Dare do I speak my mind
There is no mask to hide behind.

Part I
I have courage in my potential
Though the times you gave up on me were
Sequential enough for me to stop believing
You are the man I believe in.
You are the man who craves perfection
Though what changes from day to day is its definition;
Your values are skewed and it’s safe to assume,
That I could never truly do right by you,
Unless I learn how to paint the sky
In the hue that suits your mood;
Unless I can devote my time to you
But only on your schedule.
Only you have the upperhand
In every conversation- I can’t stand
That I can’t speak my own, you speak for me.
Every time you pause, I’m interrupting.
Every word I speak is another excuse
You see, I could never truly do right by you.
Or at least that’s how I feel.
It’s hard to know what’s real.

I do not owe you my existence,
And pardon me if I show resistance,
My feelings can come off pretentious-
I am not licentious!
I am not any of the names you spit at me
You claim respect and honor,
But throw respect out the window when it comes to your daughter,
To your daughter who loves you;
Who cleans you and bathes you.
At the drop of a pin when the date is past due,
When a clock has struck midnight
There’s nothing left to say.
Only one question, why treat me this way?

The love you lend is hard to give
Your pride is a house which I cannot live
If my love does better on the outside
To protect my heart I won’t come in.
You can raise your knife and prepare for a slaughter
But please put the knife down,
I am your daughter.

when I am far away from my body, I like to imagine that I am running in a field. The air is warm and gentle, the grass is tall and soft. The sun is warming the top of my head. And I am running. I have no place to get to, but I run like it’s the destination of a lifetime.

I run because that’s what I want to do. I run because that’s where I want to be.

to feel the sun kiss my shoulders,
and to throw my head back when i cry;
to take the band from my wrist
and let you fill me with flowers.

to know I tried my hardest and
to know that it was good enough;
to smell the dirt and feel the trees,
to be moved by Life herself.

to feel the sand underneath my fingernails,
to hear a song and travel the world
on it’s melody; I’d only feel harmonious
with you on my side.

the world became possible
and the fog thins as I stare Death
right in the face; I’m not afraid.
you’re beside me holding
my hand.

Frown upon my withered heart!
and wipe away my tears.
Catch the nightmares, catch my dreams,
ensnare my childish fears.

Protect me, Catcher, put me down
and watch me sleep to-day.
the worries they encase me,
my dream’s the price I pay.

The morning comes unfiltered
the cycle is broken for now
Oh Catcher! my Catcher!
My faithful night snatcher!
Laid a kiss on my wavering brow.

An unmeasurable amount of thought
has gone into the analyzing of my being

And why it was my fault that night
I decided to provoke you to such animosity

That I was greeted to a storm of fingers
ripping the cloth from my chest and falling like petals

On your bedroom floor I whimpered, crushed
under the heavy weight of you, Lover

As the thing I knew not belonged to me, but to you
and "No" was the last word I had ever spoke again.

I broke down Thursday
And the wind was cracking loud and
beating my spine into an
uncomfortable submission

I broke down
and all the graves were upside-down
letting the maggots see the sunlight
and the wood was damp and splintered

I broke down
and all the rocks became toadstools
and I sat and I knitted a scarf with
all my worries weaved in with the wool

I broke down Thursday
and the car wouldn’t start and my eyelids were
cinder blocks and the colors started leaking
as I realized my battery was dead