Just...
*******

It’s funny, sort of
Every one of us here, at least most of us here, are alike in one way

We all share the same secret

Push your hair to the side, lean closer
I’ll whisper what you’ve refused to know in your ear

It isn’t good for us here

After all, catharsis works in both ways
We’re throwing our darkest soul corners out at these screens
Hour by wasted hour, the horror we relieve is refilled by haywire empathy

Why would we stay, you ask?
It’s an addiction, impossible to stay away

Imagine no rush of sharing, no reveling in thought,
No hiding in the words of others

We’re drawn back to these alphabet keys
The poetry of life haunting us all,
Chasing us through our deepest pain, herding us toward revelations we won’t understand
Controlling the world we see

We repress this whisper of truth, of course
We all know we’re not going to stop

But shhh! This is a
Secret
        Secrets are no fun unless you share with everyone.

Mother once told me
Don't waste your tears
On those who don't deserve it
Its now worth
Seeing the wet emotions
Dripping down your face
Because there would be times
Where you really need to cry
And then there would be nothing
Dripping down your face

She tucked in my shirt
and patted my head,
“Always be yourself”
was the first thing she said.

She painted my lips
and powdered my nose,
called me a daisy,
but wanted a rose.

She looked at my shoes
and gave me her heels,
noticed my body,
restricted meals.

She ignored my work
chastised my art,
gathered my drawings,
ripped them apart.

She decided my plans,
outlined each day,
gave me one order -
“don’t disobey.”

She tucked in my shirt
and patted my head,
“You’re nothing without me”
was the last thing she said.

two loves,
two lives,
two more to protect,
two more to put in danger,
two more to fail,
two more to bring me to life,
both different,
both loved,

one day,
someone's going to
come along and convince
you're made of stardust
and laughter
a lovechild of
venus and saturn
looks at you and wonder
how you happened
and you'll finally
finally believe it

I was always told
"actions speak louder than words"
and maybe that's why I'm always staring at your hands when you speak
instead of listening to what you have to say
and maybe that's why you keep spitting out things
like how gorgeous I am
instead of holding my hand or kissing my cheek
and I've come to the conclusion that
actions don't speak louder than words
because they're both equally meaningless
and that maybe you don't love me
and maybe that's okay