I see you
I see me
Not being chosen
I see you having more fun
I see you walk by in your seducing scarlet jumpsuit casuallly dismissing me
I see your lips with a dark shade of  maroon moving and not a single moment of silence
I see your hazel brown eyes not even glancing  towards me
I see the red-brown of your hair but they face me
I see your long silver earings dangling and shaking as you laugh
I see the golden bracelets in your hand  slide back as you tie your hair
I see you
I see me
                             All alone

Legs feel weaker
Eyes want to stay shut
It's like my body doesn't want to move anymore
Stop seeing anything but darkness
All my hurt and pain visibly coming out of me
One puke and tear drop at a time
My heart beats faster and faster as if wanting to complete all the beats it has remaining in this instant
I imagine this is what a robot experiencing a malfunction feels like
But then again, a robot can't feel anything
What I would give to be able to not feel anything right now
Or just be able to swtich off with the hit of a button

If you could look into my mind you would see thoughts of you all day long as if my spine is a never ending film reel of you.
If you could look into my heart you would see that you are the only one who resides in it. It's your fortress.
And if you could hear my heart beat a bit better you would not hear dub-lub but dub-love because love is all I have for you.
But you have always looked straight through me, haven't you?
And it was always me the one who was listening to you, wasn't it?

That guy has social anxiety
That guy has no friends
That guy is judged by his first impression
And it doesn't go further than that
Because that guy doesn't get a chance to portray who he is
That guy is an introvert
That guy is lonely and depressed
But to hide it he puts on so many facades for so many different people
That guy has forgotten where the facade ends and where he begins
That guy has been hiding so long he has found comfort in this lonileness
That guy looking back in the mirror is forlorn, troubled and is longing for help
            So please Help Me!

Saying everything on my mind like you want me to
Will make me lose you forever
And I can't survive that
So I keep it in
Where it will make me lose myself
And I can live with that
Can't I?

I want to be in a relationship
Even though I know I will be bad at it
I want to get my heart broken
So that it can be mended bit by bit
I want to get into fights and do all the cheesy ****
I want to be there whenever she throws a fit

I want to be in a relationship                            
But the friends whom I envied kept asking why
Would you if you had no one to talk to about how you are going to get by
Or when you look around and there is nobody to hear your sigh
And nobody to comfort you when you cry


I want to be in a relationship
So I can tell someone how my day went
Someone I can complain to and vent
Spend time with the person to whom my heart I lent
Knowing that if it ever ends it might leave a dent
Knowing that if it ever ends it might be broken and bent

I want to be in a relationship
Because I am tired of being used to the still phone
Because I am tired of being used to the loneliness
Because I am tired of hiding behind a facade
Because I am tired of not knowing how long I can take it anymore
I want to be in a relationship...

Dear Time,
Did my last letter reach you a bit late?
The letter in which I asked you to stand still because I thought it couldn't get better than this
Well, a lot has changed since then
Now it feels like you are still when I want you to skip right to the end.
Jump to the end of my time, would you?
I feel dead inside, wouldn't it feel better if I felt the same way outside too?
It's okay if this letter takes a while to reach you
Things don't seem like they are going to improve any time soon.
Thank you if I don't get a chance to write to you again.
Yours truly,
The wallflower guy.