We all have our regrets, and some things we can't forget,
But we throw the dice and pay the price of whatever happens next
Kinda like my first date, it was okay, to start with
I only wanted company, not "til death do us part" and it
Started slow, no real flow, until about a month
We would hang around each other and our hearts began to pump
Things were finally going somewhere, my hopes were looking up
To the point where every second missed would become too much
So yes I learned to love, and it burned a fire strong
We both called it "experiment" so we knew it all along
What started off slow and steady, would gain momentum
And at merely nine months in, would finally crash and burn
For a first shot, it went as smooth as it could get
But it would not be a sob story if I didn't have regrets
I never clarified with you the truth I only stuttered
Something about a burden, how it hurt, and I was flustered
So here's the nail in the coffin of what we became
I was there for you, to support you through, from start until the end
But at a five month milestone, I noticed your depression
It took a toll on you, but I was no exception
I've always been a loner with my problems in the corner
So when you stacked yours on top of mine, I thought "this is getting awkward"
"I got a lot of mine, and I tell her that I'm fine,
But now she wants to try some drugs, I think that's across the line"
At only aged fifteen, you told me your desire
To smoke away the night and day and drink fuel for the fire
I was really kinda stressed, always up late at night
I didn't wanna leave you but it seemed it was my pride
Telling me I could fix you, saying that I'm okay
But no man is an island, I could not find a way to stay
Never been religious, but to this very day
You cross my mind from time to time and I pray that you are safe
You see sometimes when I remember you I hate what we were
Because all I can reflect on is the pain and the hurt
Most of that came from afterwards, I set my anger on you
Because I felt I had been played, used and abused by
The rumours going round the school of myself and a "friend"
With benefits and that's the truth, apparently we had ***
Not the case, it's not okay, only two people knew
The reason I was so ****** was because I was convinced it was you
But I gotta say, well played, you got your boyfriend to call me
Moving on in just a few weeks, got him to confirm your story
Why could you not just say it? It made you seem so guilty
And all it ever did, was raise the hatred in me
Funny enough, after all that, you were the best ex
The other two, between me and you? Were really ill-met
The second would accuse me of pictures I never had
I even checked my galleries to be sure, ain't that sad?
She was insecure to a T and really couldn't trust me
I was being honest, she pursued it and then it hit me
"If this is the way it goes, then this never had hope"
She told me of her interest but after two months, she choked
Saying I never "got her" now that's not quite right
I merely had a higher understanding, and a sight
You see she was blind, could not leave her worries behind
And brought them to a relationship that was only doomed to die
And the third? Aha, I got with that friend
For all of eight days, what a shame, it was already dead
I never had that feeling for her, and when she came around,
My sister barely saw her, but hated the way she sounds
Its not that she's just bad, she's poorly directed
Quick to anger, gullible, your flaws made you defective
I remember back in year eight, you trusted your enemy
Over me, he said I called you fat, I never did, DONT QUESTION ME
I was loyal always, and that is how it started
Pretty much as soon as it began it had slanted
You said I never considered your feelings, and I suppose that's true
After all, I never thought to myself, "I'm in love with you"
You obsessed over me for FIVE YEARS, you see what turned me off?
Always wanting to hug me, when I just wanted you to get lost?
You can't respect my privacy, if I tell you something I tell YOU
Not for everyone around to hear about my TRUTHS
Lets not forget the fact that you're really quite petty
Remember our last texts, just last year, that you sent me?
I was in class, on my brothers anniversary
Ten years to that day, I wanted to mourn in peace
But I had maths to attend, I sat up the front
Then you texted me, asking if it was my best friend I'd ******
Still following a joke I made three months prior
I told you to let it go but you would not be quiet
So I let you in, on the joke, you would not believe
So I was telling you about how you should just leave me be
You went on to throw shade, calling me an *******
***** please, you know what this day MEANS TO ME, SO WHO'S THE *******?
That's what made me laugh, you thought you left me
Despite me making first moves, and so regretfully
I announce to my first ex, my failures thereafter
But now I've finally found peace, after all this disaster...
So I hope you're okay, and doing good in life
Hope you got the help you needed, to put down that knife
I hope you're healing up just fine, with eyes on the prize
Chase success, do your best, and for now I say goodbye...
Usually I hate the my ex girlfriends fully, but my first? It bothered me for so long, I never clarified anything, so here's my therapy. I'm finally letting go
This is the beat I will be rapping it over:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmSZ4ojcLFk