.

If I had the nerve to tell you everything,
I wouldn't know what to say.
How would I tell you how alone I've felt since you left,
Or how much I hate myself for falling short.
But most of all,
I'm afraid to tell you that I'm terrified we won't work.
I'm terrified to lose you.
I'm terrified that if we endure this distance and I'm denied again,
You'll move on.
You'll find someone better suited for you than I.
You'll stop loving me.

So, thats what I'd tell you:
I'd tell you that you're handsome.
I'd tell you that I love you.
I'd tell you that you're my everything.

If I had the nerve to tell you everything,
I wouldn't.
Because I don't.