You’re gaining my dear
but nothing good.
Step on the scale
though you said you never would...
Want a toothbrush
and a blade?
Because then, I can trick you
into thinking that everything is okay.
Don’t look in the mirror
you already know what you’ll see.
You’re worse off than ever,
you don’t deserve to eat.
So what, it’s Thanksgiving?
You’ve had enough treats.
and everyone can see it plainly.
So skip Christmas too,
if you can swing it.
Run until you can't breathe.
quit your complaining,
and drink something without calories.
Because hey,
soon enough you’ll be happy
back down to size three;
you’ll be able to breath.
As you well know
nothing good comes easy.
so work your **** off
lose any inch that you can squeeze.
when you can see your ribs again
I promise you’ll thank me.
with love
your E.D.
I 've been conscious of my battle with my eating disorder since my sixth grade. It's been almost eight years. I hit rock bottom years ago and I have promised myself that I will never get that low again. I have gotten treatment and therapy, and I am better. I'm just not better yet at accepting myself in my view of "perfection." Though I have stayed relatively clean for two years, I know it is a never ending battle. And despite this, and my occasional slip ups, I am beyond determined not to lose to this monster. I will conquer this, but I don't know if I'll ever get it out of my head.