I noticed today
that things have changed
Things don't look so dreary, babe.
The sun is shining
so much brighter, darling.
My smile
is actually coming from inside
me
and it's reaching my eyes,
really.
It's plain to see
in the way I choose to view
my life.
It's nice.
Want to come with me
On this journey?
Say yes,
I'd be happy.

This is a story
about love
and lust
and misplaced trust

and the subject,
the main character,
today:
avoiding the dive--
the rush of fear and feeling alive--
because of those experiences
with that love
and lust
and misplaced trust.

The Character
has been here before:
heart on sleeve,
opening
up:
thinking it's love.
But no luck.

And it all
seems to be
an unlucky series.
Because that paper heart
was played with, you see
(At least now we know that it bleeds).
That fragile glass *****
was put into the hands
of a careless child
playing a part in the pitiful dance
of telling this story.

This Character
once gave it all
Jumped and flew
and then,
just fell.
Nobody caught this trusting sap
And at the landing:
You could hear that heart crack

But we recover--
stitches do heal--
so it might just appeal
to this storybook Character,
to try bending
the rules created
to keep that heart a little safer,
to leap once (or a few times) more
because behind one of those doors
is the fairytale ending.

Mirrors
Shattering myself into pieces
Sharp edges pointing out all the flaws
I stare at the glassy eyes
I don't know if they are mine
The reflections rip me open
making all of the imperfections
seep through the paper skin
Outlining me in red
Tracing what to fix
Tears bleed through my surface
Stinging my insides
I want this to end
The mirror is killing me.
What's in the mirror is killing me
So I guess I'm killing myself.

{SM}

I might as well give up the act
Because I know the impact
And how it will attack
Stabbing me in the back
Every single day
As I stand in front of the mirror
And say that I'm okay;
Blood trickling down my spine
Reminding me that I'm lying.
We all know that it's fake
And what's at stake
(It's my life for goodness sake)
So I guess I'll give in and say,
Though the taste of it is strange...
What better day
Than today
To change

Back when I was a real girl I bounced
in the hallways licking my popsicle.
Back when I was a real girl
I smiled from the inside out.
Back before toothbrushes
became my best friend.
Back when food was normal.
When I could close my eyes without
seeing monsters and nightmares.
When I liked myself.
Before any of the mean girls
decided that I was going to be the
rock in their pile of diamonds.
When music was
meant to make you happy.
Before the world messed me up.
When I was a real girl
I never thought about death.
When I was a real girl my
mind never went this deep.
Now I smile just from the outside.
Real girls don't have to sleep
with their eyes half open.
But I do
Because I'm not a real girl anymore.
I changed a long time ago and there is no way back now.

{SM}